WandaVision: Program - Feb 1

 Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Well, it works, but it also sucks. Hooray for WandaVision, then? Kind of sort of, so let us talk about it.

Firstly, I must admit, for me the WV show was spoiled a bit beforehand…by ‘Bliss’. In this instance, ‘Bliss’ is an upcoming 2021 film about a man, (played by Owen Wilson), whose life is in a disarray, until he meets a beautiful woman, (played by Salma Hayek), who tries to convince him that he lives in artificial simulation. Cough. Bliss is released on Feb 5, 2021, and already some similarities to WV are obvious, even though info about it, (it is being released by Amazon studios), is scarce. Even though, judging by the trailer, it is evident that Salma’s character – Isabel – is morally ambiguous, (though neither outright good nor evil at this point), and that Owen’s character – Greg – will have to make a choice, a life with Isabel or a life with his daughter. Pause.

Yeah, at this point WV and ‘Bliss’ appear to be diverging – yes, Wanda is wearing pants in this relationship, (remember the episode 1x02?), just as Isabel seems to be the woman in charge in ‘Bliss’, but so far there’s no evidence of Vision having to make a choice just as Greg is going to do in ‘Bliss’, but on the other hand, as we have seen in the episode 1x04 Vision might be dead.

…Ok, Vision is a synthezoid, so I am not quite certain that the terms ‘alive’ and ‘dead’ may be properly applicable to him, but Disney & MCU make the rules, and when we last saw him Vision appeared to be technically dead, or offline, rather than alive and/or online instead. Where does this leave us?

Well, within MCU – roughly in the same time period that went down during the second Tom Holland Spider-Man movie, aka ‘Far From Home’. Apparently, while everyone’s neighbourhood’s friendliest manly-bug fought abroad in Europe, back in the good old U.S. of A. the brave men and women of S.W.O.R.D. are dealing with Wanda & Vision…pause again.

Here I am calling out that while in the Marvel comics S.W.O.R.D. is essentially S.H.I.E.L.D. in space, (slash space CIA, if you care), in MCU S.W.O.R.D. appears to be S.H.I.E.L.D., period, regardless of whatever it is that Nick Fury is doing in space, (as shown in the abovementioned ‘Far From Home’ film, remember?). Since the AoS finale showed S.H.I.E.L.D. getting back on its’ feet, why the reinvented S.W.O.R.D.? Sigh…

My take is that after its’ extended 7-season run, AoS had overstayed its’ finale; I’m betting that it was supposed to be no more than 3 seasons long, (as Disney shows tends to be), and by ‘more than’ doubling its’ length, AoS got stretched too thin; the finale, with everyone, (even Deke Shaw?) getting their piece of happy ending, was taken from the initial 3-season plan and it didn’t really mesh with the actual show; plus, as we have talked before, the cast, (and the crew?) of AoS might’ve overstayed their welcome and had had their fill of AoS, of MCU, of each other, and so on, so now S.H.I.E.L.D. just ain’t coming back, even though right now, with WV, the situation is perfect for its’ return. Instead, we got a not-quite-necessary S.H.I.E.L.D. clone…and a full roster of AoS – and Marvel - characters that are not coming back, most likely, no matter how many accolades were sung about Chloe Bennett’s Daisy/Quake, for example, and her relationship with Daniel Sousa. Back to WV?

Well, as we know, ‘Program’ wasn’t really about the titular characters at all; rather, we got reintroduced to such old MCU characters as Darcy Lewis – now a doctor of science, agent Jimmy Woo of FBI, and Monica Rambeau, formerly Lieutenant Trouble, and now all grown up. The WV episode 1x03 showed us the latter confronting Wanda ‘The Scarlet Witch’ Maximoff and being kicked out of Westview; the episode 1x04 showed us the same event – and several others – from the outsider’s P.O.V., which is very different…from what we have seen in WV so far. Otherwise, MCU’s S.W.O.R.D. is both a clone of the old MCU’s S.H.I.E.L.D., and WV itself is turning from stranger waters to the ones that are more familiar.

To elaborate, ever since MCU’s ‘Spider-Man 2: Far From Home’, people commented that MCU tended to become familiar, and Tom Holland’s Spider-Man’s story was very similar to Tony Stark’s – it’s ‘a Hero’s Journey’ cliché, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, clichés work for a reason, (and they become clichés for a reason), but… Here, in WV, we got titular characters being an unfamiliar setting – a sitcom comedy – doing atypical characters – comedy characters – but slowly they’re beginning to move into something that is much more familiar by Marvel’s standards in this case – there’s some sort of a phantom menace – maybe Hydra, maybe Mephisto or one of his minions, maybe some leftover from Thanos or Ultron or whatever – that is harassing civilians, and the brave people of S.H.I.E.L.D. – er, S.W.O.R.D. – rise to meet the challenge. Wanda’s conflict with Monica is not too different from the conflict Steve developed with Tony…eventually…with the main deviation being…not the gender issue, but the fact that Wanda has the actual chops to become a proper villain instead.

