DnD Skeletal monsters - Dec 18

 Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, and Pathfinder lately does not fare much better…

First, however, a couple of asides. First, the ‘Quiz Lady’ movie. It is vapid. I am not the biggest fan of Awkwafina or of Sandra Oh, but this movie just wastes them and everyone else involved in it: the movie does not go anywhere, there are no real stakes in it, no anything, and it is pointedly aromantic. There is nothing wrong with aromantic films in theory, but in practice, they tend to be forgotten quite quickly, such as another Netflix film, ‘Over the Moon’, which also starred Sandra Oh… as a voice actress because it was an animated film, but again – it was child-friendly in an aromantic way, and so it became quickly forgotten.

On other hand, there is the upcoming ‘Snow White’ Disney remake, which just might be forgotten for the better: Ms. Z’s statements have done more harm than good, and the remake itself seems to be problematic. Of course, there is also a question as to why does Disney needed to remake ‘Snow White’, but the answer is obvious: its’ new movies, such as ‘Wish’ or ‘Strange World’, are just as aromantic, vapid and forgettable as ‘Quiz Lady’ or ‘Over the Moon’ are, so Disney is in the same boat as Netflix is.

This, oddly, brings us over to ‘Pathfinder’. This RPG franchise is handling its’ transference to the second edition… not very well: their paladin class got remade completely, as was their cleric, and now they are going on with their layout – no ‘bestiaries’ (monster manuals) and etc. This is their call, of course, but our crew are keeping away from this franchise now, it just is not comfortable for us any longer.

Meanwhile, their wiki has introduced the ‘article of the week’ concept… several weeks ago. It is not a bad idea, in fact, and this week’s article is the skeleton’s monster entry. Now, again, we are largely done with Pathfinder, but you can find the skeleton monster entry in the original D&D Monster Manual 3.5 edition, and this is exactly what we will be doing in this entry: giving you several skeleton variants of opponents.

First up, is a straightforward ‘monster’ with the skeleton template – the leopard, (selected by a random generator):

Advanced skeleton leopard: CR 2; Medium undead; HD 5d12; hp 72; Init +4; Spd 30 ft., climb 10 ft.; AC 17, touch 14, flat-footed 11; Base Atk +4; Grp +7; Atk +7 melee (1d6+4, bite) and +1 melee (1d4+2, 2 claws); Space/Reach 5 ft./5 ft.; SA Improved grab, pounce, rake 1d3+1; SQ Damage reduction 5/bludgeoning, immunity (cold), low-light vision, scent; AL NE; SV Fort +5, Ref +7, Will +2; Str 20, Dex 17, Con 0, Int 0, Wis 10, Cha 1.

Skills and Feats: Improved Initiative.

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a leopard must hit with its bite attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it wins the grapple check, it establishes a hold and can rake.

Pounce (Ex): If a leopard charges a foe, it can make a full attack, including two rake attacks.

Rake (Ex): Attack bonus +6 melee, damage 1d3+1.

Skills: Leopards have a +8 racial bonus on Jump checks and a +4 racial bonus on Hide and Move Silently checks. Leopards have a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks. A leopard can always choose to take 10 on a Climb check, even if rushed or threatened. In areas of tall grass or heavy undergrowth, the Hide bonus improves to +8.

Right. Next up, is a medium-level ranger NPC, who has a bone creature (from the ‘Book of Vile Darknes’) template:

 

Maia Josia, female human ranger 10: Medium undead; HD 10d12; hp 69; Init +7; Spd 20 ft.; AC 19, touch 22, flat-footed 11; Base Atk +10; Grp +15; Atk +13 melee (1d6+6/19-20/x2, +1 short sword) and +8 melee (1d6+3/x3, shortspear) or +13 melee (1d4+6, 2 claws); Space/Reach 5 f./5 ft.; SA Combat style/improved combat style (two-weapon fighting), favored enemy +6 (animals), favored enemy +4 (humanoids), favored enemy +2 (magical beasts), spells; SQ Animal companion (none), damage reduction 5/magic, darkvision 60 ft., evasion, immunity (cold), swift tracker, undead traits, wild empathy +3, woodland stride; AL LE; SV Fort +8, Ref +11, Will +4; Str 17, Dex 21 (25), Con 0, Int 13, Wis 12, Cha 8.

Skills and Feats: Concentration +12, Craft (pottery) +9, Craft (weaponsmithing) +14, Craft (woodworking) +9, Handle Animal +12, Hide +12, Knowledge (nature) +14, Listen +1, Move Silently +20, Search +12, Spot +1, Survival +16; Combat Reflexes, Deceitful, Dodge, Endurance (B), Improved Initiative, Improved Two-Weapon Fighting (B), Self Sufficient, Track (B), Two-Weapon Fighting (B), Weapon Finesse (short sword) (B).

Spells Known (2/1; save DC 12 + spell level): 1st - alarm, calm animals; 2nd - barkskin.

Possessions: +1 studded leather, +1 short sword, masterwork shortspear, notebook, spare clothing, obsidian chunks in a bag, spell components, flint and tinder, bedroll, food and water supplies, bull's-eye lantern, other equipment, gloves of Dexterity +2, domain icon, 6200 gp.

