Jaws vs. Livyatan 2024 - Sep 17

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, so let us briefly talk about the ‘Jaws vs. Leviathan’ that was aired during the summer 2024. It is a sequel to the ‘Jaws vs. Meg’ that also aired earlier, and was discussed by us as well. Therefore, what about this show?

On one hand, it is an improvement over the first show, if simply by virtue of having a better CGI, one that is not almost all-monotonous dark blue. There are different shades and colors, and one can easily notice what is going on here. Moreover, the plot/script of the final face-off is a bit better, and is less reminiscent of the dragon-not-quite-a-fight in the HoD S1 finale. Therefore, why is the rant?

Because the premise of the show just feels somewhat wrong. Sharks are cartilaginous fish, while whales are cetacean mammals, alongside the smaller dolphins, porpoises, and co. The physical similarities between the two groups (and the extinct ichthyosaurus reptiles of the Mesozoic) are only superficial and physical, and are not even complete, given how the cetaceans (and the extinct ichthyosaurs) breathe air, while the sharks (and their relatives) do not.

Yet, the differences between sharks and cetaceans is more than just physical, it is mental: like most of the mammals, the cetaceans take care of their young, (as it was shown in the show), while the sharks – not so much. The cooperative hunting/feeding by the great white sharks is something else again: it is a pecking order, and a cooperative pecking order, but it is not pack hunting of the orcas.

Orcas… they’re the top pack hunters in the modern oceans; great white sharks attack and eat whale calves, to be sure, but orcas attack and successfully eat adult whales instead, including such big species as the modern grey whale, and even, according to some rumors, sperm whales.

Now, male sperm whales are the biggest modern toothed whales (cetaceans), period, and not even orcas like to mess with them, but sperm whale females and calves are smaller and thus have bigger chances to end up on the orcas’ menu. That said, what matters here is that the orcas do what the great whites can do, only better, and their existence is one of the reasons as to why the Megalodon shark did die out by the Pleistocene epoch. (Recent past, but still the past). In addition, the modern sperm whale?

First, the modern sperm whale is a carnivore specialist, as it feeds primarily on large species of squid and octopus, while the modern orca will try to eat anything at least once. Second, the two species are not close relatives; the sperm whale’s close relatives are the Kogia whales, two species of really small cetaceans that look slightly like the sperm whale does, but without the oversized head; there are plenty of debate as to how close they are to the sperm whale… but they are still more closely related to it than the killer whale does; more specifically, the sperm whale, the Kogia whales, and the extinct Livyatan whale are one group, and the killer whale is another, in the overall cetacean clan; and to involve the orca with the sperm whales and their relatives is wrong and incorrect.

Yet genealogy does not really play a role in the ‘Jaws vs. Livyatan’ special, and it doesn’t matter; what matters is that comparing sharks to cetaceans is like comparing apples to oranges… or even potatoes – the two groups of animals are too different on the inside to compare and contrast; but-

-but frankly, the ‘Jaws vs.’ series doesn’t care about such scientific niceties; instead, in the best tradition of AFO, it does its’ best to come across as both informative and entertaining; the version I watched was rather skewed in favor of the sharks – but then again, these are Shark Week specials after all – but still informative and entertaining enough for me to watch till the end, even though the repetitive reiteration that the CGI sharks act just as the live fish do was annoying. Still, the show was better than the reality is, because real life flat-out sucks – but that is another story.

For now, however, this is it. See you all soon!

S.H.I.E.L.D., S6 - July 30

Let us start… no, let us skip the obligatory disclaimer, and go to the more intense things. Or not, let us wait and see how it goes.

To begin – ‘Insatiable’ continues… either to have problems, or to generate problems for itself, via Netflix: by now, there are rumors of a ‘review embargo’; i.e. apparently, no critical reviews can be published until the film itself is released. Look: it may appear to be a sound strategy, but in reality, this shows that ‘Insatiable’ does have problems that are more serious than just a badly made trailer is. If the film was sound, then a little criticism wouldn’t hurt; there are plenty of movies that went on regardless of what the critics thought…including the TV ones, but ‘Insatiable’ is trying to do something different, apparently, so good luck to it – so far it just further amplifies the feeling that ‘Insatiable’ is a badly made movie, so it might end up going the new ‘Ghostbusters’ route, where the movie had a bad reputation and was just bad. In fact, having any reputation helped the new ‘Ghostbusters’ some, as it actually made people want to come and look at it, just to see how bad it really was. Not unlike the Marvel ‘InHumans’ TV series, it was just…insipid, and while Marvel ‘InHumans’ just got cancelled after their S1, the new ‘Ghostbusters’ movie franchise…has also ended; there are some new ‘Ghostbusters’ comics, but otherwise? That is it for now; just like ‘InHumans’, ‘Ghostbusters’ have failed.

