S.H.I.E.L.D. 'Code Yellow' - May 31

…Obligatory disclaimer: real life is weird sometimes – in Mother Russia, the ministry of labor has rearranged the holidays, to shorten the New Year celebratory period but to ensure that the amount of holiday days in the Russian year remains the same. Hashtag what gives, and this brings us to AoS’ episode ‘Code Yellow’.

In this episode, we re-meet Deke, who seems to have started his own Fortnite 500 Company or whatever, centered on a VR game that is named ‘the Framework’, and whose existence – Hell, the entire existence of the Deke Shaw plot line in ‘Code Yellow’ – was almost to mock AoS’ S4 and S5, as Deke kind-of recreates some of the elements of those seasons for personal glory.

Here is the fact: in this episode, we learn that Deke Shaw is greedy, self-centered, and shallow. He is also loyal, competent (at least to a certain degree), and smart. He is brave too, especially when it comes to other people, so he’s a mixed bag, and ‘Code Yellow’ really takes what we’ve learned about him back in S5, (especially in the first half), and does its’ best to run with it and to develop Deke further. Sadly, it does this with a typical American humor, so the result is bizarre and absurd and funny mostly to Americans, and the viewers in the other countries just roll their eyes and go along with it.

On the other side, we get to see Yo-Yo and Dr. Benson deal…with an alien space bat of a parasite who infested agent Keller and then killed him. Yeah, AoS keeps on killing its characters off; Yo-Yo appears to be devastated, (fair enough, she and Keller were just beginning to have something between them), but the problem is that in the script she and Dr. Benson have kind of…dithered most of their time while Keller’s immune system was trying to fight-off the alien infestation and he was still alive; the actors’ acting here is simply unconvincing, period. What next?

Sarge and Isis have captured May, but lost the other two members of their team, while Keller is dead, his body converted to some sort of crystals, (like the ones that we have seen in AoS S6 promo) and Yo-Yo is devastated…but the bad acting has ruined that tearjerker of a moment. C&D may be cancelled now that their S2 is over, just as ‘the Gifted’ had been back in April, but…

But the truth is that with the ‘Dark Phoenix’ moving airing in June 2019, this incarnation of the X-Men universe is most likely coming to an end, which means that the entire franchise is likely to be re-shuffled, and now that Disney/Marvel have taken over the X-Men franchise from Fox™, that is even more likely; plus ‘Legion’ is also ending, (after three seasons total), so there’s that. Was ‘the Gifted’ S2 rushed? No, though it did have its’ problems, as we’ve discussed it back in winter 2019, but that is done and gone; ‘the Gifted’ didn’t deliver high enough numbers and so it was given the ax. C&D’s S2 numbers were not that great either, so there is that. In addition, the potential suspicion that their time together is ending might have given C&D’s cast and crew motivation to rush through things and even cut their screen time and plot development because hey, they no longer care about it so much. Just look at GoT S8 and see how well that approach has turned out for them.

…Could Got S8 deliver the same plot developments that we have seen by now and satisfy a greater amount of fans/viewers than it did in real life at the same time. By now, the talk of the petition to reshoot the S8 has died, as it was going to, obviously, (petitions don’t amount to anything, they’re as effective as scaring a hedgehog with your bare naked ass is, and ditto for sanctions – just look at what Russia is doing in Eastern Europe regardless of them), but the bitter aftertaste remains and it just might sour the next generation of viewers from watching the GoT sequel. Ah well, as the ancient Russian epic poem, ‘The Tale of Prince Igor’s army’ says, ‘No matter how badass are you, you may even be able to fly as a bird does, you still will not escape God’s judgement’. Incidentally, this echoes the biblical statement of Ecclesiastes, that ‘God’s mills mill slowly but exceedingly small’ and that everything turns to dust. Thus passes the fame of the world, and in time, GoT will be forgotten just as ‘the Gifted’ are, or ‘Time after Time’ and ‘Powerless’ have been. It will just take GoT a lot longer to reach obscurity; a lot longer. Back to AoS?

No, not really. ‘Code Yellow’ was focused entirely on the S.H.I.E.L.D. team back on Earth, as they are beginning to realize just what they are fighting against – only not. Not unlike at what the script writers tried to do in S2, especially in the first half, when Gonzales’ faction of S.H.I.E.L.D. had infiltrated Coulson’s, in AoS S6 we’re seeing two groups of ‘good guys’ coming to blows with one another because of misunderstandings, and because in case of people of Coulson/Sarge, they’re crazy and pointedly unlikable. Ah well, you can’t win them all, and for the next two weeks we’re going to be AoS free, for better or worse.

This is it for now; see you all soon!

CD, 'Level Up' - May 30

And so, the 2^nd season of C&D has reached conclusion, and what can be said about it?

Well, no, first the obligatory disclaimer: real life…sucks. Sometimes. Other times it is bearable, or outright weird, seeing how a pair of raccoon dogs are currently running around the U.K. countryside. Despite their name, they are actually a part of the dog family than the raccoon one, but otherwise? They are not very closely related to any wild dog at all, and they look quite strange – a mix of raccoon and fox features. No matter how hard TV shows try, they just cannot quite beat real life for weirdness.

C&D, meanwhile, did its’ best to wrap up its second season on a high note; the episode’s very name is ‘Level Up’; and yet…

And yet it is a mess. On one level, everything is straightforward: Ty and Dy go to fight Andre, who is now a god, while back in the mortal world Mayhem is helping Evita hold the fort. Simple, right?

The problems with this statement start with the question: Andre is the god of what? Is he even a god or a loa? Yes, he is the villain of the season, no doubt about it, but that said? He is less of a juggernaut as C&D the show tried to set him up, and more of a trickster, as he messes with the minds of Ty & Dy and the rest of his flock as he attempts to stave off his migraines and co. and- what? He has shed the mortal coil and is now a supernatural entity, what is his endgame now? Honestly, it does not fully fit.

No, let us try again. Andre was dying because of his migraines. (Did he have cancer or some similar sickness?) Roxxon gave him powers, inadvertently. Those powers made Andre a psychic vampire, an abuser, a pimp, and also a trickster. (He was a kickass musician before everything else, note). Fine. However, the catch was that his psychic vampirism allowed him to stave off his death only temporarily; the disease always returned. But then he died and became a god, so why all the kidnappings and psychic vampirisms? Did his ego need this still or what? Moreover, his M.O. – he is a trickster, something that made him somewhat morally ambiguous, something that C&D probably did not want for him, not in the end game.

Ambiguity moves us onto the other villains of the season – Connors and Lia. Fine, Connors’ is dead. The fact that he had tried to help Tyrone and his family and they killed him? Not so good, and the fact that Mayhem then hangs his corpse upon NOPD’s firing range is crude. Yes, Mayhem is crude, obtuse and chaotic; she’s random in her nature; she is randomness and chaos aka mayhem. Odds are, she is not even fully human anymore, (thanks to Roxxon, again). Again, this works, but…

It’s not even that hanging Connors corpse wasn’t really productive, it’s more like how did she know where to find it, how did she know that he was dead? Tyrone’s family aren’t in touch with her, she was more on Tandy’s side of the equation, and now Tandy is leaving New Orleans as the season ends, and now what?

Honestly, that is anyone’s guess. The numbers for C&D S2 were not very high, but the same could be said of S1. If AoS is keeping afloat because Disney/MCU supports it as some sort of a sponsor, then some people have used C&D – made by Freeform – as a message vessel outright: the episode finales constantly ended with breaking-the-fourth-wall messages about abductions, and suicides, and the like. It is a good idea, but since C&D is not the most popular Marvel show yet, maybe it was used prematurely. Maybe AoS (or ‘Runaways’) would be a better fit?

Back to Mayhem? As Brigid she was a human being with a wide range of emotions; as Mayhem, she just breaks things and destroys people; she was on the side of angels in S2, but she was almost more trouble than she was worse, as she’s kind of crazy, certainly amoral, almost invulnerable and super strong. She is the next member of the club initiated by Faith the Vampire Slayer from the original BtVS and Jessica Jones from the now finished Netflix series – but both of them became more rounded and likable people over the course of their series; they rediscovered their hearts, their consciences, and their stories, both past and present improved. Mayhem so far does not have that – her emotional pool has only rage in it and similar emotions; anything else is much reduced. One of Andre’s shadow minions (?) tried to mind-trick her by pretending to be her dead ex-boyfriend – she just blew him up with a grenade. Girl power and all, it is cool, just as Evita shooting the rest of Andre’s shadow minions in the back with some gun (Mayhem’s?), but it does make for a very poor script, with ‘poor’ meaning ‘rushed’. Evita and Tyrone broke up? That is sad, though regardless, I am rooting for Ty and Dy here, because they are the team. Whatever problems ‘Level Up’ had, Ty & Dy kicked ass; the way that they had switched their fears and almost made ‘Level Up’ a comic episode, it was great!