And finally, here’s a mature adult black dragon with a skeletal dragon template, (from the 3.5 edition of ‘Draconomicon’):

Female mature adult black dragon; CR 7; Huge undead (water); HD 22d12+22, hp 150; Init +0; Spd 60 ft.; AC 25, touch 4, flat-footed 25; Base Atk +28; Grp +38; Atk +28 melee (2d8+8, bite), +23 melee (2d6+4, 2 claws), +23 melee (1d8+4, 2 wings), +23 melee (2d6+12, tail slap); Space/Reach 15 ft./10 ft. (15 ft. with bite); SA Crush, frightful presence; SQ Blindsense 60 ft., damage reduction 10/magic and 5/bludgeoning, darkvision 120 ft., immunities (acid, cold, sleep, and paralysis), low-light vision, spell resistance 23, undead traits; AL CE; SV Fort +18, Ref +13, Will +15; Str 27, Dex 10, Con 0, Int 0, Wis 10, Cha 14.

Skills and Feats: Improved Initiative.

Crush (Ex): Area 15 ft. by 15 ft.; Small or smaller opponents take 2d8+12 points of bludgeoning damage, and must succeed on a DC 26 Reflex save or be pinned.

Frightful Presence (Ex): 210-ft. radius, HD 21 or fewer, Will DC 23 negates.

 

Well, this is all for now, we are all out of appropriate skeletal monsters. We do hope that you will enjoy using them in your campaigns, however. For now, though, this is it. See you all soon, instead!

 

Quarantine entry #63 - May 23

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Just look at the grey wolf – one day it is a part of the native ecosystem, the next – they are villains in the script written by the Europeans and their North American descendants, and right now, the wolves are still very much in the grey, pardon the intended pun. What next?

…So, ‘The Lovebirds’. Now that they were released, we can talk about them, and what can be said about this movie? …It is inane. Pause.

Now, here is the thing. ‘The Wrong Missy’ was just… wrong. It is politically deaf, probably not very correct either, and outright grating, even if you keep ‘me too’ issues out of the bracket. ‘The Lovebirds’ aren’t anywhere as extreme – they’re a direct spoof of the various mystery/action movies, just as the ‘Spies in Disguise’ 2019 film was a parody of the spies movies, and ‘Onward’ (2020) – of various fantasy films. Pause.

…Yes, this is already a mixed bag, as ‘Onward’ seems to be a rather more popular film than the ‘Spies’ were, but both of them are rather forgettable – you watch them once or twice and move on. And ‘The Lovebirds’?

‘The Lovebirds’ are birds of a feather, even if they are live-action rather CGI. Featuring an interracial couple, (real life says ‘how cute!’), who were drifting apart but now they have to work together or they are doomed, this movie aimed to entertain and amuse – nothing more. The titular characters half-wander and half-blunder from one episode to the next, and you are left exasperated – why are you rooting for them?

…To be certain, are not as bad as ‘The Wrong Missy’, ‘Doolittle-2020’, let alone ‘Cats-2019’. It just isn’t truly good either – at best it is light-hearted comedy, at worst, it is inane, with more style than substance, and that style isn’t very everyone, you know?..

On the other hand, given how real life sucks, how its’ narrative is so poorly written lately, maybe this sort of comedy is what we all require right now; for those, who want something different, PBS is released its’ own nature mini-series, based on its ‘Spy in the wild’ series, i.e. a nature documentary, and does this bring us back to the natural world?

…On the other-other hand, NG will present ‘Barkskins’, a TV series adaptation of the 2016 novel with the same title, of life in New France, aka the French colony in what has now become Canada. I admit that I’m of mixed feelings here – such adaptations tend to be a mixed bag depending on way too many variables… but it is certainly something different from the aforementioned ‘Lovebirds’ and co., who aren’t bad, just forgettable. (Unlike, say, a scolopendra centipede). Anything more?

I admit that I wanted to talk about turtles once again today. As probably the oldest reptiles of the modern world, they are fascinating creatures, and endangered ones, as humans have fed on them and their eggs to near-extinction; actually, some species – the biggest ones – have become extinct for real, and the smaller tortoises are also in trouble due to the exotic pet trade.

…Yes, I know – we have discussed this – how the terms ‘turtle’, ‘tortoise’ and ‘terrapin’ are interchangeable… to a limit. When I was young and went to an animal-lovers’ club for a couple of years, we had a lot of terrestrial tortoises, and a single terrapin, (I do not know the species), in an aquarium/terrarium combo. The two reptiles looked quite different – the terrapin’s shell was much smoother, much more hydrodynamic, and it was not released from its’ enclosure anywhere as often as its’ terrestrial cousins did. Ah, the nostalgia of the past!..

…For the present, though, this is it. See you all soon!

Quarantine entry #62 - May 22

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. On top of everything else, my summer allergies are beginning to act up, and no one needs that, believe me! So, let us turn away from the reality – given that lately a Pakistani plane has crashed, with 100 people on board or so, no one needs more reality news, I am afraid – and turn to… Netflix.

No, we are not talking yet about ‘The Lovebirds’ – let’s talk about ‘The Wrong Missy’ instead. Supposedly, it is the ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ movie, but without the good aspects. Some other people have compared it to ‘Shallow Hal’ – pause.

Here is the thing. ‘Shallow Hal’ was not as politically correct as the modern movies may be, but neither is ‘The Wrong Missy’. Moreover, out of the two films, ‘The Wrong Missy’ is the more jarring one out of the two. The humor is crude, the titular character – played by Ms. Lapkus – is especially crude, and the male lead is lukewarm, to say the least. Pause.

