Once more, Marvel’s “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” have a
delivered a very good episode; but before we get into it, let us talk about a
certain upcoming future film – “Jurassic World”.
What is the film’s premise? 22 years in the future after the
events of the first JP movie, InGen – or a similar company – has restarted the
dinosaur theme park thing, making it bigger and better. When I say bigger, I
mean literally – aside from the I-Rex, there was also a vastly oversized mosasaur
(Tylosaurus?) that swallows great white sharks whole: in reality, mosasaurs
were very big animals (8-12 m long on average), but that wasn’t big enough to
swallow a modern great white shark (or its Cretaceous analogue – the Ginsu
shark) whole; it would rip and tear into pieces first, instead. What JW
presents here, though, is already an imaginary, impossible, artificial
creature, making the producers’ use of the I-Rex redundant.
And as for the I-Rex itself... Aside from various rumors –
that it possesses telepathy and similar amazing mental powers – there is the
fact it is not a Rex! There is not any tyrannosaur in this monster’s genetic
makeup: apparently, it was created from the DNA of Giganotosaurus and various
abelisaurs instead. We will get to Giganotosaurus in a moment; first about the
abelisaurs. They were a group of Cretaceous carnivorous dinosaurs, descendants
of the Jurassic Ceratosaurus and the like; formidable hunters in their own
right, they were smaller – on the average – than Tyrannosaurus was, or than Giganotosaurus,
for that matter. They also had very small front limbs – even smaller than those
of a T-Rex, though they had three or four fingers instead of T-Rex’s trademark
two. The Carnotaurus from Disney’s “Dinosaur” film, for example, was an abelisaur
– and it did not look anything like an I-Rex. Or the I-Rex does not look
anything like an abelisaur – instead it looks like a carnosaur.
What is a carnosaur? It is a group of carnivorous dinosaurs,
which in the Jurassic were represented by allosaurus, saurophaganax; in the
Cretaceous – by Giganotosaurus, Carcharodontosaurus, Mapusaurus and so on. Compared
to tyrannosaurs and abelisaurs, the carnosaurs were more gracile, so to speak:
they had longer and thinner legs, lighter skulls, less powerful jaws (more
designed to rip and tear rather than to grip and crush), and correspondingly –
longer and stronger front legs and claws, as you can see for yourself in a
museum, or a paleontology book, or online. The I-Rex has these features too –
especially the front limbs – so why is it a Rex? You could have as well called
it a “Megalo-raptor” or something along those lines, and it would be just as
true! The real T-Rex should sue this impostor for the unlawful appropriating of
its name or something...
Anything else? There is the blatant disregard or mocking of
the modern paleontological discoveries – JP3 had its own share of problems, but
at least its’ raptors had protofeathers, and the Spinosaurus featured there was
not so much wrong, as it was outdated, just as the featherless raptors in the
first JP films were. Speaking of raptors: for Crichton, in the original novel,
velociraptors were not a name of a specific species, but a term that he used as
a synonym for a generic ‘raptor’, to describe such dinosaurs as the Deinonychus
(a bigger, stronger species of ‘raptor’ than the Velociraptor was) instead;
once again, he was more scientifically accurate than his followers in the field
of mass media are.
As for the latest incarnation of JP (-related franchise)
raptors...yeah. They are still the size of Deinonychus, but are still –
apparently – identified as velociprators by fans and filmmakers. The fact that they
are featherless and scaly is only an extra insult to an injury, but still. The telepathically
communicating dinosaurs, pterosaurs, and marine reptiles put all science
(paleontology?) out of the window, which contrasts sharply with the main
message of the film – artificial animals are bad, Dr. Frankenstein was wrong; man
should not meddle with what he does not understand in the name of science, etc.
I would not go that far to say that JW has been sponsored by creationists to
discredit science in general, but discredit science the JW cast and crew do all
the same.
(And on top of all the paleontological inaccuracies JW had
some legal problems as well, mainly in regards to who had actually written the
story – the WGA had to get involved; I’m not sure if it was Writers Guild of
America East or West, but that’s not the point; the point is that the film hadn’t
been yet aired, and yet there already are legal problems with it. Sad.)
While JW is dealing with problems legal and scientific, “Agents”
have to deal with Hydra instead. Well, most of them anyways; Skye has to deal
with her parents instead. So far, she’s got a delusional, perfectionist father,
who puts insane into ‘insane genius’, and has physical prowess not unlike that
of the Incredible Hulk, just like in the comics, and a mother, who is obsessed
with research and protecting – and running – her town of Afterlife; a typical modern
American family gone nasty, in the other words. To make things more complex
(potentially), there is also Lincoln, a young man she may have developed a
crush on; Raina, who is Raina, and Gordon, who may be Raina’s only friend in the
world for the moment. Together, combined, these people may make life in
Afterlife more complex...even if one forgets about the fact that Lincoln was
captured by Hydra alongside his new potential friend Deathlok the Cyborg...and
Skye’s mother appears to be the sort of a person who doesn’t like
complications...then again, she had lived with Skye’s father, who is a complex
character, in an insane sort of way...where were we?
Right, the rest of the team. They got Grant Ward and Kara
Lynn, sure enough, but somehow this plot line did not have the same impact as
the one dealing with Skye and her family did. Grant’s re-integration into the
rest of the team just did not feel natural, but rather rushed; and the team itself
appeared to lack the moral high ground that is needed, when dealing with Grant
and 33; Coulson’s idea of a carrot – S.H.I.E.L.D. erases Grant’s memory and
makes him a normal man – is flawed, and not just because this is a lot like the
mental/memory manipulation that Whitehall and the rest of Hydra had
practised... yeah. (And Kara Lynn was not even included in the negotiations –
who did Coulson think he was by dealing with her in such a high-handed manner?
Headmaster Dumbledore? Aye and Fitz almost got his throat slit for this.)
Moral ground aside, this plotline also feels rushed and
forced: Coulson and Ward switched from arguing with each other at gunpoint to
watching each other’s back within an episode (though that came as a surprise to
Coulson, admittedly.) So did Lance and Kara Lynn, of course, but considering
that Bobbi is getting rather friendly with Mack...who knows? Maybe the ship
HunterBird is more broken-up than it initially looked like. True, there are
rumors of a Lance/Bobbi spin-off going around, but, firstly, it all depends on
the actors, and secondly, not unlike the “Agent Carter” plotline it could be a
filler arc that takes place in the past (with more of agent Isabelle/Xena/LL
thrown into the mix, maybe?), so all bets are still off.
And finally, the villains (not counting Grant and Kara
Lynn). Dr. List is ruthless and efficient; Bakshi is back being charge and
something of a creep; Cal and his ex-wife were already discussed (though it is
anyone’s guess if they are villains or not); and there was an official mention
of the good baron von Strucker too (and a possible tie with the upcoming new
Avengers movie). Hydra villains are getting badder, basically – will S.H.I.E.L.D.
be able to stand up to the challenge? Only time will tell.
Until next time!
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