No, seriously, think about it: when Wanda was introduced in MCU, she worked for Ultron, who was a proper villain. It was Pietro who had his big redemption/self-sacrifice moment in A: AoU, and not Wanda. Instead, it were Wanda’s actions in the CA: CW film that instigated the movie’s titular civil war, and I believe that it was Wanda who sent the first blow in that film’s big fight in the German airport. Even in the A: E film Wanda was shown in a rather dark light, a fight with Thanos or not, so there is no reason as to why Wanda’s cannot do a proper Anakin Skywalker and go full Darth Vader in WV. How will Vision handle this, and is it really Vision with Wanda in Westview at all, has to be revealed yet.

As for the new twins – Billy and Tommy – we have talked about them when we discussed the episode 1x03, and so far, there is no new information about them either. So far, they are just lying there in their cribs…and if anything happens to them, Wanda will go full house of M…only she supposedly already did some time between ‘Endgame’ and the events in WV, so again, more details are needed before we make any more conclusions about as to what is going on in WV, (aside from the obvious).

Therefore, for now, this is it. See you all soon!

WandaVision: Color - Jan 25

 Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Therefore, let us try to talk about WV the TV series instead.

First, yes, a big shout-out to the upcoming ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ movie trailer. After months, if not years of waiting, it was worth the wait, showing the titular titans duking it out across the world, with Godzilla getting the worst of it… in the trailer. How will the movie play out is another issue, but the trailer was certainly very enjoyable. Now onto WV?

Here is the thing. Already ‘Now in Color’ was examined under the metaphorical microscope and examined tightly. The most important topics of ‘Color’ were Wanda’s pregnancy and birth, and the official confirmation that ‘Geraldine’ is Monica Rambeau, aka Photon, so let us start with them.

…The pregnancy and birth themselves were done in a rather light-hearted, airy style – i.e., unlike the first two episodes, ‘Color’ was not just colorful, but pointedly sunny, light-colored, (pardon the tautology), and light-hearted, whereas the first two episodes were, obviously, black and white, (aside from the occasional splash of red, cough), aka chiaroscuro, creating a rather stolid, if not a downright static, atmosphere within the series. Now, with ‘Color’ we got color, and right now, it is of a pale and/or bright variety… as opposed to, for example, the birth of Hope on X: WP back in the 90s.

Not unlike ‘Kong vs. Godzilla’, X: WP deserves a more expanded mention if only because Xena/Lucy Lawless briefly appeared on MCU’s AoS in S2. Despite her name, Hope was Gabrielle’s daughter from a demon-god Dahak, (in RL, the name belongs to an apocalyptic dragon from the Zoroastrian religion), who was one of the main villains on the show (and also on H: TLJ) for a while, before Hercules killed him, (if I remember correctly), while Xena and Gabrielle were able to eventually slay both Hope and Hope’s son, the first of the supposed Seven Destroyers, a chupacabra-like monster… The point here is that Gabrielle’s pregnancy and Hope’s birth were shown in a pointedly ominous style, complete with a placid-looking goat, which is an indirect reference to the ‘Great Adversary’, cough – and nothing like this was shown on WV; instead, we got butterflies and a stork coming to life.

…Whether or not the butterflies are a reference to a Marvel’s character I have no idea: the name slash moniker ‘Butterfly’ belongs to about 10 of them, and I do not know enough Marvel to decide as to which one. What I want to point out here is the stork – we have talked about storks in the past, about completely non-Marvel-related topics, (remember?), and one of the stork-related themes was, and is, its’ association with bringing children, and how it – we’re talking about the ‘common’ white stork, Ciconia ciconia – is a ‘positive’, ‘solar’, ‘life-bringing’ bird, (especially in the European and Russian folklore). Put otherwise, Wanda’s pregnancy and the birth of her twins appears to be a positive event, at least for the MCU. And-?

And I got nothing, actually. Here, the world of MCU is colliding with RL – the Disney/Marvel PR are making WV and its’ events A Big Deal, but in reality? Neither Wiccan nor Speed, (the twins in the series), aren’t that big of a deal in the Marvel comics; Wiccan, at least, appears on a regular basis in them…because he is one of Marvel’s official same-sex characters, which is A Big Deal…just for reasons that we won’t talk about here and now…but Speed? He does not appear in Marvel comics at all lately, (though yes, due to COVID-19, following Marvel comics has become rather tricky for some people; real life sucks, cough). Where were we?

Ah yes, ‘Geraldine’. The 1x03 episode established that she’s an agent of S.W.O.R.D., (probably), and showed her helping Vision and co. with Wanda’s delivery, thus laying the groundwork for a potential friendship, if not comradery, between the two women, (cough, future Avengers, cough). Sadly, given how Wanda ejected ‘Geraldine’ from the pocket universe, the two women have a long way to go just yet, if they’re to succeed in becoming friends, or at least comrades…which is no way certain in MCU, let’s be fair…but there’s something for that, for now.

However, before anything will happen in the future episodes of WV, we must still discuss… no, not ‘Geraldine’s’ ejection into the world out of the pocket universe, and yes, it is a pointedly and a purposefully sharp contrast with the world inside the pocket: it is dark, it is night, and it might be raining; plus, we don’t know anything about Monica’s position and status in S.W.O.R.D.; and then, there’s Hydra…

Now that deserves face slap, and no mistake. Disney & MCU just cannot make-up their mind about this evil organization: it was supposed to be done and gone by the AoS’ S3 finale dash CA: CW movie; Zemo, (who will be coming back as one of the main characters in ‘The Winter Soldier & The Falcon’ series), says that Hydra is done flat out loud.