…Does anyone think that it is wrong or even odd, that a 30-year-old female lead is playing across a male lead who is in his 50s? No? Carry on. The male leading character is a bland milquetoast bitch who has no defining features at all, (especially in the first part of the movie), so why did ‘The Wrong Missy’ latch onto him? Is she a desperate ‘unmarried woman’? Ha-ha, my splitting sides, guess we’re done with the entire ‘me too’ and the rest of the ‘girl power’ topics for now, now that Hillary is done and gone, and the Donald wasn’t too affected by all the parades, protests, and what else you can you the letter p for.

…Back in the movie, we got ‘The Wrong Missy’, who clearly has many issues that she should take care, but obviously, she never does, and so she comes across as a woman with a lot of issues and a low self-esteem… that she buries under a busload – or a boatload, use whichever measure is bigger – of crazy and so she proceeds to drive most of people away from her, leaving ‘The Wrong Missy’ in company of such people as the male lead, who is simply emasculated in a political correctness manner done wrong. The man is clearly a moron – he hated his first date with the titular heroine, so why did he even kept her number? What, was the erasure of it some sort of defiance in face of the relative who would set him up with ‘The Wrong Missy’ and we couldn’t have that, because reasons? 

…For the most part of ‘The Wrong Missy’, the titular character is more obnoxious than sympathetic, and you almost feel sorry for the male lead, but you know what? He asked for this himself by keeping the titular heroine’s numbers, and so he got to reap it all, the good and the bad; good riddance to bad rubbish and sorry for Ms. Lapkus to star in such a tire fire of a film. Anything else?

…’The Lovebirds’ are a somewhat different movie, and we will talk about them some other time; right now, I want to talk about the sloths. No, not the cardinal sin in question, but the tree-dwelling mammals that are named after it, I reckon. The sloths are not exactly living by human standards, but their life pace is slow, even if you compare them to the non-human animals instead. Ergo, so what?

Well, the truth is that apparently the two groups of sloths are not very closely related at all. The three-toed sloths, (four species), are some of the ancient sloths, (alive and extinct), while the two-toed sloths, (two species), are some of the more modern ones, much more closely related to such extinct ground sloths as Megatherium, (featured in the 5^th episodes of ‘Walking with Beasts’), and Nothronychus, (aka the Shasta ground sloth in the 2^nd episode of ‘Wild New World’).  

…The Megatherium deserves a mention here also because just like the currently extinct giant, though yes, there’s a possibility that it’d survived in South America, giving rise to the legends about the Mapinguari, but I’m not certain – the latter seems to fluctuate from a realistic cryptid to an outright fairy tale ogre, with everything in-between… but that isn’t the point, the point is that just like the Megatherium, the two-toed sloths are more omnivorous: while the three-toed sloths are strict herbivores, the two-toed sloths eat some animal matter as well. Isn’t nature weird and grand?

…Well, this is it for now, though – see you all soon instead!

JW: Motion comics part 3 - Dec 13

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, so sometimes when you go online and find a really great story that helps you get through the day – then you are quite lucky. And sometimes you go online and see the next installment of JW’s online motion comic, and that is something else. So, let us talk about it.

…Well, first let us make a shout-out to Netflix’s upcoming ‘The Witcher’ series. It is shaping up to be the next GoT series and rightly so, because it’s author, Mr. Sapkowski, had written the original ‘Witcher’ as a series of books, not unlike Martin’s ASOIAF series, but with some differences: for one thing, the first book (or two) of ‘Witcher’ are more like series of stories and novellas rather than proper novels. For another – Sapkowski has actually finished his ‘Witcher’ series, while Martin’s ASOIAF, (which separate from HBO’s GoT, FYI), remain unfinished, for all sorts of reasons, but still unfinished.

…Will I be watching Netflix’s version of ‘Witcher’? Having actually read the original novels, I’ll probably pass – yes, the goal isn’t unlike that of Martin’s ASOIAF, or the ‘Jupiter Ascending’ film that’d come up to the movie screens few years before now, (i.e. before 2019) – it’s a space/fantasy opera, full of swords and sorceries and politics and plots. There are actual monsters – ghouls, vampires, sirens/mermaids, etc. There are dwarves and gnomes and elves. It is everything that a fantasy fan wants, but you can only read the entire series once before having enough – it will stoke the fires of your inner fan for months to come. That said, I want to point out that the word ‘Witcher’ is nonsense: Sapkowski’s own word for it is ‘wiedzsmin’ or something similar, (I don’t know the Polish language all that well), which roughly means ‘man-witch’ or ‘witch of a male gender’ in other languages, and in English language specifically, there are several words that also have similar meanings, words such as ‘sorcerer’ and ‘warlock’; J-Ro has actually used the latter in her ‘Tales of Beedle the Bard’ story anthology, remember? …Probably not, since between ‘the Cursed Child’ and the current Newt Scamander series J-Ro has really muddled her own fandom, but it is there. Why did the English language adaptations of Sapkowski’s series had to create the word ‘Witcher’ and the good old ‘warlock’ could not serve is anyone’s guess. Human logic is one of those reasons as to why real life sucks.

And why does real life suck in this instance? For personal reasons – sometimes your life just changes for the worse and you cannot do anything about it, no matter how much you struggle to figure out a way out – but we digress. In other news, Weinstein – Harvey Weinstein – paid 25 million to get the charges dropped and be a free man – so much for #MeToo, put otherwise.