…And now Tandy is leaving town, but obviously, she is going to be back. C&D are a team and cannot really function apart from each other: this is how their corner of MCU works. Yes, C&D the show kept its main stars apart while having them slowly coming together at the same time, but sooner or later this will have to end, as otherwise, C&D will end up as AoS, where the FitzSimmons are constantly kept apart to a point where it’s almost a joke and the fans don’t care – they just put the FitzSimmons together, period; where Daisy (Chloe Bennett) seems to be a permanent bachelorette, (she and Deke could’ve made it work, actually); and as for Gregg (Coulson/Sarge) and Wen (Melinda)…some people are theorizing that their relationship ended both tragically and off-scene because AoS wasn’t comfortable with making an interracial ship. Maybe this is why Yo-Yo has broken-up with Mack and is trying to make a relationship with a new character named Keller – but we are digressing.

The point is that C&D S2 was good, but it was rushed through in places, especially at the end. Yes, the dynamic duo defeated Andre, but at the end Andre appeared to be almost a being of pity than of scorn (or anything else, really). Is he gone or is he coming back? Lia is alive and is doing time, (though how exactly anyone connected her to the missing girls’ case is another question? Tandy had Mayhem pull strings or what?), and that is good, but we have no indication that she’s going to clean up her act; as Grant Ward on AoS and Roman on ‘Blindspot’ showed, this sort of thing can go very bad very fast, so it would be good if Lia isn’t left twisting in the wind but is given therapy; maybe by father Delgado; and father Delgado…

Father Delgado had very little to do in the S2, and especially in the finale – yes, Adina had given him the documents that allowed Connors’ cohorts (including his relative the senator) to go into the slammer, but why him? (Also – Connors’ didn’t lie? In this case, Adina has some bad karma coming her way, I am afraid). He is just a priest; how could he have jump-started that entire legal process? Adina, at least, was some sort of a city politician, I think… What is next?

The next AoS episode – ‘Code Yellow’ – is coming up tomorrow, and then it is on hiatus until June 14. Never liked that approach, but then I was never a part of MCU. I will see you then, and as for C&D? Good luck to them. So far, there is no sound of a S3, and no teaser trailer unlike at the end of S1. This does not bode well, but we will have to wait.

Until then – and I will see you soon.

Pathfinder: xulgaths - May 26

For a change, here's several - okay, a lot of xulgath NPCs (derived troglodyte cousins). Feel to update and change them to suit your needs:

Xulgaths (Pathfinder)

Xulgath slayer (guerilla) 4 CR 7

CE Medium humanoid (reptilian)

Init +7; Senses darkvision 90 ft.; Perception +15

Aura stench (DC 16, 10 rounds)

DEFENSE

AC 19, touch 13, flat-footed 16 (+3 Dex, +6 natural)

hp 80 (6d8+18 plus 4d10+12)

Fort +12, Ref +9, Will +7

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee spear +13 (1d8+6/×3), bite +8 (1d6+2) or 2 claws +13 (1d4+4), bite +13 (1d6+4)

Ranged spear +14 (1d8+5/×3)

Special Attacks 1^st studied target, psychogenic secretions, sneak attack +1d6

Psychic Magic (CL 6th; concentration +7)

5 PE—mindlink (1 PE, DC 12), silent image (1 PE, DC 12), suggestion (2 PE, DC 13)

STATISTICS

Str 18, Dex 18, Con 16, Int 13, Wis 15, Cha 12

Base Atk +8; CMB +12; CMD 21

Feats Animal Affinity, Clinging Climber, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Skill Focus (Perception)

Skills Acrobatics +9, Bluff +3, Climb +10, Handle Animal +13, Knowledge (dungeoneering) +5, Knowledge (local) +5, Perception +15, Ride +6, Sense Motive +5, Stealth +14 (+18 in rocky areas); Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (+8 in rocky areas)

Languages Draconic, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft. (see Psychogenic Secretions below)

SQ Slayer talents (deadly range, rogue talent [camouflage]), strike first, strike last

Combat Gear potion of cure moderate wounds, smokesticks (2); Other Gear mwk spear, 40 gp.

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Psychogenic Secretions (Su)

A xulgath’s stench is far more potent than that of its troglodyte cousins. Although a xulgath’s oily secretions are completely odorless, they cause any creatures (other than xulgaths) that come within 30 feet of a xulgath to immediately recall the most repugnant odor they have ever smelled. This is a mind-affecting effect, but it bypasses a vermin’s immunity to mind-affecting effects. The stench assaults the mind of its victims; even if a creature succeeds at its saving throw to resist being sickened by the xulgath’s stench, it takes a –4 penalty on Will saving throws to resist the xulgath’s psychic magic.

A xulgath’s nonhostile psychic powers, including its mindlink spell and ability to communicate telepathically, are also limited by the range of its stench, as its strange secretions are what allows it to form a bond between its own mind and the minds of others.

Strike First Strike Last (Ex)

A xulgath slayer adds +2 on Stealth checks when remaining motionless and reduces the penalty on Stealth checks when sniping by 2 too. It also gains +2 on its’ initiative checks in surprise rounds whenever it is aware of the surprise round and at least one enemy is unaware.

A xulgath slayer is a professional guerilla, stalking and hunting its’ quarry through the rubble-strewn darkness of its underground home.

ECOLOGY

Environment any underground

Organization solitary, pair, or clutch (3–6)

Treasure standard

Xulgath psychic 6 CR 9

CE Medium humanoid (reptilian)

Init +3; Senses darkvision 90 ft.; Perception +11

Aura stench (DC 16, 10 rounds)

DEFENSE

AC 19, touch 13, flat-footed 16 (+3 Dex, +6 natural)

hp 84 (6d8+18 plus 6d6+18)

Fort +10, Ref +7, Will +11

Resist Morphic Body

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee spear +10 (1d8+6/×3), bite +5 (1d6+2) or 2 claws +10 (1d4+4), bite +10 (1d6+4)

Ranged spear +13 (1d8+4/×3)

Special Attacks detect thoughts, discipline power, discipline spell, knacks, phrenic amplification, phrenic pool, psychic discipline, psychogenic secretions

Psychic Spells Known (CL 6^th; concentration +7)

3^rd (3/day) – excruciating deformation ^b (DC 17), id insinuation II (DC 17)

2^nd (5/day) – amplify stench (DC 16), id insinuation I (DC 16)

1^st (6/day) – adhesive spittle (DC 15), alter self b, lesser confusion (DC 15), disguise self, ear-piercing scream (DC 15), ray of enfeeblement ^b (DC 15)

0 (at will) – arcane mark, bleed (DC 14), detect magic, detect poison, prestidigitation, read magic, resistance

Psychic Magic (CL 6th; concentration +7)

5 PE—mindlink (1 PE, DC 12), silent image (1 PE, DC 12), suggestion (2 PE, DC 13)

STATISTICS

Str 18, Dex 17, Con 16, Int 13, Wis 15, Cha 13

Base Atk +7; CMB +11; CMD 21

Feats Animal Affinity, Combat Casting, Extra Amplification, Intuitive Spell, Iron Will, Skill Focus (Perception)

Skills Bluff +7, Handle Animal +12, Intimidate +7, Perception +11, Ride +5, Spellcraft +7, Stealth +13 (+17 in rocky areas); Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (+8 in rocky areas)

Languages Draconic, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft. (see Psychogenic Secretions below)

Combat Gear potion of cure moderate wounds, wand of shield (10 charges); Other Gear mwk spear, cloak of resistance +1, 200 gp

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Detect Thoughts (Sp)

1/day, CL 6^th.

Discipline Powers

Dark Half, Morphic Form

Phrenic Amplifications:

Conjured Armor, Intense Focus, Mindshield

Phrenic Pool (Su)

A xulgath psychic’s phrenic pool is 7.

Psychic Discipline (Su)

Abomination

Psychogenic Secretions (Su)

A xulgath’s stench is far more potent than that of its troglodyte cousins. Although a xulgath’s oily secretions are completely odorless, they cause any creatures (other than xulgaths) that come within 30 feet of a xulgath to immediately recall the most repugnant odor they have ever smelled. This is a mind-affecting effect, but it bypasses a vermin’s immunity to mind-affecting effects. The stench assaults the mind of its victims; even if a creature succeeds at its saving throw to resist being sickened by the xulgath’s stench, it takes a –4 penalty on Will saving throws to resist the xulgath’s psychic magic.

A xulgath’s nonhostile psychic powers, including its mindlink spell and ability to communicate telepathically, are also limited by the range of its stench, as its strange secretions are what allows it to form a bond between its own mind and the minds of others.

ECOLOGY

Environment any underground

Organization solitary, pair, or clutch (3–6)

Treasure standard

A xulgath psychic is an abominable madman, usually driven by its’ dark half and is far more combat-happy than psychics of other races are. Usually, a xulgath psychic follows the Abomination discipline, though pain and psychedelia are also common.