…And then AoS’ S4 happened and Hydra came back, and the titular characters continued to lock horns with it on a regular basis; it would be nice to assume that they have stopped Hydra for good in their final season, but given how the AoS’ concluding scenes seem to be a remastered version of a very different AoS, anything is possible.

On a more serious note, it seems that Hydra is just too convenient and easy a villain slash organization for Disney/MCU to stop using, as last week’s ‘Hydra Soak’ shows – already there are fan theories that Hydra is behind Wanda’s pocket universe, rather than Mephisto is, for example. If that happens… I got nothing just more proof that not just AoS, but also the rest of MCU keeps on recycling and reviving their own old ideas, rather than bringing in more original ones, from the comics, i.e. the ‘House of M’. …Without mutants being an established presence in MCU, ‘House of M’ does not work anyhow, so I confess that I am observing with some curiosity as to how the events in WV will continue to develop…

Well, this is it for now. See you all soon!

WandaVision, ep 1x01 and 1x02 - Jan 19

 

Obligatory disclaimer: I am not dead yet. Real life still sucks though. ‘WandaVision’ is proving to be something else entirely, so let us talk about it, or rather – about the first two episodes, (yay marketing strategy!). Ergo, what about it?

Where to start? Since its’ premiere 3 days ago, (Jan 15, 2021), people have discussed the episodes in question horizontally and vertically, having uncovered practically all of the ‘Easter eggs’ in them. Pause. However, here is my take on it, because I would rather talk about WV rather than real life, (but that is another matter).

First, did anyone note that in the episode 1x02 team WV inverted the old trope of the magician and the sexy assistant? Thanks to the stick of gum, Vision went completely drunk, and Wanda had to take charge, however subtly, and save the day and the magic show, while wearing some very revealing clothing, (cough).

On its own, this is nothing too breakthrough or novel, even by the wokeness’ standards – the idea of the wife being the smart/competent one in the family was already utilized in such old time TV shows as ‘Bewitched’ and even ‘I dream of Jeanie”, among others, (which were used to design the WV TV series, remember?). In their turn, this strategy of ‘Bewitched’ and co. reaches with its’ roots to the old folktales, myths, and so on, where a brave human hero married a witch or some other supernatural entity, and lived happily ever after – or not. Vision, of course, is not a human, but unlike the series’ premiere, where the two characters were shown more equal; in the episode 1x02, Wanda was wearing the pants in the family, which brings us to her encounter with Dot and co., but first…

But first, or second, there is the question of the WV’s children, or rather – of their conception. Yes, it was very cute, lovely and adorable as to how WV’s twin beds became one, and then they went under the covers. However, Vision isn’t a human, rather he is a robot or a synthezoid, and so does he have the actual equipment to, well, impregnate Wanda? WV’s showrunners and co. talk about ‘The House of M’ comic plot arc for inspiration, where Wanda’s children, Wiccan and Speed, were revealing to be not ordinary mutant children, but rather manifestations of Wanda’s power made flesh. If WV is based upon that, then it will be interesting to see as to how Vision fits into this…but some educated guesses can be made.

Before that, though, let us talk about Dottie. The last MCU character who had this name was Dottie Underwood from ‘Agent Carter’, (AC), a pro-Leviathan Black Widow agent/assassin, turned frenemy to the titular character and her friends against Madame Mask in the second and final season of the show. This Dottie, however, is a different character completely, simply because Ms. Emma CB played/acted her out, better known as Anyanka slash Anya Jenkins on BtVS. Pause.

…Yes, I have my own issues with the Whedon family, but I’m not being either pro or contra towards them here – rather, I want to point out that this is probably the first time a BtVS/AtS alumni has appeared on a Marvel TV show/movie/etc., and so far they have done a good job of being there.

Second, Anyanka is an interesting reference to WV – I won’t get too in-depth into her character, right now there’s no indication that this Dottie will remain in the WV-universe for too long, or will matter that much – wait.

Here is what else we know about Wanda – she is going to appear in the upcoming Dr. Strange movie as well – ‘the multiverse of madness’ or something similar. Aside from the fact that we still have no idea as to whether she’s going to help the good doctor or hinder him, the rumors had him going against some demon-like entity called Nightmare, and what do we have in WV? An actress who had played a demon on BtVS, and a character – ‘the beekeeper’ – who appears to be rather unfit for the rom-com world of WV so far.

Yes, the beekeeper. So far, there is already speculation as to who he is, though the S.W.O.R.D. logo is certainly influencing the discussion in a certain way. S.W.O.R.D. – in the Marvel comics – is a space counterpart to S.H.I.E.L.D., and is something of a space CIA, according to Cyclops of the X-Men, (in the comics, not the movies, cough). Here, in the MCU, it is much less developed, (because of the obvious reasons), but they’re part of the WV, so it’ll be interesting to see if they’re more than just the replacement of S.H.I.E.L.D. …and if they were infiltrated yet.