Listen. Back in 2016+, the whole damn process was supposedly precisely aimed at this sort of thing – for men in power not to be able to buy their way out of their crimes… but this is exactly what Weinstein seems to be achieving… so it all comes back to money. Not surprising – post Cold War, the U.S. philosophy was increasingly dominated by capitalism and it was all about the money, so now that the country is trying to distance itself from the all-mighty dollar – it does not work. It does not work for several reasons, including the one that is that from the 1990s onwards the U.S. increasingly tried to be a utopia and it failed for all sorts of other reasons, but regardless, money and the money cult do not make things any better either. ‘Frozen 2’ is a typical example of that… but we have talked about this movie already. Let us try to talk about the latest installment of JW’s motion comic, as we promised.

…Okay, here we got no money or philosophy, but a direct continuation of the first two parts; it even features Rebecca Ryan the news’ anchor and her nameless husband as well more new characters. Two of those characters are zoo workers – an Afro-American woman named Rachel, (yes, JW seems to have a problem with names that start with the letter R for some reason) and her Anglo-American co-worker, (of male gender), while the third is a journalist reporting to Rebecca, named Julie. Again, by utilizing the motion comic format, JW avoids from giving any characterization to any of its’ human characters at all, and as for the non-human characters…

…As for the non-human characters, this week’s motion comic featured that good old favorite, Rexy the T-Rex. Here, the motion comic picked up where the last JW film ended, (among other things): Rexy confronted Leo the lion at a zoo, and here we get to see what happened next. Nothing much, sadly: Rexy and Leo roared at each other some, and then human-piloted helicopters arrived and led Rexy off into some ravine. Kind of a letdown, especially since Leo was not backing down from a fight: the keepers may have been able to take wives and cubs to safety, but not him, as you can see in the motion comic. Maybe in the future installment he and Rexy will be able to have their final face-off? That would not be bad, especially since the actual franchise was never against blood and death, until now…

…Here I am talking about the pteranodon. The motion comic itself is confused as to how to call them: it calls them both ‘pteranodon’ (as a plural) and ‘pteranodons’ (ditto) within a couple of sentences, so let’s call them pterosaurs instead. In the motion comic, Rebecca wonders if they’re the same pterosaurs that were seen at lake Mead, and then one of them picks up some random guy off the street and drops him into a fountain, (so the shmuck probably survives this fall), and that’s problematic on so many levels.

Firstly, the lake. In the U.S., there is a lake Meade, which is located in Pennsylvania, and is not a lake, but an ‘unincorporated census-designated place’, whatever that means in normal English, and second, there is a Lake Mead, which is a lake, albeit an artificial one, which lies on the Colorado River. Which one was talked about in the motion comic is anyone’s guess.

Next, the pterosaurs themselves. The truth is that Crichton never wrote about pteranodons – his pterosaur species was the Cearodactylus, a flying reptile that looked more like the ornithocheirus from the 4^th episode of ‘Walking with Dinosaurs’ (1999) – no horn on the head, and the jaws aren’t a toothless beak, but have teeth that function like a fish trap and a keel-like ridge as well. Why the franchise decided to replace them with the pteranodons onwards from ‘The Lost World’ film if not from the original JP one – is anyone’s guess, but by now the pteranodon are firmly a part of the JP franchise. Live with it.

…Living with the fact that the entire JP franchise, starting from the already mentioned ‘Lost World’ film depicted its pterosaurs bipedal like birds at least some of the time is harder. People know that on the ground pterosaurs moved on all fours like bats rather than just on their hind legs as birds do: just look at Hatzegopteryx in the final episode of ‘Planet Dinosaur’ (2011): the show showed scientific proof that on the ground those aerial monsters moved on all fours. So why are JP pterosaurs bipedal? Let us blame Dr. Wu, I guess.

Finally, the matter of size. Pteranodon was one of the bigger pterosaurs back in the 20^th century, (maybe even the biggest back then), but now Quatzalcoatlus and Hatzegopteryx shadow it: Pteranodon has only a 9-m wingspan; theirs was much bigger and they were even larger than the pteranodon was. So how did this flying reptile became so much larger than a human as shown in this motion comic, (not in any of the movies, mind)? Again, it is probably the fault of good doctor, so let us move on to the final part of this discussion:

I.e. on one hand, this motion comic is not so bad, the plot is fairly straightforward and the characters are consistent. On the other, the plot is also unsatisfying and tries to have it both ways: there are scary monsters, (I am sorry, but a T-Rex is certainly a monster, albeit a real life one), but also – that no one gets hurt.

Yes, this is the sort of ambiguity that has haunted the Western movies lately, ever since Rose Tico mentioned about defeating the First Order with love, not with violence. This is not how it works; this is not how it worked in the original trilogy, it was more of a ‘speak softly but stand-up for your principles’ instead, so Rosie, you got it all wrong. Still, the SW9 film is almost upon us, so it will be interesting to see as to how team Resistance co. defeats Palpatine and etc. Real life may suck, but often there are movies (and the like) to carry us through…

This is it for now, however – see you all soon.

Kings of Pain 2 - Dec 11

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks and your family does its’ best to make you feel worse. You cannot escape them, not really, and certainly not legally, and if you aren’t ready to cross the legal lines, you are in trouble, and if you are-? Then you are ready to spread your trouble to your immediate vicinity and beyond because you are that badass, (but in a bad way, so do not get too cocky). …And so I tried to escape into the realm of TV for some sweet release, and what do I find there? ‘Kings of Pain’.

