WW84 - Dec 22

 Obligatory disclaimer: I still am not dead. To elaborate further: the ‘WW84’ film is good.

Let us start from the beginning: what is this film about? It is about the further adventures of the titular heroine, this time – in the middle 1980s. So far so good, though did Ms. Patty Jenkins had to tack on the Donald as well?.. however, we digress.

Let us try again. The main difference between this year’s film and the 2017’s one is that the first WW movie was a part of the ‘greater DCEU’, let us call it that, it tied on directly into the effects of the JL movie, and on the flip side it was strongly reminiscent of Marvel’s first ‘Captain America’ film, though with a less pulp fiction film. I don’t know as to who thought that pulp fiction Nazis on screen was a good idea; they and their association with Hydra backfired on MCU in a big, unpredictable way, but that isn’t the point right now – the point is in that WW84, there are no WWI or WWII associations, there are some signs of an escalating, cough, Cold War, but none of the main characters of this film are associated too deeply with that RL aspect. Now what?

First, a shout-out to Pedro Pascal for his depiction of Maxwell Lord; the man has nothing in common with ‘the Mandalorian’, even though one and the same person is playing them both. Pedro Pasqual is clearly a man of many skills, whereas Ming-Na Wen, who has also reappeared in ‘the Mandalorian’ S2 finale as Boba Fett’s new sidekick, is more of a hot sauce – as the ad says, Grandma Disney puts Wen into everything. MCU? – AoS; Disney? – ‘Mulan-2020’ (and ‘Mulan-1990s, cough); SW – now ‘the Mandalorian’; yet so far Wen either plays a tough, powerful woman warrior, or she is just a cameo, a spectre of her normally powerful image.

…Yet even such a spectre is more powerful than Chloe Bennett is; the younger woman seems to be a one-hit wonder, now that AoS’ and its’ Quake are gone, and Quake/Daisy Johnson herself seems to be largely not in demand by Disney/Marvel now that AoS is finished; but how did Chloe wax poetic after the series’ finale!.. Where were we?

…Well, the Whedon family heavily invested & involved with AoS, and had published their own article once AoS was finished, but nothing was mentioned of the Mr. Whedon-father, who is under a MeToo cloud currently – and now Ms. Gadot, aka Diana Prince of the latest WW-movies, mentions Mr. Whedon-father in a less than flattering light. Fair enough and – girl power! Go, Diana! Go, Wonder Woman! Or not.

Oh no, the girl power in Diana is there, and if you need a sexist pig to base your villain upon, then the RL Donald is your man. The trick here is how Ms. Jenkins had handled her Maxwell Lord; ‘her’, because there are at least two other versions of Maxwell Lord who were played by RL actors rather than being cartoon animations, and one of them appeared back in ‘Supergirl-2015’ – a rather different person from the Maxwell Lord of WW84, so why hadn’t Ms. Jenkins used this actor?

Because she needed a Donald look-a-like, with one major twist – her Maxwell Lord actually redeemed himself at the end, because of his son, but regardless. In RL, of course, Barron Trump was off the metaphorical menu, though this was probably due to the actions of Melania, who was usually ‘ignored’ by the anti-Trump media because of reasons, but nevertheless, this version of Maxwell Lord proved to be a different version from the Donald, making their resemblance to each other imperfect, and Lord’s misogyny, (relatively speaking, but still) – ditto.

…And on the other hand we have the Cheetah, who was not redeemed, however likable she used to be in most of the movie. If Maxwell was a misogynist of WW84, then Dr. Minerva/Cheetah was an equally toxic TERF, (not unlike J.K. Rowling in real life), a stereotype that is much less popular in the mainstream culture, political and otherwise, than someone as the Donald is. By depicting the Cheetah this way, may be one of the reasons as to why WW84 reviews were mixed, as some of the reviewers do not like this portrayal of hers, and the others – of the Donald… I mean, Maxwell Lord. Fair enough.

That said, for most of the movie, Barbara-Ann Minerva isn’t the Cheetah, but more of a dark mirror to Wonder Woman, a selfish version of Diana rather than an outright evil one. Of course, by wishing for Steve, Diana herself proved to be selfish…at least by the movie’s standards…or maybe the crystal’s…since it was created by a ‘god of mischief and lies’…cough. Gee, I wonder who can that be; you know that Marvel hadn’t created him, but rather taken the actual RL Norse mythology and adapted it to its’ own purpose…but because their association with Loki is that tight these days, that DC decided to hide behind anonymity, because of course that works!..

Back to the Cheetah proper, as it was said before, for most of the movie, she is not an evil person, more of a selfish one, an anti-Wonder Woman…sort of. Then she decided to change her wish – just as Diana gave up her own wish, that of Steve being with her, (and in exchange, she was growing weaker, more ordinary – the movie could’ve had fun, by having Minerva turn into Wonder Woman, just as Diana was turning into an ordinary woman, and someone who resembled the original Minerva, maybe?.. but that would be fetish fuel or something, so no.

Instead we got Minerva turning from a dark Wonder Woman into an extra from CATS-2019, (and that was a toxic trash fire even before COVID-19 struck), because, supposedly, Minerva wanted to be an ‘apex predator’, or an ‘alpha predator’, or whatever.

…The problem here is that a cheetah is a predator, but is much closer to the bottom of the metaphorical pyramid; there are videos on YouTube that show RL cheetahs being chased away from their kills by…flocks of vultures. We’re talking RL vultures here, professional scavengers, not hunters themselves, not at all – and when professional scavengers can get the best of you, because you’re tired and exhausted to the bone, and they aren’t, and there’s many of them, and only one of you – then you know that you’re neither alpha nor apex anything. In RL, cheetahs are pwned by practically every other carnivore of the African savannahs where they live, and they know it. They are speeding specialists and as such, they are really fragile and physically weak, (though I still would not advise any human to tangle with them for all sort of reasons), so the Barbara Ann Minerva version of the Cheetah is more like the Leopard or the Jaguar instead.

…There is also the Priscilla Rich version of the Cheetah; unlike Barbara-Ann, this one is no metahuman, but more like an evil version of the Catwoman instead, what with a suit…and a load of cash, ‘cause her family name is Rich, got it? Still, she has not appeared in DCEU so far, so no more shall be said about that. Anything else?

Well, Steve-O and his amazing body snatching/look-around switcheroo story line feels rather influenced by the 90s’ X: WP/H: TLJ TV series’, cough, ancient Greece, cough. In them, some of the villains – especially a blonde named Callisto – had escaped from the Underworld on one point and took over Xena’s body, so Xena had to take over Callisto’s…or something. In RL, Lucy Lawless, who played Xena, had a broken leg or some similar injury, so Hudson Leick, (who normally played Calypso) had to step in and take over…so an elaborate body swap had to be involved, somehow.

…Yes, Lucy Lawless had appeared in MCU’s AoS, but that role – an S.H.I.E.L.D. agent named Isabelle Heartly – was not one of LL’s best, not even in the top ten. A chakram-wielding character did reappear in S5 – one that had been played by Dove Cameron instead – but that character, Ruby Hale, had been underwhelming as well…but we have talked about this before. What about WW84 instead?

This movie works. It has its’ flaws, of course, but it works. It fun and entertaining, and while it tried to be woke, it also tried to be fair – something that’ll backfire on it; already has begun to, as the reviews have started to tickle in. Ah well, Gal Gadot is still herself, and Patty Jenkins will be directing the new SW movie, whatever it will be – but that is another story.

For now, though, this is it. See you all soon! Happy upcoming Christmas!

FH: Gryphon - Dec 1

 Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Second, non-obligatory disclaimer: I am not dead yet. I just did not feel like writing much, not with real life being so, well, sucking. And real. And everything else in-between.

…Yes, things are not being so bad as I make them sound – I found the full episodes of AFO on YouTube, and they’re in English rather than in Spanish, (as I had them earlier), so this is important, so yay! Real life does deliver us some gems in all of the dung, after all.

…AFO is a mere one-season TV series, done by AP, which has moved on and beyond it? Fair enough, but I have been looking for it for years, and so it is a pleasant breakthrough in the entire morass of misery and bad weather and what else have you. COVID-19 maybe. Real life sucks, and lately I am grateful for anything that I can come across, and this includes the latest FH update. Pause.

Now, FH has been going through various updates lately, but ever since the Warmonger and their flamberge sword, they had no new characters. The flamberge, if anyone has forgotten, is a ‘flame-bladed sword’, aka… any sword whose blade is not straight, but wavy, to inflict greater damager. The sword types vary from the rapier, (self-explanatory), to the Zweihander, a two-handed sword, (a sword that you need both hands to wield, that is). Frankly, the two blades represent two ends of a wide spectrum of sword blades, yet both can have wavy- or flame-shaped blades. FH was scraping the bottom of the barrel here, not to mention that the term ‘warmonger’ is extremely generic in and of itself, (I do not have to explain it, do I?), but then they turned around – or did they? Let us talk about the gryphon.