Xulgath druid (cave druid) 5 CR 8

CE Medium humanoid (reptilian)

Init +7; Senses darkvision 90 ft.; Perception +11

Aura stench (DC 16, 10 rounds)

DEFENSE

AC 19, touch 13, flat-footed 16 (+3 Dex, +6 natural)

hp 91 (11d8+33)

Fort +14, Ref +9, Will +12

Resist subterranean corruption

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee spear +12 (1d8+6/×3), bite +7 (1d6+2) or 2 claws +12 (1d4+4), bite +12 (1d6+4)

Ranged spear +13 (1d8+4/×3)

Special Attacks psychogenic secretions

Domain Spell-Like Abilities (CL 6^th; concentration +7)

6/day – touch of darkness

Druid Spells (CL 6^th; concentration +7)

3^rd – deeper darkness ^D, meld into stone

2^nd – blindness/deafness (blindness only) ^d (DC 14), spider climb, summon nature’s ally II

1^st – charm animal (DC 13), detect snares or pits, entangle (DC 13), obscuring mist ^D (DC 13)

0 (4/day) – detect magic, detect poison, guidance, know direction

Psychic Magic (CL 6th; concentration +7)

5 PE—mindlink (1 PE, DC 12), silent image (1 PE, DC 12), suggestion (2 PE, DC 13)

STATISTICS

Str 18, Dex 17, Con 16, Int 13, Wis 16, Cha 12

Base Atk +10/+5; CMB +14; CMD 21

Feats Animal Affinity, Blind-Fight ^b, Combat Casting, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Lightning Reflexes, Skill Focus (Perception)

Skills Climb +11, Handle Animal +17, Knowledge (dungeoneering) +10, Perception +11, Ride +10, Spellcraft +6, Stealth +13 (+17 in rocky areas); Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (+8 in rocky areas)

Languages Draconic, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft. (see Psychogenic Secretions below)

SQ Cavesense, lightfoot, nature bond (Darkness domain), tunnelrunner, wild empathy +5 (+1 oozes)

Combat Gear potion of cure moderate wounds, scroll of greater magic fang, scroll of summon swarm Other Gear mwk spear, pouch of spell focus components, 25 gp

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Psychogenic Secretions (Su)

A xulgath’s stench is far more potent than that of its troglodyte cousins. Although a xulgath’s oily secretions are completely odorless, they cause any creatures (other than xulgaths) that come within 30 feet of a xulgath to immediately recall the most repugnant odor they have ever smelled. This is a mind-affecting effect, but it bypasses a vermin’s immunity to mind-affecting effects. The stench assaults the mind of its victims; even if a creature succeeds at its saving throw to resist being sickened by the xulgath’s stench, it takes a –4 penalty on Will saving throws to resist the xulgath’s psychic magic.

A xulgath’s nonhostile psychic powers, including its mindlink spell and ability to communicate telepathically, are also limited by the range of its stench, as its strange secretions are what allows it to form a bond between its own mind and the minds of others.

ECOLOGY

Environment any underground

Organization solitary, pair, or clutch (3–6)

Treasure standard

A xulgath druid is usually a cave druid or a rot druid. It usually hates all life, especially sentient, and prefers to spend its’ time with the elements or its plant (fungi) companions. Anything or anyone else, it will attack on sight, most likely.

Xulgath cleric (cardinal) 5 CR 8

CE Medium humanoid (reptilian)

Init +3; Senses darkvision 90 ft.; Perception +11

Aura stench (DC 16, 10 rounds)

DEFENSE

AC 19, touch 13, flat-footed 16 (+3 Dex, +6 natural)

hp 86 (11d8+33)

Fort +12, Ref +6, Will +10

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee spear +13 (1d8+6/×3), bite +8 (1d6+2) or 2 claws +13 (1d4+4), bite +13 (1d6+4)

Ranged spear +9 (1d8+4/×3)

Special Attacks channel negative energy (3/day, 2d6), psychogenic secretions

Domain Spell-Like Abilities (CL 6^th; concentration +7)

6/day – touch of darkness

Cleric Spells Prepared (CL 6^th; concentration +7)

3^rd – animate dead, deeper darkness ^D

2^nd – augury, blindness/deafness (blindness only) ^d (DC 13), death knell (DC 13)

1^st – bane (DC 12), cause fear (DC 12), deathwatch, obscuring mist ^D (DC 12)

0 (at will) – bleed, detect magic, detect poison, stabilize

D domain spell; Domains: Darkness.

Psychic Magic (CL 6th; concentration +7)

5 PE—mindlink (1 PE, DC 12), silent image (1 PE, DC 12), suggestion (2 PE, DC 13)

STATISTICS

Str 18, Dex 17, Con 16, Int 13, Wis 16, Cha 12

Base Atk +7; CMB +11; CMD 21

Feats Animal Affinity, Blind-Fight ^B, Brilliant Planner, Brilliant Spell Preparation, Deceitful, Iron Will, Skill Focus (Perception)

Skills Bluff +7, Handle Animal +12, Heal +8, Intimidate +5, Knowledge (geography) +6, Knowledge (local) +6, Perception +11, Ride +5, Spellcraft +8, Stealth +13 (+17 in rocky areas); Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (+8 in rocky areas)

Languages Draconic, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft. (see Psychogenic Secretions below)

Combat Gear potions of cure moderate wounds (3), scroll of summon monster II, oil of magic weapon, thunderstone; Other Gear mwk spear, unholy symbol, 100 gp

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Psychogenic Secretions (Su)

A xulgath’s stench is far more potent than that of its troglodyte cousins. Although a xulgath’s oily secretions are completely odorless, they cause any creatures (other than xulgaths) that come within 30 feet of a xulgath to immediately recall the most repugnant odor they have ever smelled. This is a mind-affecting effect, but it bypasses a vermin’s immunity to mind-affecting effects. The stench assaults the mind of its victims; even if a creature succeeds at its saving throw to resist being sickened by the xulgath’s stench, it takes a –4 penalty on Will saving throws to resist the xulgath’s psychic magic.

A xulgath’s nonhostile psychic powers, including its mindlink spell and ability to communicate telepathically, are also limited by the range of its stench, as its strange secretions are what allows it to form a bond between its own mind and the minds of others.

ECOLOGY

Environment any underground

Organization solitary, pair, or clutch (3–6)

Treasure standard

A low-ranking xulgath cleric is a player of intrigue on behalf of their church. There’s little piety in a xulgath cleric as they pursue political power to ensure that the xulgath society runs smoothly, and they do anything to succeed.

Xulgath ranger (deep walker) 7 CR 10

CE Medium humanoid (reptilian)

Init +3; Senses darkvision 90 ft.; Perception +18

Aura stench (DC 16, 10 rounds)

DEFENSE

AC 19, touch 13, flat-footed 16 (+3 Dex, +6 natural)

hp 108 (6d8+18 plus 7d10+21)

Fort +13, Ref +10, Will +8

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee spear +18/+13 (1d8+6/×3), bite +13/+8 (1d6+2) or 2 claws +18/+13 (1d4+4), bite +18/+13 (1d6+4)

Ranged spear +18/+13 (1d8+5/×3)

Special Attacks combat style (two-weapon fighting), favored enemy (drow +2, dwarves +4), psychogenic secretions

Psychic Magic (CL 6th; concentration +7)

5 PE—mindlink (1 PE, DC 12), silent image (1 PE, DC 12), suggestion (2 PE, DC 13)

Ranger Spells Prepared (CL 6^th; concentration +7)

1^st – alarm (DC 14)

STATISTICS

Str 18, Dex 18, Con 16, Int 13, Wis 15, Cha 12

Base Atk +11/+13; CMB +15/+17; CMD 21

Feats Animal Affinity, Double Slice ^B, Endurance ^B, Iron Will, Mounted Combat, Nimble Moves, Skill Focus (Perception), Track ^B, Two-Weapon Fighting ^B, Vital Strike

Skills Climb +18, Handle Animal +19, Intimidate +6, Knowledge (dungeoneering) +8, Perception +18, Ride +12, Stealth +20 (+24 in rocky areas); Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (+8 in rocky areas)

Languages Draconic, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft. (see Psychogenic Secretions below)

SQ deep knowledge +2, hunter’s bond (companions), rock hopper

Combat Gear potions of cure moderate wounds (2), potion of energy resistance (cold), tanglefoot bags (3); Other Gear mwk spear, bracers of armor +1, 95 gp

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Psychogenic Secretions (Su)

A xulgath’s stench is far more potent than that of its troglodyte cousins. Although a xulgath’s oily secretions are completely odorless, they cause any creatures (other than xulgaths) that come within 30 feet of a xulgath to immediately recall the most repugnant odor they have ever smelled. This is a mind-affecting effect, but it bypasses a vermin’s immunity to mind-affecting effects. The stench assaults the mind of its victims; even if a creature succeeds at its saving throw to resist being sickened by the xulgath’s stench, it takes a –4 penalty on Will saving throws to resist the xulgath’s psychic magic.

A xulgath’s nonhostile psychic powers, including its mindlink spell and ability to communicate telepathically, are also limited by the range of its stench, as its strange secretions are what allows it to form a bond between its own mind and the minds of others.