Now, I have been talking about them in passing in our last few entries, but I tried to avoid talking about them directly, because there were, and are, better topics to talk about; this time though there aren’t any. Oh, sure, there are also the news that the Marvel TV as such is being assimilated into the greater MCU, but this was in the cards all along: FOX mutant TV shows and FOX itself – cancelled/concluded/assimilated. Netflix TV series – cancelled or finished. AoS – finished in summer 2020. C&D – cancelled. Runaways – finished this winter, (2019/2020). And then there were none, and Disney+ is coming out soon, so any outsiders shall be dealt with accordingly. Yes, Sony showed that Disney/Marvel juggernaut is not so tough. Yes, until Netflix’s rights expire properly and for real, (we’re talking about the Defenders here), Disney/Marvel isn’t about to use any of them in its’ movies, TV shows, and so on, lest there be a copyright conflict issue. Quite a while back, Lionsgate made an animated ‘Planet Hulk’ film, and so we got ‘Thor: Ragnarok’ film the way we got. Disney/Marvel isn’t quite as badass as it appears to be, but it’s close enough, the end.

…Not that DC is much better – remember the Maxwell Lord situation that we have mentioned earlier? That is typical for DC, however – the ‘Arrow-verse’ is tight, and nothing else in DC-verse is. What does it have to do with ‘Kings of Pain’?

Here’s what: just as Disney has clamped down tight on its’ YouTube aspects – ‘Mulan’ barely got any discussion, and what did occur was carefully controlled and positive – so has ‘Kings of Pain’ stopped appearing on YouTube at all, even on the official YouTube channel of History TV. Why?

…Before we get into it, let us give a dishonorable mention to NatGeo, and not just because its’ website is now a paysite. Aside from the online paysite, NatGeo has two other main sources of sharing its’ info: the magazine, (which is always available on the site, of course), which is available as a corporeal, paper magazine, (duh!), and also on the YouTube channel – as videos. Actually, there are several connected YouTube channels that are property of the NatGeo brand, but…

…But now that the mothersite of NatGeo is a paysite, NatGeo releases its’ videos on its’ YouTube channel very rarely and very sparingly and they are only clips from its’ various shows now – no news. You get only what you pay – how commercial. They are not about to share much freely, but neither are they about to abandon this venture either.

Why is NatGeo’s YouTube info free? Hard to say. Various movies, TV series, etc., are for cash only on YouTube, but not short episode clips – just look at BBC Earth YouTube channel, for example. Video clips that are under 5-10 minutes are free, and apparently, NatGeo has to follow this rule slash guideline as well. Therefore, it does, and it does so by releasing only a couple of clips per week at most – yay. No.

How does the History channel compare to this sort of thing? Just like the BBC TV family on YouTube, it reveals plenty of episode clips from its’ shows on its channel – the full episodes are available on the History website where you need to sign-in, join-in, etc. Fair enough, but lately there are no episode clips of ‘Kings of Pain’ on YouTube, only full episodes on the History website proper. Why? Does the team of the History channel consider this show so good? Let me give you a hint: they are not.

…On this week’s episode, ‘Kings of Pain’ dealt, first, with the toe biter, aka a giant water bug. Note the ‘bug’ in its’ name – this is important, because the leads of ‘Kings’ called it a ‘beetle’ repeatedly on the show instead. ‘Bugs’ aren’t ‘beetles’: the two groups of insects are separate and distinct as much as – cats and squirrels, for example.

How you differentiate beetles from bugs? Beetles have two pairs of wings. The hind pair of wings is membranous and transparent and is used by beetles for flight. There are flightless beetles, of course, but they still have front pair of wings that are more properly called the elytra and aren’t wings at all, but hard covers that protect the vulnerable hind pair of wings and the soft abdomen of the beetles.

Bugs also have the membranous hind pair of wings and they too can fly, and they also have the elytra, but their elytra is only partial, it only covers part of the hind wings and of the abdomen, giving bugs a very different appearance from the beetles.

The second main difference of true bugs from true beetles is that all of bugs have a proboscis – a sharp syringe with which they stab their food, liquefy from the inside and sap it up. Beetles, conversely, usually have jaws called mandibles and they chew their food up – but they are a very varied group, and some beetles have adapted to eat liquid food also – we are talking about the stag beetles and their kin, so this method of separating true beetles from true bugs is not as reliable as the first one.

…And then we have the Wikipedia that already has done the hard stuff and you can always look it up to see just what you are dealing with, broadly speaking. Team ‘Kings of Pain’ did it – in this episode, they also list a number of lay names for the giant water bugs aside from the primary toe biter moniker that they clearly got from the Wiki – so why did they insist on calling this insect a ‘beetle’? Giant water bugs are no more beetles than cats are squirrels, you know!

…My money is on the show itself – it has its’ good aspects still, but so did AoS, and on ‘Kings of Pain’ we may be dealing with an AoS level of bad. The main leads seem to be decisively unenthusiastic when working with each other, they have no chemistry, and sometimes they appear to honestly hate each other sometimes, or at least – not like each other very much. Sometimes their banter does seem natural, but this isn’t enough to save the show entirely, so why the apparent VIP treatment by team History? Because they consider the new show to be that good, (it isn’t), or that bad, (it just may be)? Everyone can draw his or her own conclusion.

…The other animal featured on this week’s episode was the scorpionfish and that came with its’ own problem. You see, the term ‘scorpionfish’ applies to a very large family of fishes, scientifically known as Scorpaenidae. The lionfish, which appeared in an earlier episode and was referenced here, is actually a lay name for a fish genus named Pterois: it includes several fish species and is a part of the Scorpaenidae family, aka the scorpionfish. This particular ‘scorpionfish’ featured on ‘Kings of Pain’ didn’t look anything like a lionfish, but there are several genera of ‘scorpionfish’ that resemble each other very closely, (which is why the scientific names of their genera sound similarly), so it’s hard to figure out just what species of ‘scorpionfish’ ‘Kings of Pain’ used in their show. Of course, in the wild the scorpionfish live mostly in Indo-Pacific, which is nowhere near Baja California where this episode supposedly took place at, but not exclusively so, as the wild lionfish do, so let’s give ‘Kings’ the benefit of doubt on this one and call it a day.