…The ‘gryphon’, of course, is primarily just an alternate writing of ‘the griffin’, which is an eagle-lion hybrid that had its’ start in the Ancient Greece and Rome, but somehow survived through the Medieval times and beyond. Secondarily, of course, it is used as a name for various businesses, organizations, movies, art pieces, and even a mud volcano in geology, a parachute system in the military, (and also an American military rocket), and an asteroid, (6136 Gryphon, FYI). What do they have in common outside of their names? Absolutely nothing!..

…That is because the gryphon – or the griffin – itself is not so much generic, as it got a very specific appearance, as it is lackluster, unlike the dragon: the dragon has plenty of mythos to go on by, while the gryphon – doesn’t. In the ancient times, it pulled chariots of gods, (sometimes, when gods needed chariots that needed pulling and regular winged horses weren’t available, I guess), and it also guarded gold out in the East from the one-eyed Arimaspians, or Arimaspoi, a fictional race.

The Arimaspians themselves are gone, (since they were just smaller versions of Cyclopes, really), but the gryphons have survived in various fantasy RPGs, novels and comics, eking out some sort of a living as steeds for various characters…though the hippogriffs do a better job of it, apparently, and now, we got this. The Gryphon character in the FH.

Sadly, the man in question, (in the promo video this character was male, so I will be referring to the Gryphon as such), doesn’t look very eagle-like or lion-like – rather, he is just a man, armed with a bardiche.

Now, a bardiche – there are several ways of spelling it, but we will be calling it just a bardiche – is a poleaxe. If it sounds familiar, that is because the Lawbringer of the Knight version is already using a poleaxe in FH. Unlike this basic version, however, a bardiche is more elongated vertically with a crescent moon shape, and it has no spikes on top or in the back, unlike the halberd.

…The halberd brings us back to DW proper, because this show put the halberd against the bardiche in the ‘Ivan the Terrible vs. Hernan Cortez’ episode back in S3. We’ve discussed this episode when it first came out, and, admittedly, I don’t want to discuss it again – it had its’ flaws, it had its’ prejudices, but it was never truly bad or anything like that; but then again, DW had never been intentionally bad or stupid or prejudiced; now unintentionally is another story, but DW is gone, and we won’t be talking about it anytime soon, not for a good reason. That said, it had been a good show, just as good as AFO had been, for AFO, unlike of the later AP series, aimed to both entertain and educate, and its’ CGI wasn’t so bad for the early 2000s period…. Where were we?

Ah yes, the bardiche. It is a battle-axe, a poleaxe, or what else have you. It does not have two blades as the hitokiri’s weapon does, for example, though the FH version also has a stabbing tip. Neat. Anything else?

Sadly, no. I just wanted to remind everyone that I am still alive and kicking, at least for now. See you all soon instead!

Reminiscing about 1E Pathfinder - Oct 6

 Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, but the reason as to why I kept a silence on my blog post-‘Mulan-2020’ is…because of it, really. Our TV/cable box, (sponsored by Rogers™!), has died, we tried to replace it, and may now replace our TV instead, because it is that old. It is a huge heavy thing, and I do not envy the task of getting it out of our home, because I will be the one doing it, most likely. …Getting rid of the TV, that is. Did I mention that real life sucks, already? Anything else?

We have been trying our luck with Pathfinder™, and by Pathfinder™, I mean that we are making our own 1E campaign, to use their terminology. In it, our PCs were commissioned to go down to the Mwangi jungles to capture an okapi, (it is a real life animal – look it up on the Wiki), for their patron. Not the most intense motivation, but hey, when you are playing for yourselves and for your own enjoyment, you can live with it.

…You do need some villains to spice up the game, and so, enter ‘Nature’s Scourge’ from the 1E ‘Villain Codex’ – a collection of various villains, all of whom have some connection to nature. Pause.

On the topic of the 1E Pathfinder™, the NPC Codex was just a list of stats of the 10 primary classes from 1 to 20, plus the matching 10 prestige classes, plus the NPC classes, all delivered in the same layout. (Plus the appendix, but we are deliberately ignoring it). The Monster Codex contained info on 20 different monsters/monster races, plus some paraphernalia – class archetypes, feats, spells, etc., all of which are appropriate to ‘their’ monster – gnolls, serpentfolk, lizardfolk and so on – in order to make them more derived and challenging. And the Villain Codex?

…And the Villain Codex tried to do something similar, but since most of the characters presented there, are humans, or at least humanoids, who do not have too much in common with each other, this makes the paraphernalia part more tricky… Pause.

NPC Codex was simple – here is a list of rogues, rangers, monks, etc. from the lowest to the highest, Villain Codex was more complex as each organization – whether it’s the aforementioned ‘Nature Scourge’ or, say, the ‘Brutal Slavers’ – is quite heterogeneous, plus they’re… generic.

The speciality of prestige classes is that they give something unique to the characters, something that the base classes by themselves just can’t, plus by choosing to eventually invest in a prestige classes, the players behind to mould their characters appropriately, by choosing the proper feat(s), which may have their own prerequisites, by designating a certain amount of skill ranks to a specific skill, and so on, which results in a more unique character than an average character would be.

…Unfortunately, team Pathfinder™ had its’ own issues with the prestige classes to begin with. Oh sure, they were there; there was, in fact, an entire supplementary rule book titled ‘Paths of Prestige’, dedicated precisely to this topic, but somehow, you could tell that their heart wasn’t in it.

This brings us to archetypes. In the D20 Modern system, there were ‘talent trees’ or something similar – i.e., you could choose what special abilities and qualities your character would have, not to mention that instead of rangers, rogues and bards, the characters of the D20 Modern system were differentiated from each other by their strength, speed, toughness, and so on. As I’ve written way back, the (1E) Pathfinder™ was more influenced by the D20 Modern than by D&D, (despite their own similarities), so not surprisingly that they had something similar – the archetypes, which were, fundamentally, the various special abilities and qualities of rangers, rogues, bards and etc., that replaced some of the others – they were called substitution levels in the 3.5 D&D. So what?

Therefore, the team Pathfinder™ had some issues with the prestige classes – they practically never used them in their adventure paths and co. Even in their later days, when they pushed more and more info about their exalted, evangelist and sentinel prestige classes, they’ve never actually used them in the canon, and any RPG material that isn’t used in a RPG canon is practically stillborn, (pardon the not quite appropriate imagery). Prestige classes were never very widely used in the 1E Pathfinder™, (though there was quite a lot of them, to be fair), and the various archetypes, (i.e., a ‘regular’ rogue is different from a rogue with a ‘poisoner’ archetype, for example), just were not the same.

…Yes, the 3.5 ed. D&D also had archetypes, especially in the ‘Complete Champion’ sourcebook, but we are not talking about this angle right now. What we are talking about is how the source in the Villain Codex was a tangled mess at worst and a heterogeneous one at best, and ‘Nature’s Scourge’ is one of the better one – an evil organization dedicated to reclamation of civilization by nature via occult rituals and what else have you; but what the point?

The point is that Pathfinder-1E never knew where it was going as a franchise. For a while it prospered, but now it seems to have collapsed, as Pathfinder-2E appears to be a lot less grand with a lot less material to offer its’ fans – mostly the various monster conversions, and that just isn’t the same. Still, we are enjoying playing our own campaign, (we still have not come up to our elusive jungle giraffe, eh), and it helps us get away from the concept that real life sucks, and this is also the reason as to why I’ve stayed away from my blog for the time being.

PS: Here is a poacher from the NPC codex with a bestial simple template (Lost Treasures 17) for old times’ sake:

 

POACHER CR 2

XP 600

Bestial human ranger 3

CE Medium humanoid (human)

Init +1; Senses Perception +7

DEFENSE

AC 15, touch 11, flat-footed 13 (+3 armor, +1 Dex, +1 natural)

hp 30 (3d10+9)

Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +2

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee 2 mwk handaxes +6 (1d6+3/×3) or

2 claw attacks (1d4+3) and 1 bite attack (1d3+1)

Ranged mwk heavy crossbow +5 (1d10/19–20)

Special Attacks favored enemy (animals +2)

STATISTICS

Str 17, Dex 12, Con 16, Int 8, Wis 13, Cha 6

Base Atk +3; CMB +6; CMD 17

Feats Double Slice, Endurance, Quick Draw, Two-Weapon Fighting, Weapon Focus (handaxe)

Skills Climb +9, Intimidate +2, Knowledge (geography) +3, Knowledge (local) +0, Knowledge (nature) +4, Perception +7, Stealth +7, Survival +5

Languages Common

SQ favored terrain (forest +2), track +1, wild empathy +2

Combat Gear potion of bull's strength, potions of cure light wounds (2), potion of hide from animals; Other Gear masterwork studded leather, masterwork handaxes (2), masterwork heavy crossbow with 20 bolts, 63 gp.

What do you think? Comments, criticisms are welcome.

Mulan-2020 - Sep 6

 

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, Chadwick Boseman is dead, and no one could save him. Ouch! Let us go and talk about Disney instead.