ECOLOGY

Environment any underground

Organization solitary, pair, or clutch (3–6)

Treasure standard

Xulgath rangers are professional walkers of the depths, specializing in difficult underground terrain, and are remorseless trackers of the xulgath enemies and quarries.

Xulgath cavalier (saurian champion) 8 CR 11

CE Medium humanoid (reptilian)

Init +3; Senses darkvision 90 ft.; Perception +17

Aura stench (DC 16, 10 rounds)

DEFENSE

AC 19, touch 13, flat-footed 16 (+3 Dex, +6 natural)

hp 125 (6d8+18 plus 8d10+24)

Fort +14, Ref +7, Will +8

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee spear +19/+14 (1d8+7/×3), bite +14/+9 (1d6+3) or 2 claws +19/+14 (1d4+5), bite +19/+14 (1d6+5)

Ranged spear +15/+10 (1d8+4/×3)

Special Attacks psychogenic secretions, titanic challenge 3/day

Psychic Magic (CL 6th; concentration +7)

5 PE—mindlink (1 PE, DC 12), silent image (1 PE, DC 12), suggestion (2 PE, DC 13)

STATISTICS

Str 19, Dex 17, Con 16, Int 14, Wis 15, Cha 12

Base Atk +12/+7; CMB +16/+11; CMD 21

Feats Animal Affinity, Critical Focus ^B, Iron Will, Mounted Combat, Power Attack, Ride-By Attack, Skill Focus (Perception)

Skills Acrobatics +10, Climb +7, Diplomacy +6, Handle Animal +18, Intimidate +8, Perception +17, Ride +11, Sense Motive +10, Stealth +13 (+17 in rocky areas); Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (+8 in rocky areas)

Languages Draconic, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft. (see Psychogenic Secretions below)

SQ expert trainer, fierce devotion, mount (triceratops), nimble rider, savage combatant, wild warrior

Combat Gear: potion of cure moderate wounds (2); Other Gear mwk spear, belt of giant strength, cloak of resistance, 35 gp

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Fierce Devotion (Ex)

The saurian champion’s mount has the devotion ability and its effects also apply against emotion and fear effects. The mount is immune to the effects of unnatural aura.

Nimble Rider (Ex)

A saurian champion has a +2 dodge bonus to AC when mounted. Anything that causes it to lose its’ Dexterity bonus to AC also causes the saurian champion to lose this dodge bonus.

Psychogenic Secretions (Su)

A xulgath’s stench is far more potent than that of its troglodyte cousins. Although a xulgath’s oily secretions are completely odorless, they cause any creatures (other than xulgaths) that come within 30 feet of a xulgath to immediately recall the most repugnant odor they have ever smelled. This is a mind-affecting effect, but it bypasses a vermin’s immunity to mind-affecting effects. The stench assaults the mind of its victims; even if a creature succeeds at its saving throw to resist being sickened by the xulgath’s stench, it takes a –4 penalty on Will saving throws to resist the xulgath’s psychic magic.

A xulgath’s nonhostile psychic powers, including its mindlink spell and ability to communicate telepathically, are also limited by the range of its stench, as its strange secretions are what allows it to form a bond between its own mind and the minds of others.

Savage Combatant (Ex)

A saurian champion does not deal double damage when charging with a lance (or a similar weapon) while mounted. While mounted, a saurian champion cannot attack with ranged weapons other than thrown weapons.

Titanic Challenge (Ex)

A saurian champion considers only the largest creatures a true challenge. Its titanic challenge adds only +4 on damage rolls against Medium or smaller creatures, but adds a +1 bonus on attack rolls against a target of its challenge that is at least two sizes categories large than itself (aka Huge) and a +2 bonus on attack rolls against a Colossal target of its challenge.

Wild Warrior (Ex)

A saurian champion does not select an order or gain any order-related benefits.

ECOLOGY

Environment any underground

Organization solitary, pair, or clutch (3–6)

Treasure standard

A xulgath cavalier, when it is riding its’ triceratops mount in combat, is a savage and malicious opponent indeed, intent on killing everyone last one of its’ foes and the foes of its’ tribe.

Xulgath barbarian (cave barbarian ) 8 CR 11

CE Medium humanoid (reptilian)

Init +7; Senses darkvision 90 ft.; Perception +16 (+18 to detect ambushes, movement and sound in darkness)

Aura stench (DC 16, 10 rounds)

DEFENSE

AC 19, touch 13, flat-footed 16 (+3 Dex, +6 natural)

hp 142 (6d8+18 plus 8d12+24)

Fort +14, Ref +9, Will +8

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee +1 spear +20/+15 (1d8+8/×3), bite +15/+10 (1d6+3) or 2 claws +20/+15 (1d4+5), bite +20/+15 (1d6+5)

Ranged spear +18/+13 (1d8+4/×3)

Special Attacks psychogenic secretions, rage powers (animal fury, bestial climber, eclipsing rage, raging climber)

Psychic Magic (CL 6th; concentration +7)

5 PE—mindlink (1 PE, DC 12), silent image (1 PE, DC 12), suggestion (2 PE, DC 13)

STATISTICS

Str 19, Dex 17, Con 17, Int 13, Wis 15, Cha 12

Base Atk +4; CMB +8; CMD 21

Feats Animal Affinity, Combat Reflexes, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Lightning Reflexes, Power Attack, Skill Focus (Perception)

Skills Acrobatics +9, Climb +12, Handle Animal +17, Intimidate +4, Knowledge (nature) +6, Perception +16, Stealth +18 (+22 in rocky areas), Survival +8, Swim +12; Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (+8 in rocky areas)

Languages Draconic, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft. (see Psychogenic Secretions below)

SQ improved uncanny dodge, sun walker, tight tunnels, trap sense +2, tunnel vision, uncanny dodge

Combat Gear potions of cure moderate wounds (3); Other Gear +1 spear, belt of incredible dexterity +2, bag of gemstones, 60 gp

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Psychogenic Secretions (Su)

A xulgath’s stench is far more potent than that of its troglodyte cousins. Although a xulgath’s oily secretions are completely odorless, they cause any creatures (other than xulgaths) that come within 30 feet of a xulgath to immediately recall the most repugnant odor they have ever smelled. This is a mind-affecting effect, but it bypasses a vermin’s immunity to mind-affecting effects. The stench assaults the mind of its victims; even if a creature succeeds at its saving throw to resist being sickened by the xulgath’s stench, it takes a –4 penalty on Will saving throws to resist the xulgath’s psychic magic.

A xulgath’s nonhostile psychic powers, including its mindlink spell and ability to communicate telepathically, are also limited by the range of its stench, as its strange secretions are what allows it to form a bond between its own mind and the minds of others.

Sun Walker (Ex)

A xulgath cave dweller has a +1 dodge bonus to AC and on saving throws against effects with the light descriptor or that produce bright or sudden light. Any penalties on attack rolls, saving throws or skill checks because of bright light are reduced by 1.

Tight Tunnels (Ex)

A xulgath cave dweller can make a single turn up to 90 degrees while running (though not while charging). Additionally, they take no penalties to movement speed while squeezing

Tunnel Vision (Ex)

A xulgath cave dweller has a +2 bonus on Perception checks to detect ambushes, movement, and sound while in darkness.

A xulgath cave dweller is often the tribe’s champion, not the best or smartest fighter, but the most ferocious and feral. They continue fighting until either they or their enemies are dead. They often are praised by the xulgath leaders, but the latter keep a careful eye on them, just in case.

Xulgath shifter (elemental shifter) 10 CR 13

CE Medium humanoid (reptilian)

Init +3; Senses darkvision 90 ft.; Perception +18

Aura stench (DC 16, 10 rounds)

DEFENSE

AC 20, touch 13, flat-footed 16 (+3 Dex, +6 natural, +2 defensive bonus)

hp 144 (6d8+18 plus 10d10+30)

Fort +15, Ref +12, Will +9

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee spear +21/+16 (1d8+6/×3), bite +16/+11 (1d8+2) or 2 claws +21/+16 (1d6+4), bite +21/+16 (1d8+4)

Ranged spear +17/+12 (1d8+4/×3)

Special Attacks elemental aspect, elemental form, elemental speech, elemental strike, omnielementalist, psychogenic secretions

Psychic Magic (CL 6th; concentration +7)

5 PE—mindlink (1 PE, DC 12), silent image (1 PE, DC 12), suggestion (2 PE, DC 13)

STATISTICS

Str 18, Dex 17, Con 16, Int 14, Wis 16, Cha 12

Base Atk +14/+9; CMB +18/+13; CMD 21

Feats Animal Affinity, Improved Natural Attack (claws), Improved Natural Attack (bite), Iron Will, Jaguar Pounce, Power Attack, Skill Focus (Perception)

Skills Acrobatics +11, Climb +12, Craft (weaponsmithing) +8, Handle Animal +18, Knowledge (nature) +8, Perception +18, Ride +11, Stealth +19 (+23 in rocky areas), Survival +10, Swim +12; Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (+8 in rocky areas)

Languages Draconic, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft. (see Psychogenic Secretions below)

SQ defensive instinct, track, trackless step, woodland stride

Combat Gear potions of cure serious wounds (2); Other Gear mwk spear, bracers of armor +2, cloak of resistance +1

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Defensive Instinct (Ex)

When unarmored, not using a shield, unencumbered, and conscious, the elemental shifter adds his Wis bonus to his AC and CMD. If he is wearing non-metal armor or using a non-metal shield, they instead add half his Wis bonus to AC. In addition, they have a +2 bonus to AC and CMD. These bonuses to AC apply even against touch attacks and when the elemental shifter is flat-footed. They lose these bonuses when immobilized or helpless. These bonuses don’t stack with the monk’s AC bonus class feature.