Anything else? Well, Boris Johnson, who is the U.K.’s PM (for now, but still), had hid in his fridge to avoid an interview on live TV – nice. It is because of actions such as this one Ms. Greta Thunberg became TIME magazine’s person of the year… but we have already mentioned that real life sucks, so let us call this an end for this rant.

…Ergo, this is it for now, so see you all soon!

Lady & Tramp 2019 - Nov 12

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. In the ‘Canadian’ edition, this was demonstrated by Don Cherry, who was fired after he was carried away and said some distinctively politically incorrect & unsanctioned statements on the sports’ channel.

Here are the facts: as far as I can remember, Mr. Cherry was spouting this anti-immigrant bull-crap since the 1990s, and no one did anything about him. That said, under Mr. Trudeau’s leadership, the Canadian government changed its’ views on immigration, especially that of POCs, but there are plenty of Europeans also still coming to Canada, i.e. Ukrainians and the like. As the numbers of ‘new’ immigrants and their immediate descendants continues to grow and to accumulate, Mr. Cherry’s statements grow increasingly politically tone-deaf, and so he was given the old heave-ho, aka the boot. Will he be missed? I have no idea, but aside from his ‘political deafness’ the fact is that a sports’ channel isn’t the most appropriate place to discuss socio-political issues that aren’t related to sports at all, either.

No, seriously, Mr. Cherry did not even try to pretend that his rant is sports-related – he just vented his spleen, his own personal opinion, on his job. Seriously, man – get an online blog and do just that, rather than confuse it with your work. No wonder than he got fired – he is either politically incorrect and unprofessional, or old and marasmatic, (chronologically and biologically speaking). People are trying to pretend that this is an end of an epoch, but in reality, it is anything but – merely an old man, who either took his privilege too far, or who had simply lost ‘it’. Onwards to the TV shows?

…No, let us talk about a Disney+ movie – the 2019 remake of ‘Lady and the Tramp’. Unlike TLK-2019, Disney did not put this remake into theaters, but rather – into its’ own new and personal streaming service, aka Disney+. Yay?

Well, certainly ‘yay’ on a certain level – on some level, L&T-2019 is better than TLK-2019, in no small part because it does use real-life animals, (at least some times), and only adds CGI-facial features to them when it is necessary, rather than uses precise and accurate, (realistically authentic?) CGI models as they did in TLK-2019.

Of course, the difference is understandable: proportionally, domestic dogs, (used in L&T-2019) are much more trainable than the African lions and similar animals are, but regardless, it kind of makes TLK-2019 even more redundant, unnecessary and etc., when compared to L&T-2019 – honestly, what was Disney trying to prove with it? When ‘Dumbo’ was remade, for example, it was really remade – we’re talking about a different movie entirely from the old one, (which was good, because the original ‘Dumbo’ didn’t age well at all – just as Canada’s Don Cherry didn’t), whereas TLK-2019 wasn’t, not really: it was the same movie just with some cosmetic changes.

True, you can say the same thing about L&T-2019 – it is the same movie that was made in the 20^th century, but with some cosmetic changes – i.e., in the original film, it were some live beavers (from a zoo) that freed Lady from her muzzle, whereas in the 2019 version, it is a beaver statue in the park; or in case of the cats, in the original film, they were Siamese, (and also racial stereotypes, let’s be honest), while in 2019 they’re more like hairless Sphinxes, or some similar breed, (still creepy as Hell though), instead. Disney does know political correctness, it seems, but then we come to the human aspect and this is where things took a strange turn, as IGN noted on its’ own review of the movie.

I’m not the biggest fan of IGN these days – it seems to be at least partially paid by various movie companies to review its’ movies and give them ‘the right’ reviews; in a not-too-distant past someone was actually fired from IGN for given a ‘wrong’ review, but here we’re not talking about the ‘quality’ of reviews, but more about their content, what they’re talking about, and in case of the L&T 2019-reboot, it is the fact that Lady’s owners, are an interracial couple. Considering that L&T took place in the first half of the 20^th century or so, when interracial relationships and marriages were illegal in some countries and states, this is simply an anachronism – and also a case of ‘wokeness’ done wrong, not unlike as to how it happened back in ‘Dark Phoenix-2019’, (remember, the Mystique-Xavier interaction scene? Yeesh), only more blatantly so. This is nothing new for Disney, of course – for example, the current ‘Spider-Men’ films try to match up the Anglo-American Spidey with ‘people of color’ – Elizabeth Toomes, (herself a daughter of an Anglo-American father and an Afro-American mother) in ‘Homecoming’, and MJ herself in ‘Far From Home’ – but because these movies are good movies and are set in modern times, rather than in the past, unlike a ‘King Arthur’ or a ‘Robin Hood’ movie, this works.

Again, in real life, there are several aspects to the interracial issue, especially in North America. In Canada, I have seen plenty of interracial couples – on bus stops and in buses, in stores and on streets, and so on – and no one cares. Even Don Cherry seems to have issue not with the interracial aspect of immigration; rather he is rejecting all immigrants outright, by claiming that they are not true Canadians, but are rather taking advantage of them and Canada itself as a whole. This… is clearly the case of the horseradish that is as bitter as the bitter radish is, but while we seem to be splitting hairs between the rotten apples, it seems that Hollywood has gone the other way around, and lumped this current stage of social affairs with the past.