…Well, yes, there’s also DC with its’ Superman: Man of Tomorrow, which has finally become available to all of the public yesterday, but I must admit – after watching the movie version of Batman meeting the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I’m rather sore at DC, so we won’t be talking about Man of Tomorrow for the moment. The comic book aspect of the Batman/TMNT franchise is not too bad, but the movie was only loosely connected to it, instead, going for a reboot-reset of the entire story, weakening it in the process, (and being otherwise inferior to it too). What about 2020’s ‘Mulan’, then? Isn’t it also a reboot slash reset?

Yes it is, and it is done in the ‘Frozen 2’ style – let me elaborate. At the end of the first ‘Frozen’ movie, Else and her friends seemed to be oriented down south, where Hans and the rest of his family were located. In ‘Frozen 2’, however, no mention of them was left, and team Elsa instead went north, to right an old family wrong, as well as fix an ecological problem – Greta Thunberg must be so proud!.. By comparison, the ‘first’ Mulan movie was a part of what is now called ‘The Disney Renaissance’ – i.e. a series of animated musical movies, which can be considered ‘woke’, but not overly so, especially by today’s standards. There was humor, singing, music and drama and a formulaic cast, which included a hero, a villain, a love interest, and a comic relief… generally speaking. And in the reset?

The reset ‘Mulan’ has no singing nor comic relief, but plenty of action sequences and CGI. People are calling it a ‘Wuxia’ movie already; originally, ‘wuxia’ means Chinese martial arts, and a ‘Wuxia movie’ means a film that is centered around Chinese martial arts. The Chinese themselves can do a good Wuxia film, often set in a historical, or a historical fantasy setting. I have saw one or two over the years, and can safely say that while they are fun to watch on occasion… that is the end of their reach, as far as I am concerned; a film that is driven mainly by conflict between two martial artists is not my favorite sort of film – the Western take on a movie which often has emotion and drama and less ass-kicking and foot-stomping is more to my taste, and to each their own.

…Only, ‘Mulan-2020’ is doing exactly that – it is oriented on action scenes and martial arts and it has made them its’ defining feature. Cultural appropriation, anyone? Only, yes, this movie, (and the rest of Disney) already has a rocky relationship with China and co., as Ms. Liu Yifei had positioned herself in support of China and its’ police, and not in favor of the dissidents. This statement caused a splash, and Disney implemented a semi-successful hush over the entire affair, only not successful enough, as the petition to boycott ‘Mulan’ has returned by now, but do not worry! Enough of mainstream China will like ‘Mulan-2020’ to make up for any losses caused by the petition and its’ allies! Is not Disney progressive and democratic, eh?..

Leaving real-life politics aside…honestly, ‘Mulan-1998’ had its’ own problems, and the 2020 remake did not address them too well. The titular heroine was transferred well enough, which is what she deserves, but look at the main villain, for example.

…Actually, the male villains of any ‘Mulan’ is not a very good idea. Let us start with Shan-Yu, who, apparently, instigated the entire invasion of China because the Great Wall of China had emasculated him, (metaphorically), or something to that effect, and so he invaded to prove to the Emperor of China that he is the man! It is a 90s sitcom meeting Ancient China, I tell you! 2020’s Boru-Khan, who is invading to avenge his father’s ignoble defeat, is a step-up, in fact!

…As for the appearances…pause. Disney’s 90’s movies often had memorable villains, such as Scar in ‘The Lion King’, or Hades in ‘Hercules’. Shan-Yu, however, stands apart…why?

Firstly, for the stupidest reason ever for villainy, as we have talked already. Second, he actually has no villain song – and is hardly ever referred to by name/title in the movie, i.e. Shan-Yu, and neither are his villains. Sure, Disney did have names for those characters, but even their page on the Disney Wiki calls them just ‘Huns’ instead, which is fairly reasonable, as the ‘Huns’ were, or are, a collective name for various steppe nomad people that had harassed cultures all over Eurasia, from ancient China to the Roman empire, with various success. That isn’t a problem, so why is Boru-Khan, who is a more derived villain and person than the Shan-Yu is, as well as his minions, are dressed more akin to Islamic stereotypes, while wielding various weapons right out of the various RPGs?

…The truth is that China was invaded in real life, and it was conquered by a nomad army in real life, an army that was led by Asia’s answer to Europe’s Julius Caesar – Genghis Khan, who forged a loose, if actually existent, amalgamation of various tribes into an army great and powerful enough to dominate everyone around them.

No, seriously, before Genghis Khan, Mongolia and the rest of Central Asia was inhabited by various tribes and tribal unions that had little in common, (aside from the lifestyle), and who didn’t get along. Banditry and outlaws were commonplace, (and Genghis Khan himself was an outlaw in his youth, among other things) – and then Genghis Khan survived his childhood, rose to power, and forged that loose amalgam of tribes, gangs, and what else have you into an army that conquered the northern Chinese empire… leaving the southern Chinese empire for Genghis Khan’s heirs.

Sadly, the latter made a hash out of Genghis Khan’s professional war machine, by turning into a bunch of typical Asian dynasties, which vanished by the mid-fourteenth century. Only the westernmost part survived till the mid-fifteenth century, and afterwards its’ people became the ancestors of the modern Crimean Tatars, a little known and much abused culture, which was exiled en masse to Siberia or worse on Stalin’s decision – but we digress. After all, our point is that both in 1998 and in 2020 Disney did its’ best to avoid any actual historic elements in its’ ‘Mulan’ fairy tale, to avoid offending anyone – and they called it political correctness!

Put otherwise, for Disney – at least, and maybe others – political correctness translates into stylish inoffensiveness that doesn’t get into the way of making money, and if it does, then Disney has a problem, as it did with the SW sequel trilogy as well as such films as ‘Solo’, and it does do its’ best to fix it – by lying low for a while and then returning. Not the best strategy, but, apparently, the only one that Disney has, or wants to have.

…With ‘Mulan’, however, the plot went differently, thanks to COVID-19, of course. The movie theaters are all closed, or were all closed, (now some are open, apparently), and Disney had to release its’ film on Disney+, at least in the U.S., (elsewhere, say – Asia, the situation is different), but, again, it all comes down to the money: anyone who wants to see the new ‘Mulan’ movie has to pay about thirty American dollars, and that’s it. You got your brand-new Disney movie. What is left?

The film itself. It is more derived than the 2019 version of ‘The Lion King’, it got more new and original content, and it aims to entertain the audience, nothing more, nothing less. Then again, the ‘Artemis Fowl’ movie, released during the summer of 2020 also by Disney, was supposed to entertain as well, and it had failed miserably for all sorts of reasons; the result is a movie so bad that not even equal rights activists want to have anything with it. I.e., in ‘Artemis Fowl’ 2020, you got POCs, (the Butlers), directly employed and bossed by WASPs, (the Fowls). You would think that this would cause a reaction…and it did: the ‘Artemis Fowl’ film was so toxic, so flawed, that everyone agreed that it should sink into obscurity ASAP, and so it did, and no one is talking about it anymore.

‘Mulan-2020’, on the other hand, is quite successful, is already very popular and attractive – and it does its’ best to strike all the right notes…if by the ‘right notes’ you mean something out of the late 1990s instead. The rebooted ‘Mulan’ isn’t even trying to be ‘woke’ or ‘politically correct’ very hard; instead, it is going for the authentic ancient Chinese look…even though, you should remember, that in real life, ancient China did get conquered by the barbarians, which looked very different from both 1998’s bestial-looking Huns, (who weren’t even named back in the movie, I think), and from 2020’s rather Islamic-looking forces of Boru-Khan. There are even depictions of the so-called Turco-Mongol forces, and people who are genetically linked to the good old Genghis and his cohorts – certainly, when DW had its’ ‘Mongol vs. Comanche’ in S2 and ‘Hannibal vs. Genghis Khan’ in S3 episodes, it had no problem in acquiring the representatives of the appropriate races for the main face-off, but we digress.

The point, instead, is that the 1998’s ‘Mulan’ was a light-hearted and family-friendly animated musical that talked about some fairly progressive and forward issues by the late 1990s standards. 2020’s ‘Mulan’ is a slightly tweaked reset of the film – a reset that was tweaked in all the unimportant ways; yes, there’s now a wicked witch for Mulan to defeat as well as Boru-Khan, but, somehow, this fact fails to make a crucially important derivative and to put ‘Mulan-2020’ over its’ 1998’s predecessor. In terms of ‘political correctness’, ‘progress’, ‘wokeness’, or however you want to name it, ‘Mulan-2020’ isn’t any superior than its’ predecessor was, so if you want to just go and witness the new variant of the original 1998’s movie – go for it!

…This is it for now – see you all soon!

The New Mutants - August 28

 …After AoS has ended, I admit that I thought that we have seen the last of MCU for a while, and been quietly focusing on the newest DC animated movie, ‘Superman: Man of Tomorrow’ for the last recent while. …And then life threw us a curveball in the form of ‘The New Mutants’ movie and what can I tell you? Real life sucks for a reason, but ‘The New Mutants’ did its’ best to top that.