Meanwhile… the shark week has ended, the global tiger day was yesterday, and there are new news about AoS. Firstly, Clark Gregg, (aka Phil Coulson) will be back…to direct the first episode of S6. There are no news of Wen, (May), so she probably will not be back in AoS in any capacity, period. There are some Coulson fans that will be excited by the news, no doubt, but for the rest of us? This will not be the same; as always, AoS wants to have it both ways and consequently, does not succeed in either – go them. Not.

EW has published a mini-interview with Gregg online and showed that yes; he is directing the upcoming 6x01 episode – ‘Missing Pieces’, (or something like that). Good for him, Gregg has directed the ‘Fun and Games’ episode of AoS already back in S5, (does anyone feels that this made ‘Fun and Games’ somehow different from the rest of AoS, eh?), so he has plenty of practice under his belt – and everyone is very excited, especially Chloe Bennett, (who plays Skye/Daisy/Quake). The more I see of her as a person, the less I like her, regardless of what I feel for her character on one hand, and how much I respect her acting skills on the other.

Speaking of Skye/Daisy/Quake? Jeff Ward is also staying on AoS, as Deke Shaw, the FitzSimmons’ grandson from the future, and probably Daisy’s love interest. Why?

Listen, AoS began as a show about three couples – the FitzSimmons, Skye & Grant, and Phil & Mel. The FitzSimmons are technically a couple still, even though the show constantly divides them in ever creative and new ways, to a point where it gotten ridiculous: the two of them still have to sire and give birth to Deke’s mom, for otherwise, Deke will just fade away and Daisy will be left single again.

No, seriously, what gives? Daisy’s/Chloe’s love interests come and go every season, again to the point of ridiculousness – Britt and Dalton, Mitchell and Luna, and anyone else who’s forgotten, they all came and went for various reasons – is working on AoS with Chloe so bad? Seriously, by now this sort of a relationship leapfrog game with Daisy is also ridiculous…and there are still some fans who are feeling let down by the fact that SkyeWard relationship did not happen.

Of course, there is now Deke. Deke and Daisy, there is the letter D alliteration, how clever. If the S5 had treated their relationship as a, well, fledgling relationship, things would have been better for them and for the viewers. Instead, Deke’s role on S5 was all over the place, and never concretely with Daisy, (or as S.H.I.E.L.D.’s new rookie either, for that matter), so right now he has less of a presence than Kasius and Sinara do – that alien power couple have some fans, even though they are evil and are kind of dead. Ish. If Deke and Daisy will appear as a couple of whatever sorts on AoS’ S6, then there will be some backlash just because – and now it is unknown if AoS can take it. (Mind you, if after their sixth season they will decide just to call it quits…that might not be a problem – six seasons are a respectable run, after all, and the Marvel scene is changing too…)

Anything else? No, not really. There’s also the upcoming ‘To All the Boys that I have Loved’ movie, also on Netflix, and-

And it is shaping to be a very different piece than the original novel was. The original novel – the first in a trilogy, and perhaps – the strongest, is a love drama novel. Yes, there’s some humor – moreso in the other two novels than in this one – but mainly to undercut the drama of the plot and to ensure that the novels don’t get too high-handed, or high-strung, or whatever. The movie – even in its’ trailer – has a lot more humor in it, including physical humor, than the novel does.

Secondly, the attitude. The author – Jenny Han – has made her heroine, Lara Jean, (let us just call her LJ in the future) – old-fashioned to a point, where she is still a virgin. Gasp, and with most of her friends, (including her big sister), not being so to the point. Somehow or other, Jenny Han’s LJ novels are romantic, without any sex involved, especially not directly. And in the movie trailer? LJ’s dad hands her apparently a set of condoms, for fun.