…The current state of casual interracial affairs has taken years, if not decades to develop, and both U.S. and Canada underwent a lot of hard effort to reach it. By comparison, in the time set in L&T, both the original and the remake, this effort – aka the integration – was not even in the works, though it must be acknowledged that it is there, sort of: we’re talking about a relationship between a ‘posh’ Lady and a ‘street-smart’ but ‘poor’ Tramp: a social interaction slash integration… minus the racial angle. In the 2019 remake, Disney tried to take this one-step further, to the modern level, but because the movie is still set in the past, it does not really work. God knows why, the movie is primarily about dogs, rather than people, they could’ve just set it in modern times and then an interracial human couple would’ve seen perfectly natural, but there you are, a genuine social anachronism in a Disney movie, one that not even IGN couldn’t ignore.

This brings us to the upcoming Sam & Bucky ‘Captain America’ Disney+ show, again because of the entire interracial issues in the USA. From what we were told, Sam & Bucky will not have it easy by transitioning to the new Cap – on one hand, MCU’s version of Zemo is coming back, complete with his trademark purple mask now, (but keep in mind, that in MCU he isn’t supposed to be Hydra, unlike in the comics), and on the other, we’re going to get introduced to MCU version of John Walker, the US agent. He is supposed to be one of those Captain America variants done wrong, who is violent and prejudiced and evil and so forth. I remember a comic arc when Cap encountered this sort of a character – it was Nuke. That comic arc was set in the so-called ‘Ultimate Universe’ (Earth-1610 if anyone cares), and so Nuke was Frank Simpson rather than William Simpson… as he is known in MCU. In MCU, Nuke/William Simpson was part of Netflix’s ‘Defenders’, but it does not mean that he could not appear in its’ other parts, (especially since his part in JJ was not that big, actually), but instead we are getting John Walker/US agent in Sam & Bucky. Fun.

…Rounding out the cast is MCU’s version of Sharon Carter, (agent 13), who, for a while, was supposedly a love interest for Steve Rogers, but sometime after the CA: CW film she just vanished from MCU. It will be interesting to see as for how long she will stick around this time. Anything else?

…Well, people are beginning to compare the conclusion of MLP: FIM series to MCU’s AoS, claiming that both shows used plot twists and turns incorrectly, but they are wrong. Rather, MLP: FIM is Hasbro’s answer to HBO’s GoT, as both were great and long-lasting shows that did more poorly in their finales, as both were about gone and done officially and for good, while pissing-off the fans in the process. …But it does not matter! They are over! Only not! They are still around! Hasbro is already talking about the G5 ponies, while HBO is already working on the Targaryen family saga, as presented by one George Martin, so yay, really. Pause.

We have steered far off course, and it is time for us to take a break. This is it for now, see you all soon, (hopefully).

S.H.I.E.L.D. 'Inescapable' - June 21

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. I try to catch a garter snake in our local park – it gets away, I try to catch an American toad – same story, and the leopard frogs in the park’s swamps are mocking me, I say! So I turn to the world of fiction, and what do I get? ‘Men In Black: International’, where Thor and Valkyrie – I mean, Henry ‘H’ and Molly ‘M’ get to save planet Earth from Hive. The fuck?!

No, this is exactly what is going on: Hive in MIB4 (let us call this move that here) may be depicted differently from how it did on MCU’s AoS, but its’ M.O. is the same, its respective roles on AoS and MIB4 are practically the same, and this incarnation of MIB (the titular organization, not the movie), is essentially the good old S.H.I.E.L.D. of MCU, just, again, depicted somewhat differently – just enough to avoid copyright infringement issues.

Now, let us be completely honest – on one hand, MIB4 did have some references to Marvel™, especially Henry-H’s connection to Marvel’s™ Thor, and on the other, MCU itself is known by now to remake the comic characters, but, uh, the MIB franchise isn’t part of Disney/MCU, not now, so their appropriation of AoS isn’t kosher, I bet. So far, I have not heard anyone calling the MIB team on this, but judging by how the – commotion regarding MIB4 is dying down, (unlike the ‘Dark Phoenix 2019’ film, which has its’ own share of problems, but regardless), I am guessing that someone did. Someone was not happy, and called the people in the MIB franchise out, and now the odds of the MIB franchise returning anytime soon are not very good – a long-term long show is better.

As for the MIB4 movie itself…listen. The first movie was especially a cop-buddy film, not unlike another movie series starring Will Smith, ‘Bad Boys’. It worked, mostly because Will and Ian had amazing chemistry together, as odd as that was. So, a second movie – a reboot of the first one – was made, and then a third, which was more of the same, with time travel and further elaboration of the J & K’s relationship, and then it took a rest. Now, along comes MIB4, which is not really a space cop movie, unlike the first three films, but more of a spy thriller, though less ‘James Bond’, and more ‘Man from U.N.C.L.E.’ and ‘Get Smart’. Both were TV series about spies belonging in paramilitary organizations fighting other, more evil organizations, cough – yeah, one can see how AoS could get unintentionally conflated into the mix…but that epiphany doesn’t make anything better.

