Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Recently, we were setting down to discuss yet another Pathfinder (1st ed.) campaign, set in Osirion, when one of our party people came distinctly disgruntled: he found a book of Greek and Norse myths, dated 1987, written for fifth and sixth graders… and it talked how the readers can use the mythical names in their own fantasy RPG games. Which games, what games, it is unsaid, but our friend did not handle this state of affairs too well, and spent all of our planning time half-ranting and raving. Sad and awkward, let me tell you. Onto ‘Madame Web’?
‘Madame Web’ – I will try not to get into the
spoilers’ territory, but regardless – has several major flaws. First, its’ plot
is taken, lock, stock and barrel, from the very first ‘Terminator’ film. People
are not calling the movie out on it, but this is what happens. Mr. Ezekiel is
the ‘Terminator’ analogue, while the female characters are something of a
collective Sarah Connors instead.
Second, unlike ‘Terminator’, ‘Madame Web’ comes
across as asexual, regardless of whether it was intended to, nor not. This is
not new, there are plenty of films that had this sort of thing, and not just ‘CATS-2019’
– there’s ‘Over the Moon’, there’s ‘Quiz Lady’, there’s plenty of other equally
forgettable films… though Disney isn’t a part of this tendency. ‘Frozen-2’ – there
are Anna and Kristoff; ‘Encanto’ – there is Dolores and her own swain; ‘The
Marvels’, (come on, they are also a part of Disney) – there’s Carol Danvers and
her new husband (?); and so on. Romance does make a movie more memorable in the
minds and memories of fans and audiences, you know! ‘Madame Web’ tries to avoid
that, and so it does, and so many people just do not know why they should root
for the titular character and her posse…
This brings us to the third – the feminist angle.
These days, it is not enough to win an audience over and become a socio-political
darling; you actually need to work to accomplish this and ‘Madame Web’… does
not. Instead, it tries to tie into Peter Parker himself to push itself above
the rest… whatever ‘the rest’ are. The first Tom Hardy ‘Venom’ was, in fact,
original, even if it struggled with its’ script and everything else – and so,
it was the movie’s originality that enabled it to work. The second ‘Venom’
film, featuring Carnage, was actually more of a reboot of the franchise, and ‘Morbius’
was… bad, but more of ‘Doolittle-2020’ rather than ‘CATS-2019’ bad, i.e.
lackluster and lazy rather than a burning trash fire. On the other hand, ‘Madame
Web’ is… cut out of the same cloth, in fact, as ‘Morbius’ is – lackluster and
kind of directionless. In fact, some of the crew from ‘Morbius’ have, apparently,
worked in this movie too – not exactly a good sign.
Again, the ‘Terminator’-like premise of ‘Madame Web’
is not bad, self-fulfilling prophecies and all. Its’ execution, however, is
bad, simply bad, and the aromantic angle, (the Parkers aside), does not help
it. Consequently, it just collapses, as our latest RPG attempt had, a teenage book
of Greek and Norse myths notwithstanding.
…This is for now, then. See you all soon.
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