Elemental Aspect (Su)

This elemental shifter has the earth, fire and water elemental aspects.

Elemental Form (Su)

When an elemental shifter uses wild shape, they instead are affected as if by elemental body I, but they only gain the benefits of their elemental aspect. While in an elemental form, the elemental shifter can speak only the elemental language associated with that form and they can do so only if they know it.

Elemental Speech (Su)

When in their elemental aspect, an elemental shifter gains the benefit of tongues with creatures of the elemental subtype that match their current elemental aspect.

Elemental Strike (Su)

As a swift action, the elemental shifter can charge their melee attack with elemental energy. They can charge their attacks only with the element they have chosen with elemental aspects. Once charged, each melee attack the elemental shifter makes until the start of their next turn deals an additional 3d6 points of energy damage based on the element they choose when taking this action.

Omnielementalist (Su)

An elemental shifter can fuse two elemental forms together, gaining combined powers of the different aspects and manifesting them in ways similar to powerful natural weather phenomena. When an elemental shifter takes on one minor form each from two of their elemental aspects, they gain an additional ability as long as they maintain that form. (Mudslide, steam cloud, volcanic stride).

Psychogenic Secretions (Su)

A xulgath’s stench is far more potent than that of its troglodyte cousins. Although a xulgath’s oily secretions are completely odorless, they cause any creatures (other than xulgaths) that come within 30 feet of a xulgath to immediately recall the most repugnant odor they have ever smelled. This is a mind-affecting effect, but it bypasses a vermin’s immunity to mind-affecting effects. The stench assaults the mind of its victims; even if a creature succeeds at its saving throw to resist being sickened by the xulgath’s stench, it takes a –4 penalty on Will saving throws to resist the xulgath’s psychic magic.

A xulgath’s nonhostile psychic powers, including its mindlink spell and ability to communicate telepathically, are also limited by the range of its stench, as its strange secretions are what allows it to form a bond between its own mind and the minds of others.

Track (Ex)

An elemental shifter adds half their level as a bonus on Survival checks to follow tracks.

Trackless Step (Ex):

An elemental shifter leaves no trail in natural surroundings and cannot be tracked. They can choose to leave a trail if that is so desired.

Woodland Stride (Ex)

As a 10-th level druid.

ECOLOGY

Environment any underground

Organization solitary, pair, or clutch (3–6)

Treasure standard

A xulgath shifter is one of the most powerful members of a xulgath tribe, and usually serves as a bodyguard to a xulgath king. Almost all xulgath shifters are elemental shifters, though some prefer to take on the basic shifter path, or, more rarely, that of an oozemorph. Despite their inherently evil nature, no xulgath would become a fiendflesh shifter – for some reason they consider this path to be anathema to their natures. On their own, xulgath shifters are not very sane, though they are usually lucid, and are firmly devoted to both their tribes and their elements. As a rule, they acquire an earth elemental aspect first, and the air elemental aspect last. They hate intruders and will do their best to kill them, if given a chance.

Xulgath cleric (cardinal) 11 CR 14

CE Medium humanoid (reptilian)

Init +3; Senses darkvision 90 ft.; Perception +12

Aura stench (DC 16, 10 rounds)

DEFENSE

AC 19, touch 13, flat-footed 16 (+3 Dex, +6 natural)

hp 153 (17d8+51)

Fort +15, Ref +8, Will +13

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee +1 spear +18/+13 (1d8+9/×3), bite +13/+8 (1d6+4) or 2 claws +18/+13 (1d4+6), bite +18/+13 (1d6+8)

Ranged spear +14/+9 (1d8+4/×3)

Special Attacks channel negative energy (6/day, 5/day), psychogenic secretions

Domain Spell-Like Abilities (CL 7^th; concentration +8

6/day – touch of darkness (5 rounds)

5/day – eyes of darkness

Cleric Spells Prepared (CL 7^th; concentration +8)

6^th – create undead, shadow walk ^D,

5^th – greater command (DC 20), dispel good, summon monster V (1d3 shadows) ^D,

4^th – chaos hammer (DC 19), discern lies (DC 19), divine power, shadow conjuration ^D (DC 19),

3^rd – animate dead, bestow curse (DC 18), deeper darkness ^D, invisibility purge (DC 18), magic circle against good

2^nd – align weapon, blindness/deafness (blindness only) ^D (DC 17), bull’s strength, enthrall (DC 17), gentle repose

1^st – bane (DC 16), cause fear (DC 16), command (DC 16), detect good, obscuring mist ^D

0 (at) – bleed (DC 15), guidance, read magic, stabilize (DC 15)

(D) Domain spell; Domains: Darkness

Psychic Magic (CL 6th; concentration +7)

5 PE—mindlink (1 PE, DC 12), silent image (1 PE, DC 12), suggestion (2 PE, DC 13)

STATISTICS

Str 20, Dex 17, Con 16, Int 13, Wis 18, Cha 13

Base Atk +12/+7; CMB +16/+11; CMD 21

Feats Animal Affinity, Blustering Bluff, Brilliant Planner, But a Scratch, Combat Casting, Iron Will, Skill Focus (Perception)

Skills Bluff +9, Diplomacy +9, Handle Animal +13, Heal +10, Intimidate +9, Knowledge (geography) +8, Knowledge (local) +8, Knowledge (religion) +8, Knowledge (the planes) +8, Linguistics +8, Perception +12, Ride +5, Spellcraft +8, Stealth +13 (+17 in rocky areas); Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (+8 in rocky areas)

Languages Draconic, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft. (see Psychogenic Secretions below)

Combat Gear potions of cure moderate wounds (4), wand of bear’s endurance (8 charges); Other Gear +1 spear, belt of giant strength +2, headband of inspired wisdom +2, other gear, 50 gp

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Psychogenic Secretions (Su)

A xulgath’s stench is far more potent than that of its troglodyte cousins. Although a xulgath’s oily secretions are completely odorless, they cause any creatures (other than xulgaths) that come within 30 feet of a xulgath to immediately recall the most repugnant odor they have ever smelled. This is a mind-affecting effect, but it bypasses a vermin’s immunity to mind-affecting effects. The stench assaults the mind of its victims; even if a creature succeeds at its saving throw to resist being sickened by the xulgath’s stench, it takes a –4 penalty on Will saving throws to resist the xulgath’s psychic magic.

A xulgath’s nonhostile psychic powers, including its mindlink spell and ability to communicate telepathically, are also limited by the range of its stench, as its strange secretions are what allows it to form a bond between its own mind and the minds of others.

ECOLOGY

Environment any underground

Organization solitary, pair, or clutch (3–6)

Treasure standard

A xulgath high priest is a mastermind of intrigue, utilizing not so much the occult, as the sneaky powers of the mind and its’ straightforward cunning. Like its’ subordinates, it usually has access to the Darkness domain, or to the Loss subdomain, though Chaos and Evil domains (and Demon and Fear subdomains) are also frequest. A xulgath high priest rules with an iron claw, and is always ready and willing to sacrifice live sacrifices, whether its’ own people or outsiders to further its’ goals and to increase its’ own powers.

Half-hezrou xulgath CR 6

CE Medium outsider (native, reptilian)

Init +3; Senses darkvision 90 ft.; Perception +13

Aura stench (DC 16, 10 rounds)

DEFENSE

AC 20, touch 13, flat-footed 16 (+3 Dex, +8 natural)

hp 81 (6d8+54)

Fort +8, Ref +5, Will +6

Defensive Qualities DR 5/magic; Immune poison; Resist acid 10, cold 10, electricity 10, fire 10; SR 15

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft., swim 30 ft.