No, seriously, AoS were notorious for recycling their old plotlines…and they were associated with the Whedon family. Now, WV is already associated with the Whedon family, however slightly, and, apparently, some cameo actor from AoS’ S7 acts-out the mail carrier in WV, so I wonder how long it will take for AoS’ plot issues to appear in WV.

Getting back on track, Agnes. She does appear to be MCU’s answer to Agatha Harkness, who was Wanda’s mentor in the main Marvel universe. Here, she is already acting as…an annoyance, yes, but also something of a mentor and a guide to Wanda in the wacky new world that W and V ended up in. Only this Wanda is already an Avenger and takes no shit from anyone, but-

But clearly, this world is not entirely ‘real’, not as, say, the world of the last Spider-Man movie had been. The trailers are especially clear on it, showing just how fluid the reality of W and V’s new home is… and it also had Agnes tell Vision that they are all dead, ha-ha! Given how Vision was the one – out of the two – to be killed by Thanos back in the A: IW film, this raises a possibility of W and V being stuck in some sort of a limbo between the lands of the living and the dead. Have to say, it will be interesting to see as to what MCU does with that.

Anything else? Well, Geraldine is actually ‘Photon’, or ‘captain Marvel’, aka Monica Rambeau, one of Marvel comics’ most popular superhero. However, right now she’s little more than Wanda’s, and Vision’s, new friend…not unlike Agnes, which is as expected, judging by the posters: these four are going to be WV’s main characters.

As for Strucker,…listen. Yes, he is dead and he can come back, but the same goes – technically – for Tony Stark. The two men did not have too much in common, but both shaped Wanda Maximoff’s life very dramatically – Strucker gave her powers, Stark had destroyed Sokovia via Ultron – and set her on becoming the Scarlet Witch. Well, a Scarlet Witch, because Agatha Harness – here, Agnes – also holds this title in the canon, cough. How this will turn out in the canon is anyone’s guess, but I am betting against Strucker returning to MCU… in WV, anyhow.

Moreover, as for Hydra… do not go there. MCU supposedly got rid of Hydra in the CA: CW film… and then began to bring it back, repeatedly, in AoS – but we have discussed AoS in length in the past, when it was running. On the other hand, we already got the new S.W.O.R.D., which might be the same old S.H.I.E.L.D., just done in a different wrapping – a different shadowy, morally ambiguous organization, cough. What is their connection to Wanda and Vision remains unknown, but both they and the aforementioned Photon connects the titular characters to the more sci-fi and less fantasy aspects of MCU.

Let us recap. So far, WV is a ‘woke’ TV series, but because they are done so well, no one is calling them out on them. They exist in a strange, fluid world that is managed – at least in part – by Wanda, but the latter is being challenged by someone or something in a beekeeper’s get-up that has ties to a shadowy paramilitary intelligence-gathering organization, (that may or may not have been infiltrated by someone or something else already), and there’s still no clarity if both Wanda and Vision are alive or dead. In short, we are in for just only two episodes, and already are in deep. This sort of thing almost makes living tolerable, you know?

…Well, this is it for now. See you all soon!

 

Batman: Soul of the Dragon - Jan 13

 

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Yes, it is a direct responsa to the mess that the U.S. is currently in, but it is also a response to my family’s latest visit to our house – we all have barely survived the two weeks of holidays staying in the same house, (ok, apartment building), cooped-up together – it was that bad. I do not want to dwell on it, however, so let me just reassure my followers by proclaiming that I am not dead yet, and move on.

…The entire U.S. situation is not something that I want to discuss – not yet. By opening his big mouth, the Donald revealed himself to be an idiot of the highest caliber and quality, one that apparently hates the U.S. with a passion that not even Putin come close to, and one who should’ve been removed from the Capitol, the White House, etc., etc., a long time ago. Instead, we got a hot mess between the Republicans and the Democrats once again, and the Donald keeps on wheeling and flying over the U.S. unhindered. Seriously, do the American politicians consider other American people to be worthy of mattering? Alternatively, do they ignore them completely? Yes, some corporations have cut-off their funding either to the Donald or to the both of the abovementioned political parties – and this does not brighten the picture in the D.C. either, but still…

…At any rate, I have tried to distract myself by watching the new DC movie, ‘Batman: Soul of the Dragon’, and… I have regretted it. One of the worst wastes of my life and time ever!

Here is the thing. WW84 is a wonderful movie, (pun intended), just dealing with the modern political issues in atypical ways, as I have written last year about it. Hence all the rage from the independent movie critics and connoisseurs, (or whatever they are supposed to be). Those that are more dependent, like the IGN, of course, sing accolades to WW84 instead – but IGN have sang accolades to the ‘Dragon-Bat’ film as well. What is the problem here?

It is banal. WW84 has plenty of content, something that none of its’ critics deny. Not everyone is liking WW84’s political content, and not everyone is recognizing it for what it is, but it is present; WW84 has put itself onto a higher rung of the ladder of the movies’ worth, and right now, WB and HBO believe that it is a winning horse, (and rightly so) – WW84 is trying to do something else than just to entertain – it is trying to educate about the social and gender norms, (aside from anything else). ‘Dragon-Bat’ does not do anything like that. Instead, it is a straightforward fic, er, flick, about Batman teaming up with several other DC characters to bring down the Kobra cult. Pause.