Now, here’s the thing – it isn’t certain if LJ is her author’s mouthpiece in her trilogy, but she is a representative of a certain set of values; actually, Jenny Han isn’t subtle about showing her values at least in this trilogy; she is politically correct and progressive, (of course), as there are racial minorities in the novels, and at least one homosexual character; but-

But when it comes to characters in the LJ trilogy in general, Jenny Han seems to have issues with them as an author. There’re LJ and her family, (including Trina, her eventual stepmother), there’s Paul Kavinski, (LJ’s significant other), and his family…but they are already nowhere near as well fleshed-out as LJ and her family are, there’s Josh and John- wait.

Josh deserves a special mention because he was LJ’s first love…but he became the boyfriend of Margot, LJ’s sister, and then they broke-up, Josh and Margot, leaving Josh free, but LJ didn’t want to get with him, because of reasons. She hooked-up with Pete instead…and the rest of the trilogy, (two and a half books, basically), are all about LJ and Pete…being together. They are being shoehorned together, sure, but-

But the same goes for the rest of romance novels, period. Teen or adult, it doesn’t matter – when it comes to characters, it all goes down very simple: character A meets character B, they fall in love and spend the rest of the novel getting there, whether you’re talking about Jenny Han or Nora Roberts; the devil’s in details, true, but the basic framework? It is the same. For those who love romance, Jenny Han’s novels, (both LJ trilogy and the others), should work; for those who want something more substantial, they will not. At least the LJ novels are driven only by plot, and the characters – especially the non-main characters – are secondary at best, little more than placeholders at worst. Josh was a main character in the first novel, (and he is probably going to be so in the movie too), but in the rest of the trilogy? He is barely even mentioned. Yes, he got himself a new girlfriend who was not related to the Song-Covey family, but his abrupt dismissal from the LJ world still kind of stings. Kitty – the youngest SC girl – actually addresses a point that Josh is not around anymore, and it goes down…about as well as the Apu controversy in the Simpsons-verse – it does not. As soon as characters stop being important to the LJ in love with Pete plot, they practically vanish and become ghosts for all that it matters. Ah well, how does the saying go? Don’t like it, don’t read? Sounds about right – Jenny Han’s novels – or at least the LJ trilogy – is sitting out there on bookshelves, as people do not read it. Maybe they will after the movie airs, but considering that the movie is already revealing itself to be very different from the books, it is not certain that it will be a good idea. For example, LJ novels are not very approving of sex in general and of casual sex in particular – the trailer has Mr. Song-Covey hand the movie LJ a set of rubbers – yes, that sort of rubbers. Ouch! This is a direct opposite of the novels’ atmosphere, of LJ’s character and of her father’s – but the movie does not care. This just might be a new ‘GG’ reboot in the making, or even – the PJ movies, which were denounced by Riordan personally, and that was the end of them – but that is another story.

In other movie-related news, SW9 will feature Carrie Fisher, or rather – the footage of Carrie Fisher as princess Leia. Her real-life family are apparently very happy/proud/positive etc., which is good, because if they weren’t, then the Disney-Lucasfilm merger behind the SW movies would’ve had a bigger problem from what they already had – but it was discussed earlier. There is still going to be controversy, as there was when they had done something similar in the SW ‘Rogue 1’ film, so why not? The mess that Disney-Lucasfilm merger found themselves in these days was discussed earlier too…

So, this is it for now – see you all soon!

Reverie, 'Despedida' - July 26

We are continuing to go our merry way with ‘Reverie’, as it reaches its’ 8^th episode, ‘Despedida’. This time, the AoS’ rip-off is Melinda May and her complex relationship with children; in the ‘Reverie’-verse she became Pilar, a woman who had sort of failed to save a group of girls back in her past, during Chile’s revolution (in 1973), and who has utilized the titular device to try and fix it – and fix it she does, with Mara’s help. What next?