Melee spear +8 (1d8+10/×3), bite +3 (1d6+6) or 2 claws +8 (1d4+8), bite +8 (1d6+8)

Ranged spear +7 (1d8+4/×3)

Special Attacks psychogenic secretions, smite good, spell-like abilities, stench

Psychic Magic (CL 6th; concentration +7)

5 PE—mindlink (1 PE, DC 12), silent image (1 PE, DC 12), suggestion (2 PE, DC 13)

Spell-Like Abilities (CL 6^th)

3/day – darkness; 1/day – gaseous form, unholy blight (DC 16)

STATISTICS

Str 22, Dex 17, Con 22, Int 15, Wis 17, Cha 16

Base Atk +4; CMB +8; CMD 21

Feats Animal Affinity, Iron Will, Skill Focus (Perception)

Skills Handle Animal +14, Perception +13, Ride +5, Stealth +15 (+19 in rocky areas); Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (+8 in rocky areas)

Languages Draconic, Undercommon; telepathy 30 ft. (see Psychogenic Secretions below)

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Psychogenic Secretions (Su)

A xulgath’s stench is far more potent than that of its troglodyte cousins. Although a xulgath’s oily secretions are completely odorless, they cause any creatures (other than xulgaths) that come within 30 feet of a xulgath to immediately recall the most repugnant odor they have ever smelled. This is a mind-affecting effect, but it bypasses a vermin’s immunity to mind-affecting effects. The stench assaults the mind of its victims; even if a creature succeeds at its saving throw to resist being sickened by the xulgath’s stench, it takes a –4 penalty on Will saving throws to resist the xulgath’s psychic magic.

A xulgath’s nonhostile psychic powers, including its mindlink spell and ability to communicate telepathically, are also limited by the range of its stench, as its strange secretions are what allows it to form a bond between its own mind and the minds of others.

Smite Good (Su)

As a 6-th level paladin save that it affects good foes only.

ECOLOGY

Environment any underground

Organization solitary, pair, or clutch (3–6)

Treasure standard

Unlike many other evil humanoids, xulgaths do not cavort with demons very regularly, preferring to use less extraplanar and supernatural means of evil to spread their influence across. The only exception are the hezrou demons, who have a relationship of mutual interest and respect with the xulgaths, finding that they have many things in common. Xulgaths find hezrous to be too barbaric, and hezrous find xulgaths to be too weak, but this does not prevent from half-hezrou xulgaths to appear among the xulgath society. A half-hezrou xulgath looks like a big and bulky xulgath with a skin condition and body proportions that are more frog-like than lizard-like A half-hezrou xulgath will be usually a barbarian or an alchemist within the xulgath society.

Enjoy!

Aladdin 2019 - May 25

And now let us talk about that plucky lad, named Al. Did his real life movie work?

Yes, yes it did. Why so surprised? ‘B&B’ reboot worked, so did ‘Jungle Book’, and even ‘Dumbo’ – for some people at least. Unlike ‘Dumbo’ though, ‘Aladdin’ did not take any risks or liberties with the original material and is 90% a direct reboot of the original 1990s film. And?

And nothing. The original movie worked because it was good, and 2019’s reboot did its’ best to follow the established lines and it worked. It wasn’t exciting but it work, which is good enough for Disney, given how the other approach in regards to SW seemed to have backfired, so playing it safe and secure for Disney forwards ho!

…Yes, Disney (and Guy Ritchie here) tried to be woke and forward here too, what with Jasmine and Genie’s plotlines, but again, it works. When America does not try to shove political correctness down everyone’s throat extra hard, it works.

On the other side it did not work with Jafar – in the original movie Jafar was decisively darkly sadistic, (actually many of Disney’s 1990s animated movies these days look darker than their modern counterparts), but also humorous and well rounded as a character. His 2019 counterpart, on the other hand, feels like a typical evil stereotype, with a hint of Jafar’s song from the ‘Return of Jafar’ movie aka ‘Aladdin II’ that went straight to DVD (I think). In it, Jafar sings a song that is called ‘second rate’, and in 2019 film, he constantly feels second rate to no one in general and everyone in particular. Maybe the scriptwriters tried to give him a dash of LK Scar, who constantly felt as if he was in Mufasa’s shadow, but that did not work for Scar in LK, and it does not work for Jafar in 2019 version. When in 1990s he just wanted to take over the world with magic and sorcery, at least he was ambitious, and – impressive as a villain. Yay?

…Considering that in 2019 version he actually was unable to handle the Sultan, yeah, Jafar became rather deflated here, and correspondingly the titular hero did too. It is hard to be a good hero if you do not have a good villain against you, after all. What is next?

Will Smith did not suck, but why should he? His unnatural coloration as the Genie was not his doing; it was more of a technical mishap and that is quite different. Yes, the movie ‘After Earth’ wasn’t very good, and the Netflix film ‘Bright’ or ‘Light’ or something like that wasn’t an improvement either, but WS still got skills, and so he delivered them with panache.

Moreover, speaking of technical mishaps? Abu rather worked, though his capuchin monkey origins were still showing very clearly in the movie, but Iago? Rather than being a generic parrot as he had been in the animated features, he is a scarlet macaw. Pause. Like the other macaw parrot, the scarlet macaw lives in the wild only in the American tropics, and never in the Old World, i.e. Agrabah. Ergo, how exactly did Jafar acquire him? Yes, it is a magical place but still, if Jafar had power or connections powerful enough to export an all-American parrot for his own personal use, then he was not so bad off to begin with. Of course, it is never enough when you are greedy or evil or both or whatever, but regardless did he have to be so lackluster? And did Iago have to be a macaw?

As for the third animal sidekick of the movie, Rajah – yeah, he is a tiger. A CGI tiger, because real life tigers are worse thespians than macaw parrots are – and macaw parrots supposedly can bite through steel wires, let alone human fingers and ears: as a generic parrot Iago was really comic relief, (though yes, he was an oddly competent minion for Jafar too), but as a macaw he could be much more formidable than, well, Abu. That said, the scene when Abu and Aladdin have to deal with a giant-sized Iago? Pause. Where were we?

‘Aladdin 2019’ works. Of course, so does ‘Hellboy 2019’, in my opinion, but much more people disliked it…primarily because it was not Del Toro’s work and design. Del Toro’s duology works too, no doubt, but did we need to piss on ‘Hellboy 2019’ as well? Who knows…?

Anything else? Well, the remade ‘Aladdin’ was good and fun to watch, but ‘The Jungle Book’ was better, though again, this is personal preference. And one more thing, one that may come as a surprise – there is a Soviet version of ‘Aladdin’ as well.

No, seriously, during the Cold War period, USSR went and made their own take on ‘Aladdin’, and it was real life with actors – years if not decades before 2019, almost without CGI, (save for the Genie, duh). There were special effects, but they were done with ropes and things instead. On the NatGeo website, there is a short article about the original 1001 ‘Aladdin’ fairy tale, and it tells people how in the canon it took place in China rather than in the Middle East; and boy, would it be interesting to see a ‘race-bent’ version of ‘Aladdin’ instead of this one? That said, both the Disney versions and the Soviet film took place in Middle East rather than China, but otherwise, the Soviet version was closer to the original, and Aladdin wasn’t exactly a street urchin (or a street rat) but he still was fatherless, leaving with his mother – and then, one day, when the royal entourage was taking princess Boudur (the initial name of the Jasmine-like character) to take a bath in the public bathhouse, (something must’ve gone really wrong with the palace’s baths), she had a tantrum and demanded that someone looks at her face, (a big no-no in medieval Muslim world). That someone got to be Aladdin, he was to be decapitated because he’s a penniless no one and Boudur was the princess, but the Jafar-like sorcerer intervened because he needed Aladdin to go into the dark magical cave and give him the lamp.

NG is right here – there were at least two main villains in the original Aladdin fairy tale – a sorcerer who was not really interested in politics, he just wanted magic power for evil’s sake, and a vizier, who wanted the princess to marry his son so that he would become the next sultan and subsume the dynasty – kind of GoT thinking here – but Aladdin failed that plan with the genie’s magic: by then he outmaneuvered the sorcerer and kept the genie and his lamp for his own. That said, he was still nicer than in the original fairy tale and did eventually keep the genie from the sorcerer’s grasp by his wits and by befriending the genie and so on – but there weren’t really any animal sidekicks, unlike the Disney movies…though the evil wizard was chased out of town at the end of the film by a goat.

Yes, a goat, an ordinary goat, (who probably belonged to Aladdin and his mom or not, it does not matter), chased the sorcerer out of town. Jafar was a sadistic villain who deserved his gruesome defeat in both ‘Aladdin’ and ‘Return of Jafar’, but, on the other hand, if the first film had ended instead of him being powerless and chased out of Agrabah by some random goat…we would’ve had a very different ‘Aladdin 1992’ instead.

As for the Soviet movie, it was so popular in the U.S.S.R. that it even got adapted into a puppet theatre story with basically the same characters, though this time the main villain was the vizier, who wanted to marry princess himself, with the wizard being his flunky, (just think a human version of Iago pre-redemption), who tried to set him and Aladdin onto a collision course to become the winner by default…but got eaten by some random wild lion instead.