Where to begin? ‘The New Mutants’ movie is depressing, in a lukewarm sort of way. ‘Dark Phoenix 2019’ had thin, thin plot, (which was a re-adaptation of a comic-book plot adaptation, so this makes DP19 twice as sad), a lot of plotholes, and clear enough signs of restructuring, possibly caused by budget issues, as well as the FOX’s own real-life issues with MCU, (cough, ‘Captain Marvel’ cough), so it should’ve been a low enough bar to clear. ‘The New Mutants’ didn’t do that, though it probably tried.

Where did its’ troubles begin? ‘The New Mutants’ is a ‘young adult’ (YA) genre, which is mostly a literary genre, and it already does not work there. The entire YA concept is an artificial construct, one that is ignored by both children and adults, because what is a young adult? There are toddlers and pre-toddlers, children, (pre-teens), teens, and adults – so what is a young adult? Something, or someone, who is not an old adult? Is this term even appropriate and politically correct in the modern Western society to begin with? How is it being defined, and treated, in real life, as opposed to social media and co.? The answer is silence.

…There is a theory, however, that Rick Riordan’s ‘Percy Jackson’ novels are YA novels, and the movies about PJ’s adventures are YA movies. In that case, ‘The New Mutants’ were already in trouble, as the two PJ films were some of the worst movies ever, YA or not: the YA adult genre isn’t transferring from the novel to the screen very well, whether it’s the PJ films, or the one about the dystopian future with predatorous city-trains and all. ‘Hunger Games’ with Katniss Everdeen, was not a bad film, but it was just one adapted novel out of several – not a good dynamic.

‘The New Mutants’ fit into this tendency quite well, (which is bad news, remember?). The cast, biologically speaking, are teenagers/young adults, but in the terms of movie mechanics it means that they are children who are acting out adult roles; Magik’s get-up/clothing is especially prominent at this angle. Yes, she’s bad, (as opposed to evil), but if she isn’t a grown-up, then her style isn’t entirely legal, and if she is biologically and sexually mature, then the entire ‘New Mutants as teenagers’ plot concept is gone and done instead.

…Yes, the X-Men franchise, as the rest of Marvel/DC/etc. comics is aimed at younger people rather than the grown-ups, (though how this manifests in real life is something else), but it does not mean that its’ characters are teens. Rather, they are depicted how ever the plot demands – young, old, neither, both, anything else – without a set age. Period.

…Yes, ‘The New Mutants’ were probably intended to be a reboot of the X-Men franchise in general, but the various real life factors, including the takeover of FOX by Disney/Marvel largely ended all of those hopes, at least in the short term. Sadly, this knocked the main real life motivation from beneath the movie’s feet, leaving it meaningless and pointless… even if it was not already.

As for the actual execution of ‘The New Mutants’ movie… it is lackluster. The magnificent five of the film have very little action going on for most of the film, and the plot is a standard, paint by the numbers one. We got the heroes, the monster that they need to defeat, and a secondary villain that also needs to go down – the end. (Incidentally, in the canon, Dr. Reyes was working for Professor X rather than Mr. Sinister/Nathaniel Essex…usually). Moreover, this is exactly what happens, leaving the audiences with little excitement, speculation and wonder as to what is going on, and in what direction is it heading? …Even if you don’t know much about the original ‘new mutants’ plot line, you can probably figure it all out within the first half-hour or so of the film.

The characters themselves are new, only not – quite a few of them had appeared, (albeit in different incarnations), in the original X-Men films, (Earth-10005, if anyone cares). This here is Earth-TRN812 instead, but who cares? The movie is just that forgettable, as the characters and the cast do not care about anything, but just trudge on, waiting for the movie and their participation in it, to end. There is no hope in it, no involvement – at least in the AoS finale there was some hope, in shape of an Easter Egg called ‘S.W.O.R.D.’ – maybe Daisy, (Chloe), and her immediate team will move from S.H.I.E.L.D. to S.W.O.R.D. as Marvel’s next phase comes up – ‘The New Mutants’ doesn’t have this feeling, this franchise is over, at least for now. The movie is just vapid and pretty much familiar, just as ‘Doolittle-2020’ had been, and that is all there is for it.

…Of course, it can argued that the team DC is not doing that much better with the latest Superman film, and that is not a bad statement to make – but that is another discussion.

For now though, this is it. See you all soon!

Valley Girl 2020 - August 18

 Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, so I decided to watch this year’s, (2020), remake of 1983’s ‘Valley Girl’. Why? Because Chloe Bennett, who has made such an impressive interview by the series finale of AoS, (last week, Aug 13-14 2020), starred in it in a secondary role, and-?

Let us start from the beginning. ‘Valley Girl 2020’ went straight to DVD/streaming services in May 2020, and it went down practically unnoticed. Why?

For several reasons that amount to it being like the love child of ‘Like a Boss’ and ‘Doolittle-2020’, (both discussed previously), gone down as expected: it’s vapid. Why?

For two main reasons, I would say. One is that ‘Valley Girl-2020’ was pointedly vapid; yes, it had people of color playing important, (albeit secondary), roles in the film, but so what? As ‘Like a Boss’ showed, these days, (the year 2020 onwards), the presence of people of color is no longer enough for a movie, (or a TV series), to be considered ‘woke’, or ‘progressive’ unlike the past. It makes a movie politically correct, yes, but these days political correctness itself is not ‘woke’ or ‘progressive’ – rather, it is stylish and fashionable, and nothing more. The ole dream factory, including their flagman ship, ‘Disney’, is interested only in money, not in controversy, especially these days, what after the SW sequel trilogy failure, and the Sony confrontation, (won by Sony), and the ‘Artemis Fowl-2020’ flop…

That said, ‘Valley Girl-2020’ was remade more along the lines of ‘Frozen-2’, with as little controversy as possible, (cough, Elsa’s sexual orientation, cough). Back then, someone on the crew of ‘Frozen-2’ proclaimed that ‘Elsa will tell us herself just what her orientation is like’, which is the most brazen piece of deflection ever, and now… And now we got ‘Valley Girl-2020’ which is all about avoidance and deflection and having nothing, nothing controversial, such as the (step)mother-daughter rivalry, present in the original version, but now and here? Unthinkable!

…Put otherwise, today’s USA’s official public morality is much more reminiscent of the 19^th/early 20^th century standards, than those of the actual early 1980s, by comparison, complete with hypocrisy and what else have you. AoS had it – the show actually avoided interracial colors, Phil and Mel never really got together on screen for too long, and as for the other couples? Mack and Yo-Yo are both POCs, the FitzSimmons are both WASPs, and so are Daniel and Daisy for all technical purposes. Everyone else is either single, or married to someone off screen – yes, I’m talking about S.H.I.E.L.D.’s agent Davis, who got replaced an LMD just because the actor’s contract demanded that he appears on a set amount of episodes of AoS, and anything else will result in a real life financial fallout, (among other things, I bet). Within MCU, however, I wonder as to how did Ms. Agent Davis react to her late husband being replaced by a robot? Did she get some hush money, or was she just cut out and told to bugger off, because her husband is actually dead and S.H.I.E.L.D. does not owe her anything anymore? Seriously, how is that for a fanfic idea?

This brings us to the Whedon-son’s reference to fanfiction and his acknowledgement of the AoS’ fandom, fanfiction, fan-art, etc. This acknowledgement is quite flattering, but pointless – the official AoS series are finished, there’s no indication that Marvel will continue to bring AoS characters forwards on Disney+, in the movies, and etc., so the fans can do whatever they want – they, (we), will be just playing with ghosts…

Onwards, (and back), to ‘Valley Girl-2020’? Chloe Bennett did not shine in this movie; her character actually dated the movie’s main antagonist, a jock named Mickey, who was acted by… Logan Paul, who fancied himself YouTube’s version of the Donald, and who had sunk into obscurity much faster than the original has. What matters to us, however, is that Chloe Bennett had acted alongside Logan Paul and there was no problems, no issues, no nothing coming from her. Pause.

Yes, who Chloe Bennett is in real life does not affect her character – well, ex-character Daisy Johnson at all. What is important here is to be aware as to just what kind of person Chloe is, when you are reading her interview, which is about as gushing as those of the Whedon-son and his wife and family. AoS, up to date, had been her one and only main break – yes, she voiced Daisy Johnson on the ‘Marvel Rising’ videos, (does anyone remember them at all?), also, Yi, on Disney’s ‘Abominable’ movie, (again, not exactly up to ‘Frozen’ standards), and now – a secondary character in a slick, forgettable movie.

…Why is ‘Valley Girl-2020’ forgettable? Second, because it is smooth, it got no angles to stick out and to catch the audience members’ attention, but first? It is a ‘jukebox musical’ of a ‘rom-com’, done in a manner of ‘Cats-2019’, but nowhere as bad, because ‘Cats-2019’ is the worst. That said, the viewers of the new ‘Valley Girl’ get constantly bombarded by various 1980s songs, which wears down attention, interest, and what else have you very quickly, and the prosaic dialogue portions of the movie don’t have a lot to contribute in that area to begin with. Anything else?

