New Story - July 14

 Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, so here is a story based on TBBT instead.

1.

…Watching Leonard going to the altar, where Priya is waiting for him, Penny expects her to burst into flames for some reason. Naturally, this does not happen, so Penny just pours herself another glass. She pauses. Should she drink so much? Isn’t she at a wedding? Did she drink so much? Does she love her booze so much? She looks around and realizes that she has no idea whom those people are, and why is she here – aside from the free booze, so she freely imbibes it and enjoys the buzz. She loves her booze.

“Penny. Penny. Penny.” It is Sheldon. Sheldon Cooper. Penny knows Sheldon. Sheldon is real. “I know that you’re hurting, but you shouldn’t drink so much-“

Is Sheldon for real? Penny drinks because booze is her only love; she jabs her long, pointed fingernail at Sheldon and the rubber doll deflates from the puncture, collapsing at Penny’s feet with a shriek and a stink of rubber. Penny blinks and looks around. No one noticed this; all are watching the bride and the groom.

Penny crumples the deflated rubber doll and throws it into a garbage bin, closing the lid. So much for Sheldon. He was real, a real doll, but it is time for Penny to move on.

Penny rides away to her apartment, unnoticed by anyone else.

 

2.

People across the hall are arguing. Penny’s head is hurting from the booze again. What are they arguing about? One man – Howard – is yelling at the other – Raj – that Raj does not love this Lakshmi woman, he is a free man, and Raj is yelling back that is none of Howard’s business, precisely, and then Raj’s sister joins the conversation…

Penny blinks and thinks that she is so happy that she is happy with – what? She looks at her bottle collection and thinks that either it should be bigger or there should not be one at all or that she is confused…

There is someone else in her apartment. Penny blinks and turns to face them. “Hi!” says a young woman her age. “I’m Lakshmi. Your ad said that you need a roommate-?”

“Yes please!” Penny asks nicely and does her best to win Lakshmi over without sounding too desperate.

Somehow it works. Lakshmi stays.

 

3.

Penny and Lakshmi are holding hands and giggling. Penny is so happy! In addition, sober! She is sober by default, of course, but she does not care. Her life is going places as her career takes off beyond bartender and waiter – into managerial position.

Some random thought about acting tries to flick across her mind, when who should sit next to them, but Farrah ‘call me Amy’ Fowler and her partner, What’s-Her-Name (it’s either Bernadette or Tubbo, and Penny just doesn’t care).

“…And so, lasses, we agreed,” Farrah Fowler says in that grand manner of hers. “Lakshmi and Bernadette will get pregnant first and Penelope with me – the next time!”

Penny opens her mouth to comment, when her brain realizes that it all makes perfect sense and so she agrees. She is so happy to have both a partner and friends! Squee!

 

4.

It’s Penelope ‘call me Penny’ (no one does) and Lakshmi, Farrah ‘call me Amy’ (no one does) and Bernadette ‘don’t call me Tubby’ (everyone does), and Priya and Leonard as a designated straight couple and they’re all talking about something or other, their mouths are making noises, their ears are hearing noises, everyone is buzzed, and Lakshmi is pregnant, and Bernadette is pregnant, and Priya is pregnant, and they’re talking about something or other, and-

There is a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it!” Penelope says airily, and bestrides like a colossus that she is to the door before Priya can.

The door opens. “Hi,” the man says on the other side. “I’m Stuart. I’m looking for Sheldon?”

Penelope blinks. “Excuse me?” The funny man does not make any sense. “Who are you looking for? Never mind, they are not there. Good-bye.” She closes the door.

The knocking continues.

Penelope and the others ignore it.

The knocking intensifies.

Penelope and the others still ignore the knocking.

The knocking becomes so loud that it cannot be ignored.

Penelope opens the door before anyone can stop her. She opens the door and she stands in their backyard looking up a tree where a bunch of woodpeckers is knocking on the tree trunk and other birds are waiting for scraps. It is annoying, but it is life.

“Problem?” someone asks; Penelope just points at the scene. “Just Stuart and his flock,” she elaborates and blinks. “Stuart is the local bird, not the tree.”

“No, the tree is Sheldon,” Lakshmi agrees.

A disposed deflated rubber doll comes to mind, but Penelope does not know what to think about it, and so she forgets.

The tree has a shapely trunk, anyhow.

 

5.

Penelope is lying on her bed, listening to her family sleep. The snores are musical, (in a manner of speaking), the noises outside – the cicadas and the crickets – also. The stars are twinkling, the suburbs are quiet, and Penelope is content.

The Fowlers’ house is to the left, the Hofstadters’ is to the right, and the sky is up above. Penelope tries to remember California rather than this place, and fails.

Or rather, she does succeed, for this, after all, is California – their California.

End

Comments? Criticisms?