…One of ‘Reverie’s’ flaws is not that it is influenced, cough, by AoS – it is not the first one to do so. ‘Blindspot’ did it, so’s ‘Quantico’ and DC’s LoT, but all of these shows are team-focused, literally speaking. There is no main character, unlike ‘Arrow’ or ‘Supergirl’ shows, for example, which do focus primarily on the titular main characters, at least to a point; everyone actually gets their ten minutes of fame, depending on an episode, whereas in ‘Reverie’, it was always about Mara, with the rest of the main characters always being in support roles. Some episodes – such as last week’s episode 1x07 – did try to change the dynamic, but not really; with just 10 episodes in the first season, the show’s cast and crew did not have too much room to maneuver, probably. This is not exactly a problem, more of an inconsistency; yes, from the common-sense-P.O.V., naming a show ‘Mara’ made it somehow less attractive than naming it ‘Reverie’; yet somehow this is still mostly a show about Mara, than about anything reverie-related.

Is it a problem? Not really; ‘Reverie’ is still in its’ first season; it might get better, or just change, in the following seasons, or it might get cancelled altogether, as ‘The Change’ did, (though ‘The Change’ ended after 2 seasons, rather than just one). Unlike ‘C&D’, there are no news of it being renewed for a S2, and somehow, this is not surprising – for all of its’ positive features, it just is not very good.

Anything else? ‘Quantico’ is ending after three seasons or so, sad. Rousey had her shark week special, which was really a personal promo piece for her badassery – she should probably see a shrink about how to make herself feel happy rather than harass sharks. She clearly has issues, and whatever she does, sharks or no sharks, it is not helping. Maybe it is time to see professional help instead? Who knows…

Facebook took a huge dive in stock, but, apparently, they had expected it, so they are not down for the count by a long shot. There are first photos of the actress who will be playing the titular character in Disney’s live action Kim Possible film, and people are already fighting over it. What a surprise. Life goes on as it usually does, i.e.

Well, this is it for now; see you all soon.

Shark Week begins - July 22

Obligatory disclaimer: I hate my life. A new caveat: I hate my family even more; I did not expect to hate anything more than my life, yet surprisingly, I do. We, in our family, do not get along with each other, and with everyone/anyone else,…this is something else, and it is personal, so I am not going to dwell very much on it… this time. In addition, speaking of lives… ‘Shark Week’ of the Discovery channel is beginning today…on the Discovery channel…and it is bringing celebrities – human celebrities, and this brings us back to life: do any of those people have it?

No, seriously, this year’s ‘Shark Week’ of Discovery is bringing us Bear Grylls, and Shaq, and Ronda Rousey – all people who are supposed to be really famous and monumental in the lives of the peons, and they are all appearing on Discovery channel, and- wait. Isn’t Discovery channel supposed to educate, rather than entertain…as opposed to TMZ or whatever?

Rewind? Last year, a famous athlete of a swimmer – whether Michael Phelps or someone else, I neither remember nor care, admittedly – appeared on ‘Shark Week’, where he raced…CGI’d sharks. Basically, this was a free promo for the bloke, but since I do not remember him appearing ever in anything in the last year, (we are talking about summer of 2017 here), I guess that it did not work out for him. Why do Bear Grylls, and Shaq, and Ronda Rousey think that it will work for them?

Well, when it comes Ronda Rousey we might be off to something here. Ever since her defeat in MMA (or whatever it is called), her life was never the same, in a sad way. These days she might be on WWF, but it is not the same, and as for her TV debut…

No, seriously, Ronda Rousey was on ‘Blindspot’, (yes, the same TV series that we are discussing on occasion here), at the end of S2…for about one or two episodes, and that was it. Considering that ‘Blindspot’ had worked her up in its promo videos, this was weird…in an AoS way. Unlike the other Marvel TV series, (even ‘InHumans’), AoS had to deal with actors that went more than came, and as a result the main actors and their characters got reshuffled to different roles very often, especially in the later seasons. Ronda Rousey’s aborted presence on ‘Blindspot’ brought the same feeling to ‘Blindspot’, especially S3, which might be one of the reasons why it was somewhat different from the previous seasons, and not exactly in a good way. Something went wrong for Ronda Rousey with ‘Blindspot’, so now she is trying her luck on ‘Shark Week’, alongside Shaq and Bear. Here’re kudos for them; Ronda, in particular, will be dealing with mako sharks, which is good, for they hunt fish rather than marine mammals, but also bull sharks, which is work – these sharks are generalists and are game for anything, at least once, so if Ronda isn’t careful or dealing with CGI, she will be risking her life for real – and is it worth the (potential) fame?