Sadly no. This is it for now, but it is always nice to talk to you. See you all soon!

AoS series finale - August 14

 Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, so let us talk about AoS instead. It has ended this week; the series is over for good. Therefore, what can be said about it?

Pathos. The AoS series’ finale had all of the regular flaws that the show had had from S2 onwards, (if not from the very first season), but in this case, it had something else – pathos. The final scenes, when the titular heroes get their happily ever after, were something else – pure Whedon.

Let us elaborate. First, because AoS was never able to leave its’ real-life connections behind, (or at least – under the rug, as ‘Blindspot’ had, for example), this week there were also several articles regarding the AoS’ conclusion, including an interview with the Whedon-son and his wife, Ms. T, (let us call her that, for brevity’s sake). It was a very flappy and overblown interview, doing its’ best to sell AoS as something epic, but what interests us for the moment, is the Whedon-papa, who was notably absent from the interview.

No, really, the interview actually had several photo illustrations; some of them were shots from the set, but one of them was a photo of the Whedon-son, Ms. T, her brother and her dad, but Whedon-father was nowhere in sight. I don’t know whether this is because Whedon-father has left team Marvel for team DC, or because there are regular talks about him being an abuser, a harasser, or someone similar – i.e., he got problems, but no one has mentioned Whedon-dad at all, even though the AoS’ S4 finale, for example, had direct references to his shows ‘BtVS’ and ‘AtS’, eh?

…Let’s paraphrase. One of the AoS’ ‘trademarks’ was its’ attempt to be ‘woke’ and ‘progressive’, while failing to do so – I’m talking about interracial couples. May and Phil were a typical example of this – they were ‘supposed’ to get together, but never did, until the very end of S5, when Phil died soon after, and that was the end of that. Clark Gregg continued to act on AoS, of course, but it were different characters instead; the last one was the second, (or the third?) LMD of Phil, not the real deal.

…In the series’ finale, Coulson, alongside with his trusty flying car Lola, has retired from the active S.H.I.E.L.D. duty. Since he is no more flesh and blood than a car is, this means what, exactly? He and the car will be put into a storage and deactivated? Or has Coulson returned to his flesh and blood self? Cough…

 …Yes, without getting too much into spoilers, it seems that from the S5 onwards the titular heroes had romped around in some splinter universe, not in the main MCU one, (one that has the 1 and a bunch of nines behind it). Yes, the way that Fitz had explained, (he returned for the series’ finale, good for Iain, I say), this is exactly what happened, and so, when the titular heroes returned to ‘their’ reality, nothing of what they did in the last 3 seasons muttered – not John Garret’s death, (derailing the Ward storyline for good, but who cares, right?), not Jiaying’s death, (, so no Daisy, period), not anything else. In addition, Deke, apparently, stayed behind to take over S.H.I.E.L.D. in that dimension – yay! …But Deke, (or rather – his actor, Jeff Ward), did not get along with the rest of the cast, yeah…

…Yeah, that was something of a problem for AoS throughout its’ run, as actors – and not just episodic characters, but the more important, albeit secondary ones, too – tended to leave the show ASAP and not come back. Considering that from S5 onwards AoS tried to reboot itself by various time travel/the past becomes the present/other allusions, this failed. The allusions were imperfect, and felt like throwaways instead…which they were. After the S3, AoS has largely ran out of the fresh, original material with which to go forth, and may have actually planned to end, (as the other Marvel shows did at that time – they ended after the second or the third season). Instead, we got the S4, which was supposed to feature the Ghost Rider, and it did, but the Ghost Rider TV show failed to launch, (for reasons unknown), and so the Ghost Rider is gone from the MCU for the moment, (though his influences were felt in the AoS’ S6) – but that was S4. From S5 onwards, (when the Chronocoms have kidnapped Coulson and his team into their alternate universe or wherever), AoS was a different show, (albeit with a mostly the same main cast), remaining to be Disney’s/MCU’s main representative in the world of TV shows, unchallenged by such entities as Netflix.

…Yes, I am talking about the Sony conflict, which ended with Sony keeping the rights to Spiderman at least for another movie. Back then, it appeared that this fight had threatened the Disney/Marvel juggernaut for real, but then came COVID-19, and everything became reshuffled in real life too. Now, Mulan is hitting Disney+ next month, (i.e. September 2020), so we’ll be talking about it then; for now, let’s just say that this decision is the latest in a number of bad ones made by Disney, (which includes ‘Artemis Fowl-2020’, cough). For now, back to AoS.

…Now, let us get our rant back under control. The truth is that all of the rumbling made a paragraph or two before is pointless, since AoS ended, and now all of the discussion of the show is academic. However, ‘tis the pathos that makes the series’ finale noteworthy; that, and the conclusion is so final. The titular characters have not vanished, of course, but they have gone their separate ways: the team Time Bus is gone, effectively, and will not return any time soon, because the show has ended, Disney, Disney+ and MCU do not need it anymore. Will any of the actors/characters from AoS appear in MCU? It is anyone’s guess. So what about Whedon?

…Does anyone remember the old BtVS comic? It was something of a variant of AoS, (which had its’ own comic series, but they went nowhere fast). One of the main plotlines there was the fact that both Willow’s, and Giles’, (who got rejuvenated into a pre-teen for some reason), love lives sucked, and that the comic writers’ team were subtly maneuvering them into becoming a couple, however long it took.

…And then the deal went through, the BtVS/AtS comic got rebooted in the current Boom version, but before that, the Scoobies had one last hoorah, by defeating a vampire overlord from the future, (don’t ask). What matters to us is that Giles returned to his original age and appearance, and any proto-chemistry between him and Willow vanished. Things returned to their old selves and everything else was abandoned. The AoS finale has the same feeling – the touch of the papa-Whedon, so his absence from the interview of the Whedon-son and the latter’s wife was only more glaring, and that is the point.

…What is the point, you may ask? The point is the AoS tried to be ‘progressive’ and ‘woke’, because the Whedon-son and his wife are supposedly are that. They are not. They are mainstream, and are neither progressive nor woke nor even politically correct. Rather, they are politically stylish, doing their best to fit in, regardless of what the mainstream into which they are fitting into is. In the interview, they talked as to how they could not use LMD’s and the other robots until the Age of Ultron movie was aired. That is Gilderoy Lockhart’s level of bull, and the younger Whedons are the real-life versions of Rowling’s character – smug, arrogant jerks who think that they’re all that, but they’re not. AoS’ S1 introduced Deathlok, a cyborg, and John Garrett Sr. himself was another. No one made a stink, because they were very important to S1, which is why the younger Whedons’ narrative a load of baloney. It is also the root of AoS’ problems – I am guessing few people wanted to work for them for too long, an association with Disney & Marvel or not – and where does it leave us?

In a world without AoS, in a world without a halfway decent TV show that tried to pretend that it was epic. Pathos and posturing do not go well together, I am afraid. Moreover, for now, this is it. See you all soon!

PS: And yes, I know that the Whedon-son mentioned the fanbase of AoS, and that there was a separate interview with Ms. Chloe Bennett as well. But we’ll talk about them another time, I promise!

AoS episode 7x11 - Aug 6

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, especially if you are a cicada, from the U.S. state of West Virginia, which are being infected by some insecticidal fungus, which is neutering and killing them, (presumably in that order). That said, the scientists, (starting with the various entomologists), are cool about it, saying that this cicada species will survive this. Fair enough, but where does this leave us?

With the latest episode of AoS – next week it is going to be the double-feature series’ finale! Sounds exciting, and after yesterday’s episode, the series could use it. Pause. Let us restart.

Yesterday’s episode was lackluster, to say the least, as it featured the usual set of AoS’ shortcomings.

First, there were plot twists – i.e., Kora talked to Daisy that Sibyl told Kora that Daisy would not abandon her sister…and Daisy showed that she considers Simmons to be her sister, not Kora. Very poignant, really, but considering that Jemma and Skye were friends from the start, and Kora appeared… what? Only halfway through the S7 and she and Daisy didn’t really interact until now? Yeah, suddenly the twist appears to be a lot less twisty.

…Incidentally, when did Daisy and Jemma acknowledge themselves ‘sisters’? In S6, they had some bonding on an alien planet, but no acknowledgement of sisterhood. In S3, Bobbi Morse acknowledged either one of them to be her ‘sister’… and that was the Russian mission episode after which Bobbi and Lance left the show for good, (yes, Lance appeared in one S5 episode, but his appearance was perfunctory, so let’s let it slide), so not a good track here, people! AoS tried to do a dramatic, poignant twist, but it just managed to make itself look stupid itself.