…Yeah, it is a good thing that Rajah did not get to be a liger, (a RL tiger-lion hybrid). Those unnatural hybrids are huge and impressive, but most animal protection groups hate them, and for a good reason, though yes, the question as to why Rajah got to be a tiger and not a lion in the original ‘Aladdin’ movie is anyone’s guess. In ‘Aladdin 2019’, it is more justified, but regardless…

…Back to the soviet ‘Aladdin’? (Or rather ‘Aladdin’s Magic Lamp’?) No, not really. Yes, it had a more GoT feel to it than the Disney versions, so let us have a shout-out to S.A. Chakraborty and her ‘Daevabad Trilogy’. Here, she has genies live in a world slash society not unlike that of Martin’s series, save that it is less tangled and convoluted and stretched-out but it still works. Essentially, if you like GoT and ASOIAF, give ‘The City of Brass’ and ‘The Kingdom of Copper’ (aka the published novels of the trilogy) a try – you may enjoy them too.

And secondly, the second shout-out goes to Tanya Huff and in particular her novel ‘The Fire’s Stone’, which is also a novel with strong Got elements, but also magic…and some atypical sexual situations; very mature, very progressive, and very Canadian. Take that, Americans! While you posture and preen about political correctness and whatnot, Canadians go forth and do it! Up yours!

Chakraborty’s novels, though, have something similar too – one of the main themes in this literary world is the half-human half-genie race…yeah, not unlike ‘Aladdin 2019’ there is human-genie interaction of the sexual kind, but in a much more serious manner. What is next?

Nothing. C&D S2 is coming to its’ finale and AoS will finally have Deke Shaw return in the next week’s episode. Sigh. In the first half of AoS S5 he was quite competent and someone to reckon with, though already AoS had problems in figuring out as to how to handle him on a regular basis – so naturally they brought him to the past in S5 second half though he wasn’t really required anymore – and the issue of how to make him fit into the AoS was made worse. Sometimes they honestly tried into making him into a love interest for Skye/Daisy/Quake, other times they flat-out did not, but all the same, he was becoming a part of the team – and then AoS S6 began. Given what as to what we have learned about his background story and in-world skill set, you would think that he would be right there with Jemma (his maternal grandma) and Daisy (his love interest) along the others in space, helping them get ‘grandpa Leo’ back but we so far we saw neither hide nor hair of him until now, and our first glimpses of him in S6 make him look completely ridiculous. Sure, there probably will be some sort of a cock-and-bull justification regarding this turn of event, but here Marvel shot itself in the foot when it showed that CM red carpet interview with him and Wen, when he honestly admitted that he and Iain (Fitz) hated each other. Just how bad their relationship became that MCU and co. had to reboot his entire story line after making him a regular character too? Guess we will have to wait and see as to what will happen next week.

This is it for now; see you all soon!

S.H.I.E.L.D. 'Planet Kitson' - May 24

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Which is why this week’s AoS episode, ‘Planet Kitson’, tried to do something about it.

More precisely, ‘Planet Kitson’ was largely a comic episode, where almost every scene was done in a humorous manner one way or another. Very clever, and for those people who like American humor – namely the majority of Americans and maybe just as many Canadians too – very funny. For the humorless minority this was more of a filler episode where Elisabeth and Chloe (namely Daisy and Jemma) got to act drunk slash wasted, and Ian and Joel Stoffer (Fitz and Enoch) also showed to be a very good comedic team. Put it thusly, why did they need to bring Jeff Ward’s character into the second half of AoS S5 and beyond? It’s anyone’s guess, and it is little messes like this one that keep AoS from being truly great, but-

But the fact of the matter is that ‘Planet Kitson’ does not have much in plot advancement, save that some Boba-Fett-like character kidnapped Fitz at the end of the episode and prevented it from being this a happy ending. By now even fans of Fitz and Simmons are tired of their beloved characters being constantly apart save for brief periods of togetherness – it’s time for them to get it going on, especially since they will have at least one child, a daughter, the mother of Deke Shaw, so maybe this forced separation is enough? We will have to wait and see, again.

On the more immediate level – since otherwise this would be a blog entry that is too short even by my standards – we can also pay attention to C&D; in the previous C&D entry we talked about AoS, so let’s do an about-face and acknowledge that the good father Delgado isn’t doing so hot in the MCU: his role is constantly downplayed and minimized. A very possible reason as to why Adina Johnson – Ty’s mother – is acting OOC by S1 standards is that she’s doing someone else’s lines – either Mayhem’s or Delgado’s. In the first half of S2, we had some sparkage between those two, but since then Delgado’s character was increasingly pushed to the sidelines, while Mayhem had issues of her own, both within the Marvel Cinematic Universe and without. Yet again C&D handled whatever real life issues it had behind the scenes better than AoS does, so again, it is coming ahead. AC, cancelled or not, is and was still the best MCU show so far; ‘Runaways’ are very different, the Netflix were a mixed bag, and as for the ‘Gifted’ and ‘Legion’, they actually aren’t a part of MCU, but have their own universes.

…Marvel (& Disney) have merged with Fox, so now mutants may be a part of MCU – we will have to wait until the end of June for the ‘Dark Phoenix’ X-men movie to see what is going on there, but for now there don’t appear to be any mutants in AoS, (or C&D, and ‘Runaways’ are something else entirely). Anything else?

Firstly, the scriptwriters for GoT appear to have read the source material – Martin’s ASOIAF novels and reached the readily available conclusion that Westeros should throw out the entire hereditary autocratic monarchy out of the window and try something new. Sadly, since HBO is American, it ended with Westeros being a proto-democracy – supposedly. In reality, immigrants from Great Britain, Europe’s first, and best, constitutional monarchy, heavily influenced the U.S. democracy – and unlike it, Westeros got zilch in this department, so many critics of the GoT finale expect that it will collapse and things will fall apart into several kingdoms slash countries.

Again, it is a tendency that was implied even in the original novels and related materials: only the Iron Throne and whoever-was-sitting-on-it, write-in the name of the king/queen of the month kept the seven kingdoms together; the memory of the Targaryen glory days helped to make the Iron Throne desirable, and now that it is all gone and done and the North is independent, say hello to separatism, civil strife and further warfare. Pause. Yes, ethnic Westerosi probably call it the daily routine, but those of us who live in the real world find this turn of events rather sad instead.

A special mention goes to the separate North of GoT. In ASOIAF series, the North and South had a strong Scotland and England feel, with Dorne having a special mention as quasi-Wales, something that carried to the first five or six seasons of GoT so with North seceding from the Union…I mean Westeros, um. The Scots in real life are upset with the whole Brexit situation and while they are not fully interested in seceding from the U.K. in favor of the EU, that possibility is on the table too. Apparently, HBO is trying to make a comment about real life politics literally, and are also being all-American in regards to a largely European issue. Um. Can’t we try this again?

Mr. Martin seems to have made his peace with GoT and HBO, and besides, GoT is over; there are spinoffs in the work already, but the main, basic plotline, one that depended the most on ASOIAF, is done and finished, so that’s that.

MLP, as we’ve mentioned, is in its’ final season as well, and like GoT, it is beginning to play loosey-goosey with the script; the season’s premiere – Mane 6 vs. Sombra – had the cheesiest, the over-the-top, the blatant dialogue, not to mention that it completely disregarded the MLP comics, Hasbro’s own – so it seems as if Hasbro had settled its’ own affairs by now too. MLP is coming to the end, and though Grogar’s little cabal is coming together, they are still evil and thus will turn on Grogar, (made obvious by ‘Frenemies’ finale) and on each other, unless Grogar does so first, giving them (and the script) an opportunity to join the Mane 6 and allies and begin redeeming themselves for real now. Or not, and they go back to Tartarus, or get exiled from Equestria for real or whatever. You cannot really force redemption; both AoS and ‘Blindspot’ showed that, though only ‘Blindspot’ – intentionally. Anything else?

Well, there’s ‘Aladdin 2019’, and surprisingly, it is not a failure, so yay! However, that is also a topic for another time, and as such, we will talk about it at another date.

For now, though, this is it. See you all soon!

CD, 'Blue Note' - May 23

Real life sucks. Thus speak the political specialists as they discuss the current election in India. And then there is C&D, whose last scene in this week’s episode, ‘Blue Note’, talk about suicide in real life. Since S2 began, C&D episodes often finish with an appeal to their real life audiences with some real life message, something that AoS, as an example, never did.

Why AoS? Not because of S6, which has begun to run earlier this month, but because of S2. Yes, it is about Kara and Bobbi and Grant and the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D – and how C&D responds to it. ‘Blue Note’ is inspired by AoS’ ‘villain flashbacks’: from S1 onwards, AoS tried to show backstory of various villains, one per season. S1 – Grant and Garrett, S2 – Melinda May…something that demonstrated loud and clear that AoS was having major restructures behind the scenes, something that continues even to this day – you noticed how Yo-Yo is no longer with Mack, but with a new agent, Keller? Odds are, this was supposed to be Deke and Daisy, but instead we got no Deke, (Jeff Ward). It is as if he got cut out of the show so far. Ouch! And after all the trouble they went to keep him on the show in S5! Seriously, just let him remain in the future, that is the end, but no. They brought him back to the past, actually did a decent job of integrating him into S.H.I.E.L.D., and now there is neither hide nor hair of him. Ouch!