Here is the thing. It is not a bad concept on its’ own, and ‘Dragon-Bat’ isn’t entirely a bad movie, it is only forgettable: none of the characters really have much of defining characteristics outside of martial arts – and everyone in the ‘Dragon-Bat’ has martial arts. The ‘dragon’ part seems to be coming from Richard Dragon, one of the movie’s main characters, and who got the worst part of the deal – lady Shiva has appeared in all sort of DC franchises and so has the Bronze Tiger/Ben Turner; I, in particular, remember his incarnation in the ‘Batman: The Brave and The Bold’ cartoons, and I got to say – I liked this version better. There he had backstory and traits that made him different from the rest of the BB characters – yes, it is obvious, but it needs to be said. Here, in ‘Dragon-Bat’, he is not, and neither is Richard Dragon, who seems to be little more than Batman’s/Bruce Wayne’s pale shadow instead, (somewhat how Homer’s Menelaus was a shadow of Odysseus in both ‘Iliad’ and ‘Odyssey’). After all, unlike lady Shiva and Ben Turner, he doesn’t have much of a presence outside of the DC comics… anything else?

Sadly, no. ‘Dragon-Bat’ doesn’t focus much on its characters; they appear to be almost interchangeable, and none of them appear to be too interested in each other beyond what the game – I mean, the movie – demands of them. ‘Dragon-Bat’ feels like a badly filmed RPG, in other terms. Lady Shiva, for example, is one of the more interesting female characters in DC – and here she is just a crime lord in the local Chinatown. Pardon me, a top crime lord or something. Fancy that. Do the other characters care? Not really. Is it all that important within the greater movie? Also not really. Ouch.

And the same can be addressed towards the Dark Knight himself, though he is a special case, actually. Yes, he is the Dark Knight, the Caped Crusader and so on, but he is more of a masked detective than a dragon slayer instead – somehow, here he feels redundant – even IGN admitted that in this movie his role could’ve been taken over by Richard Dragon or by anyone else, with the plot of the movie being none the worse. Only… the ‘names’ of Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, and so on have selling power that the ‘names’ of Richard Dragon or Ben Turner or even lady Shiva lack. Batman is here to make ‘soul of the Dragon’ sell, first and foremost, and everything else is redundant. Ouch!

But then again, everything about ‘Dragon-Bat’ is redundant and forgettable: yes, it is fun to watch once, but nothing else: you watch it once and probably will not watch it again. WW84, on the other hand? Has staying power and will be staying in discussions for the next little while, even as the ‘Dragon-Bat’ will not be. However, that is real life for you. It sucks.

This is it for now – see you all soon.

WW84 - Dec 22

 Obligatory disclaimer: I still am not dead. To elaborate further: the ‘WW84’ film is good.

Let us start from the beginning: what is this film about? It is about the further adventures of the titular heroine, this time – in the middle 1980s. So far so good, though did Ms. Patty Jenkins had to tack on the Donald as well?.. however, we digress.

Let us try again. The main difference between this year’s film and the 2017’s one is that the first WW movie was a part of the ‘greater DCEU’, let us call it that, it tied on directly into the effects of the JL movie, and on the flip side it was strongly reminiscent of Marvel’s first ‘Captain America’ film, though with a less pulp fiction film. I don’t know as to who thought that pulp fiction Nazis on screen was a good idea; they and their association with Hydra backfired on MCU in a big, unpredictable way, but that isn’t the point right now – the point is in that WW84, there are no WWI or WWII associations, there are some signs of an escalating, cough, Cold War, but none of the main characters of this film are associated too deeply with that RL aspect. Now what?

First, a shout-out to Pedro Pascal for his depiction of Maxwell Lord; the man has nothing in common with ‘the Mandalorian’, even though one and the same person is playing them both. Pedro Pasqual is clearly a man of many skills, whereas Ming-Na Wen, who has also reappeared in ‘the Mandalorian’ S2 finale as Boba Fett’s new sidekick, is more of a hot sauce – as the ad says, Grandma Disney puts Wen into everything. MCU? – AoS; Disney? – ‘Mulan-2020’ (and ‘Mulan-1990s, cough); SW – now ‘the Mandalorian’; yet so far Wen either plays a tough, powerful woman warrior, or she is just a cameo, a spectre of her normally powerful image.

…Yet even such a spectre is more powerful than Chloe Bennett is; the younger woman seems to be a one-hit wonder, now that AoS’ and its’ Quake are gone, and Quake/Daisy Johnson herself seems to be largely not in demand by Disney/Marvel now that AoS is finished; but how did Chloe wax poetic after the series’ finale!.. Where were we?

…Well, the Whedon family heavily invested & involved with AoS, and had published their own article once AoS was finished, but nothing was mentioned of the Mr. Whedon-father, who is under a MeToo cloud currently – and now Ms. Gadot, aka Diana Prince of the latest WW-movies, mentions Mr. Whedon-father in a less than flattering light. Fair enough and – girl power! Go, Diana! Go, Wonder Woman! Or not.