…The mention of S3 brings us to Grant Ward – in this week’s episode, Kora actually mentioned him, talking how she, (+Nathaniel Malick? – things were blurry for me by that point), could bring back all of the team Time Bus’s deceased friends, including those, who died because of Ward. Pause. How does, or did, Kora learn about Grant Ward and co? Did the Sibyl and Malick tell her about him? If so, why?

No, really, why? Yes, Grant Ward became of the greatest enemies of S.H.I.E.L.D., thanks to Coulson’s hubris, Melinda’s viciousness, and his own arrogance, (among other reasons), so it would make sense to bring him to the anti-Time Bus party, but instead, we got a young John Garret, who acts nothing like who his grown-up version acted in S1. …Yes, MCU brought the son of the original John Garrett actor to play this new version, but so what? I like trivia points as much as anyone does, but even I acknowledge that trivia on its’ own does not make a successful TV episode, (among other things). Pause.

Let us put Ward aside from the moment and return to the inconsistency issue – did anyone notice that the AoS rebooted itself again? The S7 premiere was all about the Chronocons and time travel, but by now both of them took a second seat to the InHumans, as well as Nathaniel Malick and his not quite Hydra. Notably, Gideon Malick, Nathaniel’s elder brother and the Hydra head from the S3, is quite absent from the episode. Ouch.

…And yet, the issue of Gideon Malick is nowhere as prominent as the great big jarring absence of Leo Fitz. The man had been physically absent from S7, and though his absence is a major plot point, sadly, YouTube had told too much: there is a video clip that has Jeff Ward, (who plays Deke Shaw), acknowledge that he and Iain, (who plays Fitz, no duh!), cannot stand each other. Ergo, first we had the S6, where Leo had been kept separate from the rest of the team because of reasons, (feel free to re-watch AoS’ S6 to re-learn all about them), and now we got S7, which is glaringly Fitz-free. Since the series’ finale is coming up next week, I really hope that Leo will finally re-appear on the show and save everyone, because he is just that adorable.

And if he doesn’t? That does not matter, sadly, because after the next week, that is it for AoS – it will be done and gone. High road, low road, it does not matter: they are about to be done for good, and while they are doing it better than how HBO’s GoT did it, that’s because practically anyone can do it better than how GoT did it. And yes, the last season of GoT has similarities to AoS in general – but that is another story.

…Well, this is it for now. See you all soon!

AoS Ep 7x10 - Aug 1

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, so we are continuing to talk about AoS. In this week’s episode, Jiaying is dead, and she never learned that Daisy was her daughter, just as Kora was. Pause.

Again, I may have forgot to mention it, but the entire ‘Daisy has a half-sister’ plot is yet another reboot, one that is not really compatible with the earlier episodes slash seasons. After the time storm – something brand new and original – AoS is back to the tired old clichés, i.e. rebooting and recycling its’ old ideas, (Nathaniel & Kora aren’t too different from Grant and Kara, or from Werner and Ruby, for that matter), time mismanagement – really, we’re having more of the same old hash now, are we? – plot redesigns, and, also, inconsistency.

Back when S7 began, the team Time Bus was all about how it was all about preserving the past, only now the past is anything but being preserved – it is being wildly changed instead. John Garrett is being brought into the (quasi)-Hydra fold already, way before the Balkans incident, (back in the 1990s, as opposed to the 1980s), which threatens his connection to Ward, for without Garrett, Ward would never become involved with S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra; whether that’s a good thing or not is another question, but the team Time Bus is trying to preserve the past, the good and the bad of it, not change it, right?

…And speaking of Grant, what about Daisy? Was she conceived and abandoned already? Because if she wasn’t, then she’s liable to stop existing, period, once their time travel ends and they settle back down, (in a manner of speaking)? With the entire old leadership of Li Shi dead, the time line changed already and possibly for good. What next?

I, for one, have no idea, but it will be interesting to see as to what will happen next, simply because we are in the finishing stretch, baby, and no one cares. Rather, everyone’s focus is on Daniel and Daisy, because, like, they are MCU/S.H.I.E.L.D.’s new couple of darlings or something. Since there is no indication that ‘Marvel’s AoS’ characters will appear in the future MCU installments, this doesn’t mean very much.

On the other hand, I’ve to apologize, as I’ve mislead you: ‘The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’ aren’t coming to MCU/Disney+ this month, they’re restarting their airing/shooting this month, and will arrive on MCU/Disney+ later this year, (2020). Given that we still have nary a sign as to when the re-made ‘Mulan’ Disney movie is coming out, I’m not making any bets on TFATWS, or any other Marvel/Disney+ shows. Anything else?

…Back in real life, a woman was killed by a great white shark off the coast of Maine, (which is an American state, cough), just when NatGeo is thrusting its’ ‘Shark Week’ all over the place: here, there, and everywhere, even on its’ currently downfallen YouTube channels. The NatGeoWild YouTube channel is not even worth mentioning, as these days it just features clips from the various NatGeo (and Animal Planet?) TV series, none of which lately is any good. Then again, there is the ‘Gordon Ramsey Unchained’ show… pause.

Earlier this year, the NatGeo YouTube channel aired plenty of Gordon Ramsey’s adventures abroad, but now, as his final – for the S2, anyways – Norwegian episode was aired, the two YouTube channels fell out of sync. Did the NatGeo leadership and team Ramsey have a falling-out or something? Does anyone have any ideas? If so, feel free to share them with me, because I will be listening.

For now, though, this is it. See you all soon!

AoS 7x09 - June 24

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. So, let us get to AoS and talk about it, now that I am back home and all. Where are we with them?

On one hand, this week’s episode was one of the best, as the Team Time Bus had to deal with a brand new situation that’d never come up on AoS beforehand: they were caught in a time storm/time vortex/time loop and had to work as a team even as time and space were running out. Since there is still four episodes left until the series’ finale, they made it, of course, with Enoch self-sacrificing himself to save the rest of the team. Because obviously his character is not coming back to MCU, his death actually meant something, unlike the demise of Phil Coulson LMD#2, who was back and functioning by this episode. Yay! MCU’s AoS actually managed to have a meaningful death of a positive character for a change. In addition, now that a major recurring character is out of the picture for good, maybe we will get Fitz back, ‘cause in real life? The AoS’ budget could not have both Fitz and Enoch on set full time. Ouch!

On the other side, there are some repetition still: the rebooted Nathaniel Malick and Kora, cough, are so the rebooted Ward and Kara Palamas – sort of. Sadly, it seems that the AoS’ corner of MCU tends to burn bridges with the ex-members of its’ cast, so no Ward or Palamas or Raina; instead, we got Gordon and Jiaying, and I’ve no idea what it cost MCU/AoS to have those two actors return to the plot. Daisy is supposed to be reunited with her mother – that is Jiaying – in the next week’s episode, and since back in the S2 finale Jiaying proved to be very much a villain, it’ll be interesting to see how team AoS have handled this in their last reboot… because it is one. (Cough, Li, cough). (Idea reboots alongside idea recycling and repetition were/are major problems of AoS).

Finally, there is Daisy and Daniel Sousa – apparently, they are an official couple on the show. Big whoop. Timing is everything – when Daisy and Lincoln kissed in the S3 mid-season finale, that meant something because the show was continuing, and no one knew that Lincoln would be killed-off at the end of S3, and mentioned only briefly when Daisy met Robbie Reyes, (MCU’s Ghost Rider), as part of the Quake/Ghost Rider story arc.

…Sadly, MCU’s plans for the Ghost Rider fell through, his show got cancelled, Mr. Luna’s career is currently on hiatus post his 2019 appearance in the latest ‘Terminator’ film, and also in ‘Hala’, and so, instead, we had the AoS’ S6, which had very strong elements of the ‘Ghost Rider’ franchise – and at the AoS episode 6x13 the show got rebooted once again, this time with the Chronocons. …Only, there were no Chronocons in the latest two AoS episode, and instead all of the focus was on Nathaniel and Kora as the antagonists, with nary a word about Hive too. Maybe the Chronocons are gone? In which case, how will team AoS write themselves out of this corner, or will they go down the GoT’s road – blatant plotholes, blatantly unrepentant? We will just have to wait and see.

…And as for Daniel and Daisy… well, they do leave Deke hanging in the air: yes, he has restarted S.H.I.E.L.D. – sort of – in the 1980s, but now what? Ever since his appearance in AoS’ S5, Deke and Daisy had been matched up together, however, clumsily, but now Daisy is with Sousa instead. Not that it matters, but Deke is now a loose end, plot-wise, and he did not stay dead either. What is next?

Hard to say, actually. This week’s AoS episode had truly been a storm, and an enjoyable one, but it is still an AoS episode, and therefore flawed, and next week the team Time Bus is returning to the 1980s, meaning that they will be back to their ‘regularly scheduled’ plot lines, ha-ha. We will just have to wait and see as to what will happen next.

…Well, this is it for now. See you all soon.

Quarantine entry #118 - July 17

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Therefore, I looked at the ‘Wonder woman 77 meets Bionic woman’ comic, and-?