The flip side, of course, is that unlike TMZ, WWF and the like, the Discovery channel was supposed to educate, rather than entertain, so why there are celebrities? What next, the World Wrestling Federation doing a number of shows with real life sharks also? The line between education and entertainment is blurring on the Discovery channel, and that isn’t good: for a while, Impossible Pictures™, also did educational shows, but then they got into entertainment, and it was the beginning of their end, until BBC pulled the, out of their misery for good. Will the Discovery channel go down the same route? We will just have to wait and see.

This is it for this time; see you all soon!

Post-Shark Week rant

And so, Shark Week has come and gone, and all I can say is – fake. It’s, really, like the Animal Planet shows, like “Man-Eating Super Wolves” or whatever – deliberately fake information, pretending to be real. The only question is why.

I admit that unlike the AP shows Discovery has tried to make its shark week specials both entertaining and educational, but what it did instead was irritate various scientists who were quote mined by the shows, or downright tricked, etc. True, there was a certain catch-22 (or something similar) factor as well: the shows (and Discovery?) needed rich sponsors, but these sponsors wanted to sponsor something, well, respectable, and so Shark Week shows had to be both educational and entertaining...only they hadn’t.

Seriously, they could have just made them educational; showing, for example, how hammerhead sharks get measured up in the wild, live, is already very exciting – but instead Discovery made this a part of a program that mainly talks about a giant and mythical hammerhead, called “Old Hitler” and “The Harbourmaster”. This is simply wrong.

Firstly, and mainly, hammerhead sharks are less dangerous to humans than great white, bull and tiger sharks. Their particular head shape makes them better hunters on the sea floor, but less so in the open ocean (unlike the tiger sharks, say), and thus makes them less likely to encounter humans, even scientists and fishermen, live. 

And also, “Old Hitler”? Seriously? The chancellor of the Third Reich was a piece of shit accountable for 6+ years of blood, smoke and tears – much more than any shark, regardless of size, ever did. To name any animal (even fish) after him is just wrong. Also – rather dumb. Yes, you can give various animals human names, but they are not really their names, but names that people give them for their own convenience. If animals do have names that they give to each other, they probably do not sound very human...

Getting back on track, if you discount their latest mocumentary about the megalodon, Shark Week at least has tried to be somewhat scientific; its’ AP counterparts, like the before-mentioned “Man-Eating Super Wolves” did not. It even admitted that in the disclaimer, making one wonder why did it was made and aired at all? In the decades past, AP was educational, if somewhat naive (just look at the old episodes of “Wild Kingdom”), now it’s either pure make-believe (like the “Lost Tapes” series), something reminiscent of “Urban Tarzan” from Spike, albeit less staged, or something like “The Pool Master”, which isn’t about animals at all – and since the channel is called, well, Animal Planet, it makes one wonder why is “The Pool Master” aired there at all. At least “Too Cute” or “Pit Bulls and Parolees” have some animals in them, for example... But “Man-Eating Super Wolves” is fake, just as much as of the transformations in the latest “Scooby-Doo” movie are. At least “Scooby-Doo”, the hound that just does not die, is just a cartoon and does not pretend to be anything else. “Super Wolves” pretend to be real...

 

And so, in conclusion, I am forced to admit: Discovery channel has deteriorated somewhat in quality of the shows, but it is still far ahead in the same quality ‘field’ as compared to Animal Planet.

Upcoming 'Shark week' rant

And so, once again, Shark week is almost upon us in Canada. Hooray! Sharks, after all, are magnificent and powerful creatures, alpha predators of the oceans, just as big cats or bears are on land, and crocodiles and alligators are in fresh water.

Sharks are very varying creatures. For example, both the whale shark and the basking shark are filter feeders, but whereas the basking shark just swims around with an open mouth, with the water flowing in and out (through the gills), the whale shark actively pumps the plankton-filled liquid and in general is a more active fish among the two. The megamouth shark, which is also a filter feeder, does its own thing by actively feeding on plankton at night, when its competition (including the baleen whales) is asleep. 