Oh no, the girl power in Diana is there, and if you need a sexist pig to base your villain upon, then the RL Donald is your man. The trick here is how Ms. Jenkins had handled her Maxwell Lord; ‘her’, because there are at least two other versions of Maxwell Lord who were played by RL actors rather than being cartoon animations, and one of them appeared back in ‘Supergirl-2015’ – a rather different person from the Maxwell Lord of WW84, so why hadn’t Ms. Jenkins used this actor?

Because she needed a Donald look-a-like, with one major twist – her Maxwell Lord actually redeemed himself at the end, because of his son, but regardless. In RL, of course, Barron Trump was off the metaphorical menu, though this was probably due to the actions of Melania, who was usually ‘ignored’ by the anti-Trump media because of reasons, but nevertheless, this version of Maxwell Lord proved to be a different version from the Donald, making their resemblance to each other imperfect, and Lord’s misogyny, (relatively speaking, but still) – ditto.

…And on the other hand we have the Cheetah, who was not redeemed, however likable she used to be in most of the movie. If Maxwell was a misogynist of WW84, then Dr. Minerva/Cheetah was an equally toxic TERF, (not unlike J.K. Rowling in real life), a stereotype that is much less popular in the mainstream culture, political and otherwise, than someone as the Donald is. By depicting the Cheetah this way, may be one of the reasons as to why WW84 reviews were mixed, as some of the reviewers do not like this portrayal of hers, and the others – of the Donald… I mean, Maxwell Lord. Fair enough.

That said, for most of the movie, Barbara-Ann Minerva isn’t the Cheetah, but more of a dark mirror to Wonder Woman, a selfish version of Diana rather than an outright evil one. Of course, by wishing for Steve, Diana herself proved to be selfish…at least by the movie’s standards…or maybe the crystal’s…since it was created by a ‘god of mischief and lies’…cough. Gee, I wonder who can that be; you know that Marvel hadn’t created him, but rather taken the actual RL Norse mythology and adapted it to its’ own purpose…but because their association with Loki is that tight these days, that DC decided to hide behind anonymity, because of course that works!..

Back to the Cheetah proper, as it was said before, for most of the movie, she is not an evil person, more of a selfish one, an anti-Wonder Woman…sort of. Then she decided to change her wish – just as Diana gave up her own wish, that of Steve being with her, (and in exchange, she was growing weaker, more ordinary – the movie could’ve had fun, by having Minerva turn into Wonder Woman, just as Diana was turning into an ordinary woman, and someone who resembled the original Minerva, maybe?.. but that would be fetish fuel or something, so no.

Instead we got Minerva turning from a dark Wonder Woman into an extra from CATS-2019, (and that was a toxic trash fire even before COVID-19 struck), because, supposedly, Minerva wanted to be an ‘apex predator’, or an ‘alpha predator’, or whatever.

…The problem here is that a cheetah is a predator, but is much closer to the bottom of the metaphorical pyramid; there are videos on YouTube that show RL cheetahs being chased away from their kills by…flocks of vultures. We’re talking RL vultures here, professional scavengers, not hunters themselves, not at all – and when professional scavengers can get the best of you, because you’re tired and exhausted to the bone, and they aren’t, and there’s many of them, and only one of you – then you know that you’re neither alpha nor apex anything. In RL, cheetahs are pwned by practically every other carnivore of the African savannahs where they live, and they know it. They are speeding specialists and as such, they are really fragile and physically weak, (though I still would not advise any human to tangle with them for all sort of reasons), so the Barbara Ann Minerva version of the Cheetah is more like the Leopard or the Jaguar instead.

…There is also the Priscilla Rich version of the Cheetah; unlike Barbara-Ann, this one is no metahuman, but more like an evil version of the Catwoman instead, what with a suit…and a load of cash, ‘cause her family name is Rich, got it? Still, she has not appeared in DCEU so far, so no more shall be said about that. Anything else?

Well, Steve-O and his amazing body snatching/look-around switcheroo story line feels rather influenced by the 90s’ X: WP/H: TLJ TV series’, cough, ancient Greece, cough. In them, some of the villains – especially a blonde named Callisto – had escaped from the Underworld on one point and took over Xena’s body, so Xena had to take over Callisto’s…or something. In RL, Lucy Lawless, who played Xena, had a broken leg or some similar injury, so Hudson Leick, (who normally played Calypso) had to step in and take over…so an elaborate body swap had to be involved, somehow.

…Yes, Lucy Lawless had appeared in MCU’s AoS, but that role – an S.H.I.E.L.D. agent named Isabelle Heartly – was not one of LL’s best, not even in the top ten. A chakram-wielding character did reappear in S5 – one that had been played by Dove Cameron instead – but that character, Ruby Hale, had been underwhelming as well…but we have talked about this before. What about WW84 instead?

This movie works. It has its’ flaws, of course, but it works. It fun and entertaining, and while it tried to be woke, it also tried to be fair – something that’ll backfire on it; already has begun to, as the reviews have started to tickle in. Ah well, Gal Gadot is still herself, and Patty Jenkins will be directing the new SW movie, whatever it will be – but that is another story.

For now, though, this is it. See you all soon! Happy upcoming Christmas!