Well, here is the thing. For a while, I followed the ‘Batman 66’ comics, which were based on the sixties’ TV version of Batman. They are not bad comics, and I have enjoyed following them, (they have ended for now, from what I understand), and this brings us to WW77. This is a comic series based on the seventies’ version of Wonder Woman. Fair enough, but somehow they never got to be as popular as their Batman counterparts did. As to why is that, I have no idea – WW is as good a DC superhero as Batman is – and this brings us to the abovementioned comic. Ergo-?

Ergo it just does not work. Somehow, they made the meeting of the two female superheroes look kind of boring and mundane – almost like ‘Charlie’s Angels’, (the initial original movie), but with superpowers. And robots.

The robots. Throughout the series, they’re called ‘fembots’ – apparently, in the original TV/comic series, they were only women, but now they’re men, so even the crossover comic itself asks – shouldn’t they be ‘man-bots’ instead? And…the name never changes for some paper-weak excuse: obviously, the name cannot be changed because of copyright issues, but…

…But this is actually the problem with the WWBW comic here – it is trying to be ‘woke’ too hard, while also trying to be authentic to the spirit of both of its components – WW & BW – also too hard. The result is weak sauce – maybe not ‘Dark Phoenix 2019’ weak, but close enough.

Let us try to elaborate. Let us look at the villains – there are 3 to 4 various WW & BW villains, all associated with robotics, cybernetics, bionics, etc. That sounds like a good combo, but somehow this evil team never amounts to much; sure, a motley crew of the abovementioned robots and mercenaries let by a Nazi/ex-Nazi captain from WW’s past invades the Amazons’ island, but both of those groups are featureless as far as characters go, and serve nothing more than cannon fodder. If this were ST, they would all be wearing red shirts.

…Oh, wait, the robots do wear red shirts; actually, their closing is red (or some other monochrome coloration), done in the worst 70s throwback ever: their getup serves no purpose just to provide some authentic 70s’ vibe. Set in a world of Amazons and humanoid robots. Right. Authenticity, what are you doing here? Are you on a trip? Cough.

…The clothing issues aside, why are the villains invading the Amazon Island? Why, to steal some special metal that will make their robots extra strong!.. Doesn’t sound like the worst idea, true, but somehow the team WWBW makes it sound mundane and tripe, and have ever the info that WW’s homeland has some special metal ever surfaced in the DC verse? I can’t remember, but this is no reason to declare this development to be a one-time wonder, right? Where were we?

Ah yes, the wokeness. Somehow, the Batman 66 comics were never so ‘woke’ as this one, which might be the reason why the WWBW comic never acquired any sequels; the WW77 comic line itself went for a volume or two, but now it is also gone, (just as the Batman 66 comics are). Maybe team DC decided to overhaul its’ extended universe again, and any future collaborations between WW and BW got lost in the shuffle. Who knows?

For now, however, this is it. See you all soon!

Quarantine entry #117 - July 16

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, which brings us to AoS. It is not real, but it is not doing much better than real life does, albeit in different details. Pause.

What is the big berk about this week’s AoS episode? It is yet another reboot of the old material; fans of Ward and Kara will look at Nathaniel Malick, (himself rebooted from his S3 appearance), and his new friend Kora, and sigh.

…For the record, just who is Kora? If the name sounds familiar, thank the Greek myths – in there, Kora is the alternate name of Persephone, as in the queen of the underworld and Hades’ wife. This is one of the best-known and most popular Greek myths in the modern times, BTW, so any similarities to agent 33’s actual name – Kara Lynn Palamas – is wholly accidental, I’m certain.

Moreover, there are two characters named ‘Kora’ in the MCU. However, they are episodic characters and do not appear to have appeared in the overall Marvel universe for more than a couple of appearances. One is a native of Lemuria, (and we have not seen too much of Lemuria in Marvel recently), while the other is an associate of the so-called Machine Man, and he has not made much of an appearance in Marvel either.

…Really, if Kora lasts until the end of S7/AoS proper, she might not be too different from Sarge from S6 – a secondary character who was given a primary status because the same actor played him as he did Coulson, (i.e. Clark Gregg), and who shared a name with several other unrelated Marvel characters, (i.e. Sarge). Is she worth time to dwell upon? Not right now.

…The Kora issue aside, the fact is that in this week’s episode AoS tried to reboot its’ S2 InHumans… again. They were very important in AoS’ S2 & 3, but afterwards they became rather diminished as apparently no one in Marvel/Disney knew what to do with them once Marvel’s ‘InHumans’ series flopped after the first season. More specifically, in this episode, any reference to the Daisy/Jiaying connection was carefully scrapped and/or avoided, and instead it was focused on Yo-Yo trying to recover her powers. Daisy, on the other hand, was put into the metaphorical storage – apparently, she could recover by herself after all the abuse that Nathaniel Malick had put her through, right?..

No, seriously, last week’s trailer presumed that Jiaying would help Daisy, and maybe even mend bridges with her before all the deaths – but wait! Silly us, team Time Bus does not want any changes, it is trying to preserve the original time line, and this brings us to Yo-Yo meeting Jiaying… right. What will happen to Daisy now that she had missed her chance to recover at Li Shi? Come to think of it, is Malick working with the Chronocons still a thing?

…Well, yes, they probably are, given what we have seen of ‘the excellent adventures of Mack and the D’, but this brings its’ own problems: AoS is trying to balance several plotlines simultaneously; sometimes it works really well, (I.e. AoS’ S4), while in others it doesn’t, (I.e. S6). Between this and the fact that AoS should be getting to its’ final hurrah, its’ final showdown between good vs. evil, (S.H.I.E.L.D. vs. Hydra?) and so far there’s no clear evidence that this will happen.

…True, there is no indication that the abovementioned is what is going to happen, but if it does not, then odds are that AoS’ fans are going to feel stupid – but AoS itself is almost over, it may not care! …Still better than what team GoT did at their series’ finale though. Where were we?

…Moving one more step closer to the AoS’ series finale, that is where! Moreover, for now, this is it. See you all soon!

Quarantine entry #116 - July 15

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. So, what shall we talk about, today?

I must admit that I have no idea; the last weeks have been rather exhausting and draining and depressing and worrisome, so you know what? Here is a piece of my fiction for you to enjoy. Any comments and criticisms are welcome all the same:

All of this was a long, long time ago.

This was at the beginning, and at the beginning, there was chaos. Boundless, boundless, formless, it spread from the beginning to the end, and then… something happened in it. Order was conceived in chaos, and chaos began to be divided after all – into air and land, water and flame. Life was conceived in chaos - and Mother Earth, Mother Gaea, came to be.

Mother Earth stretched itself from edge to edge, and she divided the entire other world into top and bottom halves. In addition, beneath mother, Gaea laid gloomy Tartarus, and there Mother Night, Nyx, came to be. Meanwhile Gaea gave birth to Pontus the sea, she gave birth to woodlands and mountains, fields and plains, and she gave birth to Uranus the Sky. The Sky, the mountains and the Sea were born from Gaea and they have no father.

In addition, powerful Uranus the Sky fell in love with Mother Gaea. From their union came Hemera the bright Day and the three Cyclops fathers – Arg, Steropes and Brontes – came from the union and so have the three hundred-headed and hundred-armed giants, the hecatoncheires, and finally, from that union came the six first titans and six first titanesses. Mother Gaea smiled, looking at their children, but Uranus frowned sternly, he did not like them at all. Uranus imprisoned his children in the depths of Tartarus, and from the injustice of this act, from the grief that arose from that act, from Mother Earth's salty maternal tears, a new metal, adamantium, was born – the metal that was greater than all other metals.

In addition, the three eldest Cyclops – Arg, Steropes and Brontes – told their brothers and sisters:

"We can, o our brothers' hecatoncheires and titans, o our sisters-titanesses, forge from the adamantium metal a sickle that will bring down our father, Uranus. But who will wield it?"

However, the other children of Uranus and Gaea were silent, only the youngest of titans, the fair-haired Chronus, said finally:

"I. I will take it."

Therefore, the first Cyclops-blacksmiths began to forge the sickle from the adamantium. Sparks and shards of metal spread from their first forge throughout Tartarus. All-seeing Night, Nyx the Dark looked at this deed, smiling her mocking smile, and she breathed upon these sparks and shards, and from them the other Cyclops, smaller and weaker than their three forefathers (but looking just like them), came to be, and from the smoke and the stench Erebus, the eternal gloom of Tartarus, was born.

The Cyclops, children of Gaea and Uranus, worked long and worked hard. Their children – the lesser Cyclops – aided and assisted them. Their brothers and sisters looked at this in wonder and marvelled, only the young titan, Chronus, looked at the creation of the lesser Cyclops with envy, since he did not know how to create as the Cyclops did. However, no one saw this, only Nyx the Dark, herself invisible and inaudible, saw this - and she stayed silent.