The carnivorous sharks, of course, are an even more diverse group. The great white shark is Jaws, one of the most powerful denizens of the ocean; only the killer whale (and perhaps the sperm whale) can defeat it. The bull shark is smaller, but still very solidly built, and is one of the few fish that can live both in fresh and salt water. The sand tiger shark (no relation to the actual tiger shark) and the blue shark, on the other hand, are graceful inhabitants of the open waters, specializing in catch fish, not warm-blooded mammals and birds, as the great white shark does – and the list goes on.

Some of the sharks are downright bizarre – the aforementioned thresher shark with its remarkable tail; the hammerhead shark with its head; the sawnose shark which is similar to the better-known sawfish because it also has a saw on its nose – etc. All of these features make sharks stars of the ocean world – and of the Shark week that will be airing on the Discovery channel starting from August 10. 

Sadly, there is a rather big fly in the ointment, and it is called “Megalodon: The New Evidence”. It is a sequel to the previous mocumentary, “Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives”. That particular film played with the concept of Megalodon surviving in modern times, feeding on such animals as the humpback whales...and for a while it led many people astray, by making them think that this was a real documentary instead.

Now, in part this is his or her own fault – one should not be so gullible about what one sees on TV or the Internet...never mind. I need to go a make an appointment with my vet about the health of my unicorn that I have bought on EBay. That is an old story. The thing is that Discovery channel generally airs documentary films and series, which are based in real life; even on such specials as Shark week what we usually see are documentaries; the Megalodon duology (and before that – the duology about the mermaids) are not – they’re fiction, just like the Sharknado or the Mega-Shark films are.

Now, Discovery channel currently does not have it as bad as the Animal Planet, by comparison; they still do not regularly air such tripe as “Man-Eating Super Wolves” or “Zombie Cats”, etc. But this is a disturbing tendency all the same.

If we are talking about sharks, what about Megalodon itself? Can it still be real? No. Sharks do not readily leave remains, other than their teeth and the occasional backbone vertebra, but their teeth quite take up the slack, and people find them very often. Megalodon teeth in this case take a very specific position: they are fossilized, not fresh. There are no fresh Megalodon teeth, which means – that there are no live Megalodon sharks living in modern oceans. Giant sharks, on the other hand, are a different story – in general, cold-blooded animals tend to grow throughout their lives, and great white sharks, in particular, can reach 3, or even 4.5 m in length: still smaller than Megalodon was, but far bigger than a human is. This is more than enough to fill-in Megalodon’s econiche.

And what econiche is that? That of a mega-predator, of course. Megalodon was the biggest shark of all times, of course, but it was also a part of the mega-fauna of the previous Cenozoic epochs. During that time, most animals were larger than their current relatives are, and the same goes for the sharks.

Speaking of relatives, there is some speculation that Megalodon might be related to the mako sharks. While the great white shark evolved into a powerhouse, the mako (two species) evolved into the aquatic analogue of the cheetah (sort of) – it is the only fish fast enough to catch and kill the legendary swordfish. Real life being what it is, however, sometimes the swordfish is the one who comes on top and dead or dying mako sharks were found, with pieces of the swordfish’s sword still in them – but that’s not the point. The point is that some scientists believe that Megalodon was more closely related to the mako than to the great white, and others – that the mako is the close relative of the great white, and Megalodon is related to neither, and if we don’t even fully know to whom Megalodon was related to, then how do we know what it looked like? Any depiction of the Megalodon is fully speculative, period – maybe it looked like a giant bull shark instead, who knows...

Back to the econiche. The great white shark has taken over Megalodon’s place – to a point: it still does not attack and eat whales. But it does not need to – the killer whale does it instead. Smarter and more social than any shark, even the great white, the killer whale does an admirable job of killing baleen whales, sharks, giant squid and other denizens of the oceans. Not bad for a relative newcomer to Earth – just like humans, the killer whale is very much a modern animal.

The shark, on the other hand, is very old – they have been around roughly since the Devonian, over 300 million years ago in the past, and they were able to handle everything that the Earth, and the universe, threw at them. Lately, this includes humans, who kill many more sharks than sharks kill people. To paraphrase Josef Augusta, a famous paleontologist, ‘the hunter man of the Pleistocene had little impact on nature, unlike the gatherer man of the Holocene’. These are true words, and hopefully, the upcoming Shark week shall discuss them as well.

End