FH: Gryphon - Dec 1

 Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Second, non-obligatory disclaimer: I am not dead yet. I just did not feel like writing much, not with real life being so, well, sucking. And real. And everything else in-between.

…Yes, things are not being so bad as I make them sound – I found the full episodes of AFO on YouTube, and they’re in English rather than in Spanish, (as I had them earlier), so this is important, so yay! Real life does deliver us some gems in all of the dung, after all.

…AFO is a mere one-season TV series, done by AP, which has moved on and beyond it? Fair enough, but I have been looking for it for years, and so it is a pleasant breakthrough in the entire morass of misery and bad weather and what else have you. COVID-19 maybe. Real life sucks, and lately I am grateful for anything that I can come across, and this includes the latest FH update. Pause.

Now, FH has been going through various updates lately, but ever since the Warmonger and their flamberge sword, they had no new characters. The flamberge, if anyone has forgotten, is a ‘flame-bladed sword’, aka… any sword whose blade is not straight, but wavy, to inflict greater damager. The sword types vary from the rapier, (self-explanatory), to the Zweihander, a two-handed sword, (a sword that you need both hands to wield, that is). Frankly, the two blades represent two ends of a wide spectrum of sword blades, yet both can have wavy- or flame-shaped blades. FH was scraping the bottom of the barrel here, not to mention that the term ‘warmonger’ is extremely generic in and of itself, (I do not have to explain it, do I?), but then they turned around – or did they? Let us talk about the gryphon.

…The ‘gryphon’, of course, is primarily just an alternate writing of ‘the griffin’, which is an eagle-lion hybrid that had its’ start in the Ancient Greece and Rome, but somehow survived through the Medieval times and beyond. Secondarily, of course, it is used as a name for various businesses, organizations, movies, art pieces, and even a mud volcano in geology, a parachute system in the military, (and also an American military rocket), and an asteroid, (6136 Gryphon, FYI). What do they have in common outside of their names? Absolutely nothing!..

…That is because the gryphon – or the griffin – itself is not so much generic, as it got a very specific appearance, as it is lackluster, unlike the dragon: the dragon has plenty of mythos to go on by, while the gryphon – doesn’t. In the ancient times, it pulled chariots of gods, (sometimes, when gods needed chariots that needed pulling and regular winged horses weren’t available, I guess), and it also guarded gold out in the East from the one-eyed Arimaspians, or Arimaspoi, a fictional race.

The Arimaspians themselves are gone, (since they were just smaller versions of Cyclopes, really), but the gryphons have survived in various fantasy RPGs, novels and comics, eking out some sort of a living as steeds for various characters…though the hippogriffs do a better job of it, apparently, and now, we got this. The Gryphon character in the FH.

Sadly, the man in question, (in the promo video this character was male, so I will be referring to the Gryphon as such), doesn’t look very eagle-like or lion-like – rather, he is just a man, armed with a bardiche.

Now, a bardiche – there are several ways of spelling it, but we will be calling it just a bardiche – is a poleaxe. If it sounds familiar, that is because the Lawbringer of the Knight version is already using a poleaxe in FH. Unlike this basic version, however, a bardiche is more elongated vertically with a crescent moon shape, and it has no spikes on top or in the back, unlike the halberd.

…The halberd brings us back to DW proper, because this show put the halberd against the bardiche in the ‘Ivan the Terrible vs. Hernan Cortez’ episode back in S3. We’ve discussed this episode when it first came out, and, admittedly, I don’t want to discuss it again – it had its’ flaws, it had its’ prejudices, but it was never truly bad or anything like that; but then again, DW had never been intentionally bad or stupid or prejudiced; now unintentionally is another story, but DW is gone, and we won’t be talking about it anytime soon, not for a good reason. That said, it had been a good show, just as good as AFO had been, for AFO, unlike of the later AP series, aimed to both entertain and educate, and its’ CGI wasn’t so bad for the early 2000s period…. Where were we?

Ah yes, the bardiche. It is a battle-axe, a poleaxe, or what else have you. It does not have two blades as the hitokiri’s weapon does, for example, though the FH version also has a stabbing tip. Neat. Anything else?

Sadly, no. I just wanted to remind everyone that I am still alive and kicking, at least for now. See you all soon instead!

Reminiscing about 1E Pathfinder - Oct 6

 Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, but the reason as to why I kept a silence on my blog post-‘Mulan-2020’ is…because of it, really. Our TV/cable box, (sponsored by Rogers™!), has died, we tried to replace it, and may now replace our TV instead, because it is that old. It is a huge heavy thing, and I do not envy the task of getting it out of our home, because I will be the one doing it, most likely. …Getting rid of the TV, that is. Did I mention that real life sucks, already? Anything else?

We have been trying our luck with Pathfinder™, and by Pathfinder™, I mean that we are making our own 1E campaign, to use their terminology. In it, our PCs were commissioned to go down to the Mwangi jungles to capture an okapi, (it is a real life animal – look it up on the Wiki), for their patron. Not the most intense motivation, but hey, when you are playing for yourselves and for your own enjoyment, you can live with it.

…You do need some villains to spice up the game, and so, enter ‘Nature’s Scourge’ from the 1E ‘Villain Codex’ – a collection of various villains, all of whom have some connection to nature. Pause.