In addition, the Cyclops finished their creation, and with a bow, they gave to it to Chronus. Chronus took it silently - and his face was gloomier than the face of Erebus, and he went upward from Tartarus. Rocks lay in heaps on his way - Chronus cut them with his sickle, and the first avalanches fell upon Mother Earth. Tangles of everlasting roots blocked his path – Chronus cut through them with his sickle, and the first dead trees fell onto Mother Earth. Paths of underground rivers lay in his paths – Chronus cut through them with his sickle, and rivers dried out on Mother Earth, and the first drought came forth into the world.

In addition, Chronus came into the middle-world, he straightened out to his full, titanic height, he yelled with the full power of his voice, calling their father to battle. In addition, Uranus frowned, and daylight faded, and thunderstorms and blizzards, winds, storms and clouds, came to battle with Chronus. However, Chronus swung his sickle once, cutting the foul weather apart with it, and Chronus waved his sickle twice - and the first rainbow was born into the world, blood of Uranus was spilled, straight from his cloven body, and his blood came into the middle-world.

This blood fell into Pontus the Sea, and white foam boiled in the sea, and from it came the fair Aphrodite, the powerful goddess of love. She danced on the waves of the sea – and the first love came into the world.

This blood fell onto Mother Earth, and Mother- Earth conceived from Uranus for the last time: she gave birth to nymphs - dryads, hamadryads, and all the others, and she gave birth to giants, the last, passionate theomachists, she it gave birth to three Furies, 3 winged virgins, Aphrodite's terrible sisters.

In addition, some of Uranus' blood was spilled into Tartarus - but at that, time from there emerged powerful titans, and beautiful titanesses, and here they beheld Aphrodite's wonderful dance, and blood boiled in them from desire, and blood boiled from desire in Chronus. However, his blood was poisoned by his envy, he waved his sickle – Mother Earth, Gaea, shuddered, and the exit from Tartarus was brought down - neither the powerful hecatoncheires nor the artful smiths the Cyclops could leave from there. In addition, Mother Earth said to the three Furies:

"You there fly there, I do not know where, and you bring here Nemesis!"

The Furies flew unseen and unnoticed by the celebrating titans; the Furies flew to the western edge of the middle-earth, there, where the kingdom of Night was located. In addition, they exclaimed in loud voices:

"Mother Dark Night, you release Nemesis into our world!"

Nyx the Night said nothing to them, but only smiled. In addition, the Furies exclaimed once again:

"Mother Dark Night, release Nemesis to help us!"

Nyx the Night still said nothing, only smiled. In addition, the Furies exclaimed for the third time:

"Mother Dark Night, by the command of Mother Earth, release Nemesis to aid us – to punish perfidious Chronus!"

Nyx the night smiled for the third time, she only clapped her palms - Nemesis, the daughter of Night from the blood of Uranus that was spilled into Tartarus, came to the edge of the world. Then Nemesis flapped her eagle wings, she flew after the three sisters to the middle-earth.

In addition, there was a celebratory feast – as wide as the entire world. Aphrodite-Love was dancing throughout the entire world, wherever she only looked, wherever she would just flap her fair wing, [new, unprecedented life came to be – the oceanids and the nereids, the phaeacans and the centaurs, the satyrs and the fauns, the tree-folk, Lapiths, and the Amazons, and many, many others. Yet, as titanesses and titans danced Aphrodite's dance, they too gave birth to many new other titans - Helios and Selene, Astraia and Eos, and many, many others.

Chronus danced, and he danced with his sister Rhea, the favorite of their mother Gaea. However, invisible, Nemesis-Retribution flew by him in the guise of a cuckoo; she sat on a hill before Chronus and cried:

"Chronus, Chronus, you are powerful, you rise above the clouds, as the head of Uranus fell off, so will yours!"

Chronus shook and the Furies were already here as well! Sister Alecto was disguised as an eagle owl, she sat on the left side of the titans, and she started to bellow:

"Hoo, hoo, boo, boo! All earthly is only dust and ashes! You were carried upwards by wind, by wind you will fall back into Tartarus, hoo!"

Sister Megara was disguised as a black raven, she sat on the right side of the titan and she cawed:

"Caw, caw you have a flaw! You conquered Uranus, and before long your son will conquer you, caw!"

Sister Tisiphone was disguised as a black woodpecker; she sat on top of Chronus' head and began to drum it! The titan's mind grew dark, and fear with envy boiled in his veins, darkened his eyes, yet alas - no one saw this, no one heard it: Aphrodite of the sea, the white swan, has blocked everyone's ears, covered everyone's eyes!

In addition, Chronus, the conqueror of Uranus, went mad. In addition, here Rhea came to show him their eldest daughter – Chronus swallowed her. Afterward he swallowed their other children, two sons and two other daughters. In addition, a third son was born to Rhea. In addition, here to her came the whisper:

"Rhea, you can keep your last child! Hide him on Crete, in the mountains of Gaea with their ancient magic! You can ask the local nymphs, the nurses of the Curetes, for aid! Take care to save your last child from Chronus!"

In addition, Rhea listened to that whisper, and she heeded this whisper's advice. Maybe, it was indeed a whisper of Mother Earth, who wanted to help her favorite, and possibly that it was the whisper of Nemesis. But Rhea obeyed that whisper, and she hid her last child in the Cretan mountains, and to her husband she gave a fake, a stone covered in diapers - and no one saw that, dark night has hid that, and Chronus then fell asleep, tired, contented.

But people say that Nemesis, in the guise of a swallow, flew away from Chronus' palace, she flew off and came to the cave of Zeus, son of Chronus and Rhea, grandson of Uranus and Gaea. Was that so or not - no one knows, but Zeus, son of Chronus, grew in his cave not at a daily, but an hourly rate. In addition, after growing up, he said:

"Not for a son of Chronus to sit like a rock in the cave – time for me to go and meet my father –Chronus, to look at other gods, to show off myself."

He said that - and disappeared, dissolved in the dark blue of the Cretan skies. Soon a new cupbearer appeared in Chronus' palace, ever smiling, with locks as white as clouds and with eyes the color of celestial dark blue. With a white-toothed smile, he gave wine to the guests of Chronus, to titanesses and to titans, and he reached Chronus as well. Recklessly did the titan drink the dark wine – and trembling with his entire body he spat - and spat the stone out. The stone was spat far away – it flew through one-half of the world, it fell accurately into the world's middle, and came right through the middle-world: it went through Hades, the land of the dead, and the dark Tartarus, and this stone, Omphalos, the navel of the world, reached even the great Abyss!

In addition, Chronus, maddened by Nemesis and the three Furies, drank again. Trembling with his entire body - he spat out two of his eldest sons, Poseidon and Hades. They landed flew away – Hades landed in the land of the dead, Poseidon – in the realm of Nereus, the ocean.

In addition, the lunatic finished drinking the remainders of that cup. His innards shuddered, he spat out his daughters, he collapsed in unconsciousness - and off his arms and his head departed the Furies, the dark birds, they circled once around him, and following Nemesis, they left the palace. Therefore, no one saw the fall of the daughters of Chronus. Of Demeter as she fell among clear and wide fields of wheat, of Hestia - into the burning center of the palace, of Hera - straight in arms of Zeus.

The mighty son of Chronus, Zeus, grabbed Hera tightly, and from that unexpected weight, he stamped his foot - throughout the world that rumble was heard, it reached even the underworld. That rumble, their hands rose as numerous as rivers, roused the powerful hecatoncheires and they cleared their way from Tartarus, created by Omphalos! They went into the light, and after them came their brothers the Cyclops, the blacksmiths of underground world, and they brought their nephews their gifts.

To the eldest son, to Hades, came the helmet of the invisibility: whoever bears this helmet is invisible to the gods, and people, and monsters. To the middle son, to Poseidon, came the trident, the cold lightning: the trident goes to one side - sea will boil with storms, and if it goes another side - the calm will fall onto the sea. However, to the youngest son, to Zeus, son of Chronus came the royal sceptre – the deafening thunderbolt, intolerable for all in the terrestrial and celestial worlds. Only the subterranean Cyclops and the powerful hecantocheires, only Nyx the night and Erebus the gloom do not fear it.

In addition, Zeus waved the thunderbolt and Chronus fell from his mountain palace, his brothers, who fled from his palace, were brought down further along the road as Chronus fell downwards. Once more rose the hands of the hecatoncheires, they grabbed their brothers the titans, they took away them down into Tartarus - to the end of time, with the songs of Nemesis-Retribution singing in their ears: "What you reap is what you sow!"

Three times then flew Nemesis in the guise of cuckoo around Zeus and Hera. At their feet, then grew a copper tree with silver leaves and gold apples - whether Gaea, Mother Earth grew it, or whether the Cyclops had tried once again. Zeus the hero accepted this miracle-tree as his and Hera's gift. And people said, that before their wedding night Hera ate one such apple - and from her union with Zeus came Hephaestus, the first blacksmith and the expert of all the ores, and Ares, the first soldier, who sent numerous souls to uncle Hades into the land of the Dead, and Eris, the goddess of Discord. That is another tale...

...Well, this is it for now. See you all soon!