And on the other hand, there is C&D, who actually keep a tightly knit cast where everyone often goes somewhere and know what they are doing. Sadly, Connors’ plot line is kind of veering around – even if Adina, (Ty’s mother), did kill him, this still is not fully convincing…but we are digressing. The point of tonight’s speech is this: Mayhem points out that people (characters) like Lia, Andre, Connors, are victims but also villains and should be treated accordingly. This is a direct indirect reference to Kara, Ward, maybe even Werner and Ruby from AoS who had no redemption, no nothing. (Framework Ward was no more Ward than Hive had been). To this Tandy replies with hope and mercy, compassion, and so Lia is brought to a hospital instead, where Lia had worked before she met Andre and was mentally enslaved by him. Mercy won, at least for now, and yes, Lia just might die in C&D S2 finale, but this was still better than how AoS has treated Kara in S2, period.

As for Andre himself…yes, he is a genuine villain, even though he is sympathetic on occasion, though he is an atypical one – he succeeds through music. He is a psychic vampire, a pimp, and a very bad person altogether, but you have to admit – he has style, imagination and thinks outside the box. Mayor Willikins from BtVS gives him two thumbs up! (If he still has thumbs, that is). Ty & Dy fail to stop him; Andre has ascended, and became a god slash loa of some sort. Let see them stop him now!

…Yes, they are going to, because otherwise, C&D are done, and that is not going to happen, so go our dynamic duo! In addition, apparently Lia is inspired (let us call it that) by a canon C&D comic villain, some sort of a demoness that tried to manipulate Tandy (the comic version) without much success. That I do not see – it is more likely that C&D is trying to act cute, in the manner of AoS, AC, even the now-cancelled Netflix shows (aside from others), C&D is trying to remake original Marvel characters with mixed success: Andre and Lia are well-rounded characters – but original characters, there’s nothing decisively demonic about them, especially in a literal sense: MCU/Freeform should have just kept them OCs and be done – they would remain as good. However, apparently, this is not how it is done in MCU – and now we got some useless trivia/Easter eggs about Lia – and plenty of very important backstory in this week’s ep. Will it prove to be important in the season’s finale? Namely, will Ty & Dy be able to defeat Andre with Lia’s help in the loa world? We will just have to wait and see.

This is it for now. See you all soon!

The end of GoT? - May 21

Obligatory disclaimer: sometimes life sucks, sometimes it does not, but everything always comes to an end, not just your life, (as the book of Ecclesiastes says), but also all times, good and bad. Most likely, I will not be around to write anything, especially in my blog, next week (i.e. the very last week of May), so let us try to put something extra this week, ok?

Let us start with Ms. Chokshi’s next novel about Aru Shah – ‘the Song of Death’. In it, the titular heroine and her soul sister Yamini meet another one of their number, as well as Aru’s love interest, a boy from her town, one that lives across the street or down the street or something along those lines. And?

When compared to the first novel – ‘the End of Time’ – ‘the Song of Death’ feels more mainline as far as the promoted children’s books by RR go. In ‘End’, Chokshi was all over the metaphorical place, treating RR no different than she did J-Ro of the HP novels; in ‘Song’ there are no references to such novels, but there are some references to Disney movies, especially ‘the Little Mermaid’ and ‘Moana’. It should be noted that RR did something similar in his ‘Magnus Chase’ series, especially the first books. Ergo, it looks as if Ms. Chokshi got her gear in, well, gear, as ‘Song’ is now more similar to the mold of RR, less clumsy, and with far less specifically American-Hindu social stereotypes.

Yes, Ms. Chokshi herself is an American woman of Hindu origins who lives in the American state of Georgia, and yes, her mother is a Filipino, (hence Yamini, Aru’s first friend and closest Pandava sister in her series), but firstly, that culture never got as much spotlight in her Aru series (so far), so clearly, there’s some conflict of interest and culture that is going on in her background and in the background of her Aru novels. Yes, ‘Song’ does not offer any social stereotypes, not directly, as they happened in ‘End’; covertly – yes, about as much as you would expect in RR novels about Percy, Jason and Magnus, meaning that Ms. Chokshi got more help in writing ‘Song’ than she did with ‘End’ previously. So?

So, it is hard to say, but in ‘Song’, one of the main protagonists is ‘Lady M’, sister of Ravana, the greatest Maharajah of the Rakshasas, period, and of Kunkarna, their greatest champion, and ‘Song’ talks about how she wasn’t entirely evil, she was also partially misunderstood and abused. Sure, she was still evil, but-

But in truth, that story of which ‘Song’ talks about started before ‘Lady M’ encountered Rama, Sita and Laxmana in the forest; it began, when Ravana, by acting pious for centuries, tricked the Hindu gods into making him almost invulnerable; only a mortal could kill him. So, a certain Hindu god (no spoilers, you want to know more, Google it), reincarnated as a mortal man, Rama, and eventually killed Ravana; ‘Lady M’, yes, was treated beastly by Rama and his exiled family, but in the end? She was only a piece in a greater game of thrones: who would win, gods or Rakshasas (demons, essentially).

…Yes, this brings us to GoT and the series finale. The Internet is an uproar regarding the eighth and last season; some claim that the characters changed too much, others – that not enough or reverted to their initial selves (think the very opening episodes of the series). My take that the main problem here is that HBO and co. did a hatchet job by combining two versions of the final season into one: the first 3 episodes and the last 3 have two very different feels.

What says the Bible? Nothing is new under the sun? Right on – for me, this is reminiscent of the last ‘Jurassic World’ film, which also tried two combine two movies into one: the first where Claire, Owen and co. go to the dino isle one last time, and the second, where the evil E holds his dinosaur auction and it all goes south, thanks to our plucky heroes. Ditto here, where the Night King and the King’s Landing plots make two different stories that are only loosely connected to each other; and what’s more…

What’s more, not unlike what has gone down in AoS for a while, GoT’s S8 has the feeling of characters – and plot lines – getting reshuffled, especially with Jon and Dany having very strong Jaime and Cersei vibes. Of course, there is a perfectly valid point about how HBO handled GoT S8’s characters and plot just fine, with GoT’s characters remaining true to their nature: i.e., Jaime went back to Cersei because he always went back to Cersei; Arya went away because she was always on the run, and so forth. The problem with that statement is that GM spent the entirety of his novels having Jaime, Arya, Brienne, Sandor, Sansa, Gendry, and etc., etc., breaking free of their mold and becoming something new: character development, put otherwise. In S8, (and to lesser extent in S7), all of this went out the window…just because. The actors, probably, didn’t care, (their counterparts in AoS aren’t that unique, it seems), and neither did the crew, seeing how they rushed through S8 – forgotten Starbucks™ coffee cups and plastic water bottles? Really? That is just inattentive – and rushed. Guess they are now all-focused on the following GoT spinoff or something, yay. What next?

Well, GM is keeping his opinions to himself, mostly – he may not be the biggest fan of GoT fan works, but HBO has never been a ‘fan work’, but rather paid him some very handsome sums of his own, so he isn’t going to be widdling in a good thing, that’s number one.

And number two is last week’s episode of MLP: FIM, aka ‘Frenemies’, where the titular characters are beginning to resemble the Lannister siblings vaguely. Tirek is Jaime at his worst – not quite a musclehead or a jock, but close. Chrysalis is Cersei, a crazy queen who has lost of all of her subjects, with CG being an eviller, and crazier, version of Tyrion while Grogar is Tywin with…minimal personality changes and slightly different goals, true. Sombra’s Joffrey, though it should be pointed out that that shadow pony had had some reboots of his own – in the comics, he even got redeemed, so Hasbro here is trying to be Marvel, I suppose…

But as for the ‘Frenemies’ themselves – Sombra is gone now for good, looks like – they are slowly moving towards a crossroads, where they will have to accept friendship for real and stop being villains, (kind of like Discord, who’s more of an anti-hero these days than a villain these days), or not, in which case their friendship, (or the ersatz that they developed in its’ stead), is done and gone.

Yes, their relationship with Grogar complicates things somewhat: the ‘Frenemies’ episode openly showed that they will betray him, or vice versa, (since he is the biggest bad of this MLP season), but that does not change anything, generally speaking: either ‘Frenemies’ will stop being evil, or they stop being friends, and back to Tartarus they go, because otherwise? Tirek wants to drain all the magic, CG – all the friendship, and Chrysalis – all the love. On their own, every one of them had been a hoof-full for the Mane 6 and associates; together, the three of them would destroy Equestria, which is both resilient and fragile at the same time, period.

Back to GoT – if the ‘Frenemies’ are Lannisters, then the Mane 6 are Starks: Robb and Jon, (who is not a Targaryen, period), Bran and Rickon, Sansa and Arya, with Spike being Theon, and the sister princesses – the Stark parents. (Yes, Ned as a sparkly pony princess is ridiculous, but regardless). Everyone else – you make the equations; what we should keep in mind is that GoT may be gone from live TV (you can always stream, or download it, or something), but it can return in the most bizarre places, and hey, MLP – is just Starks vs. Lannisters these days, (which is GoT at the most basic, really).

Well, this is it for now: see you all soon!