On the topic of the 1E Pathfinder™, the NPC Codex was just a list of stats of the 10 primary classes from 1 to 20, plus the matching 10 prestige classes, plus the NPC classes, all delivered in the same layout. (Plus the appendix, but we are deliberately ignoring it). The Monster Codex contained info on 20 different monsters/monster races, plus some paraphernalia – class archetypes, feats, spells, etc., all of which are appropriate to ‘their’ monster – gnolls, serpentfolk, lizardfolk and so on – in order to make them more derived and challenging. And the Villain Codex?

…And the Villain Codex tried to do something similar, but since most of the characters presented there, are humans, or at least humanoids, who do not have too much in common with each other, this makes the paraphernalia part more tricky… Pause.

NPC Codex was simple – here is a list of rogues, rangers, monks, etc. from the lowest to the highest, Villain Codex was more complex as each organization – whether it’s the aforementioned ‘Nature Scourge’ or, say, the ‘Brutal Slavers’ – is quite heterogeneous, plus they’re… generic.

The speciality of prestige classes is that they give something unique to the characters, something that the base classes by themselves just can’t, plus by choosing to eventually invest in a prestige classes, the players behind to mould their characters appropriately, by choosing the proper feat(s), which may have their own prerequisites, by designating a certain amount of skill ranks to a specific skill, and so on, which results in a more unique character than an average character would be.

…Unfortunately, team Pathfinder™ had its’ own issues with the prestige classes to begin with. Oh sure, they were there; there was, in fact, an entire supplementary rule book titled ‘Paths of Prestige’, dedicated precisely to this topic, but somehow, you could tell that their heart wasn’t in it.

This brings us to archetypes. In the D20 Modern system, there were ‘talent trees’ or something similar – i.e., you could choose what special abilities and qualities your character would have, not to mention that instead of rangers, rogues and bards, the characters of the D20 Modern system were differentiated from each other by their strength, speed, toughness, and so on. As I’ve written way back, the (1E) Pathfinder™ was more influenced by the D20 Modern than by D&D, (despite their own similarities), so not surprisingly that they had something similar – the archetypes, which were, fundamentally, the various special abilities and qualities of rangers, rogues, bards and etc., that replaced some of the others – they were called substitution levels in the 3.5 D&D. So what?

Therefore, the team Pathfinder™ had some issues with the prestige classes – they practically never used them in their adventure paths and co. Even in their later days, when they pushed more and more info about their exalted, evangelist and sentinel prestige classes, they’ve never actually used them in the canon, and any RPG material that isn’t used in a RPG canon is practically stillborn, (pardon the not quite appropriate imagery). Prestige classes were never very widely used in the 1E Pathfinder™, (though there was quite a lot of them, to be fair), and the various archetypes, (i.e., a ‘regular’ rogue is different from a rogue with a ‘poisoner’ archetype, for example), just were not the same.

…Yes, the 3.5 ed. D&D also had archetypes, especially in the ‘Complete Champion’ sourcebook, but we are not talking about this angle right now. What we are talking about is how the source in the Villain Codex was a tangled mess at worst and a heterogeneous one at best, and ‘Nature’s Scourge’ is one of the better one – an evil organization dedicated to reclamation of civilization by nature via occult rituals and what else have you; but what the point?

The point is that Pathfinder-1E never knew where it was going as a franchise. For a while it prospered, but now it seems to have collapsed, as Pathfinder-2E appears to be a lot less grand with a lot less material to offer its’ fans – mostly the various monster conversions, and that just isn’t the same. Still, we are enjoying playing our own campaign, (we still have not come up to our elusive jungle giraffe, eh), and it helps us get away from the concept that real life sucks, and this is also the reason as to why I’ve stayed away from my blog for the time being.

PS: Here is a poacher from the NPC codex with a bestial simple template (Lost Treasures 17) for old times’ sake:

 

POACHER CR 2

XP 600

Bestial human ranger 3

CE Medium humanoid (human)

Init +1; Senses Perception +7

DEFENSE

AC 15, touch 11, flat-footed 13 (+3 armor, +1 Dex, +1 natural)

hp 30 (3d10+9)

Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +2

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee 2 mwk handaxes +6 (1d6+3/×3) or

2 claw attacks (1d4+3) and 1 bite attack (1d3+1)

Ranged mwk heavy crossbow +5 (1d10/19–20)

Special Attacks favored enemy (animals +2)

STATISTICS

Str 17, Dex 12, Con 16, Int 8, Wis 13, Cha 6

Base Atk +3; CMB +6; CMD 17

Feats Double Slice, Endurance, Quick Draw, Two-Weapon Fighting, Weapon Focus (handaxe)

Skills Climb +9, Intimidate +2, Knowledge (geography) +3, Knowledge (local) +0, Knowledge (nature) +4, Perception +7, Stealth +7, Survival +5

Languages Common

SQ favored terrain (forest +2), track +1, wild empathy +2

Combat Gear potion of bull's strength, potions of cure light wounds (2), potion of hide from animals; Other Gear masterwork studded leather, masterwork handaxes (2), masterwork heavy crossbow with 20 bolts, 63 gp.

What do you think? Comments, criticisms are welcome.