…On a different note, both ‘Get Smart’ and ‘Man from U.N.C.L.E.’ got to be rebooted and rebranded from TV series into movies, but unlike, say, ‘Godzilla 1998’ or even ‘MIB’ in question – in case of ‘Godzilla’, the animated TV series (lasting for at least 2 series) were much more popular than the movie was, while in case of ‘MIB’, set after the initial film…and one of their episodes had almost the same plot as MIB3 movie did, so there’s that.

Back to MIB4 film proper? As flawed as it was, but between it and the last season of Netflix’s JJ show, I did skip last week’s AoS episode, and as for this week’s episode – ‘Inescapable’ – it was meh. It was focused on the FitzSimmons on one hand, and introduced plenty of exposition regarding the FitzSimmons pre-show history, (in a manner of speaking), and also the audience got to fill-in the gaps between S5 and 6. It was a well-balanced episode – it had drama, action, horror, romance and humor equally balanced – but is it enough? Judging by the numbers of the previous S6 episodes – not so much. AoS has become established well-enough among its’ fan base that the latter don’t need it anymore – they can ‘play’ with its’ characters to their hearts’ desires without being concerned about canon anymore. It’s harsh and unfair, but that’s real life for you, sometimes it’s just unfair and there isn’t anything you can do, other than to try again to catch that mocking leopard frog!..

Ahem. This is it for now. See you all soon!

'Dark Phoenix', C&D, and etc - June 6

…Let us not talk about the ‘Dark Phoenix’ movie for now. The original ‘X-Men: Last Stand’ film was decent enough, but plenty of people have hated it all the same. There is no reason as to why ‘Dark Phoenix 2019’ should be any different, but I here want to talk about something else – namely, C&D. Just as the actors from AoS had appeared at the premiere of CM the movie, so has Emma Lahana, from C&D, appeared at the premiere of ‘Dark Phoenix’; and-?

Firstly, it makes the contrast between ‘Dark Phoenix’ and CM look even more in CM’s favor. Ms. Lahana gushed enthusiastically about ‘being a part of the Marvel family’, or ‘the MCU family’, or whatever, but keep in mind that Ms. Lahana is a very talented actress, as she has shown in C&D S2: although they looked, well, identical, both Brigid and Mayhem have come across as two very different people – without the use of CGI, or any special effects, or whatever. Just different clothing…and a lot of acting skill. Ergo, how could you tell that Ms. Lahana wasn’t acting here, acting all happy and etc. about ‘being a part of the Marvel family’? When you got talent, you got talent, and when it is a great acting talent, then you are a great actor, well – actress, but in real life trusting you can be kind of tricky, I reckon.

That said, Ms. Lahana was apparently the only ‘outsider’, MCU or otherwise, who had appeared at the ‘Dark Phoenix’ premiere – and CM has Simmons (Mack) and NCB (Yo-Yo), Ward (Deke) and Wen (Melinda). That is 4 people from AoS as opposed to C&D’s only one, though that’s a great one, no doubt about it. However, many people are already pointing out that the ‘Dark Phoenix’ clearly had some issues regarding MCU on one hand, and that it had to reshoot its’ second half to make itself different from CM, which brings us back to MCU. Whatever is going, or was going, or will be going behind the scenes between Disney and FOX merger, it clearly was not as clear-cut as Disney, FOX, and mass media, want you to believe, but that is real life for you.

On the other hand, there is Netflix. No, not because the second season of C&D made a direct reference to Luke Cage the Marvel character – it was in the penultimate episode of S2 or the one before that – it lasted for about a minute and was kind of blurry; blink and you miss it – but rather about the upcoming final season of JJ that is coming to Netflix, as a part of an original series. In this season, the titular heroine is coming against a man named Gregory Salinger. In the comics, he’s a Deadpool-related villain, (yes, that Deadpool), but clearly in MCU, which is an entirely different Marvel ‘Earth’, he’s going to be a completely different character from what he is in the comics – and Disney cannot really do anything about it or the entire JJ S3. Go Netflix, stick it to the man!

…As for the ‘Dark Phoenix’ movie in general? We will talk about that at another time, preferably after it becomes available to a wider slice of populace than just the movie critics. Until then – see you soon!

S.H.I.E.L.D. 'Missing Pieces' - May 11

AoS S6 is here. And?

Firstly, the obligatory disclaimer: real life can be trying, but that is real life for you. How does AoS stack up to it?

The season’s premiere, ‘Missing Pieces’, is about Coulson and Fitz, since both died at S5 finale. Now, though, Team Jemma (her, Daisy, Davis and Piper) are travelling through space, kicking alien butts and taking their numbers while looking for Fitz – and there is a giant-ass space ship chasing them instead. However, never let it be said that Simmons is not an opportunist – she used the ship’s latest attack to take her team into a new territory, to continue to look for Fitz, though the rest of her team are unhappy with her, and there is going to be drama.

Simmons’ issues with Fitz aside - by now everyone knows that the FitzSimmons make their own drama, and this season AoS just might’ve jumped the shark with them, pity – what is worth noting is that Piper and Davis have become proper supporting characters: here’s to them lasting at least to mid-season, and not just because otherwise the FitzSimmons and Daisy will have to make a lot of uncomfortable explanations to Davis’ family at least, you know? Secondly, Daisy is having her own issues – she is channeling either Ward or Morse, and it does not do her character any favors. And finally – Deke is pointedly not with them; as Marvel Entertainment accidentally showed on YouTube, Jeff Ward (Deke) and Iain (Fitz) do not get along, so they clearly had to do something about it, while keeping Jeff on the show. Why is another question; they did a half-arsed job of trying to make chemistry between him and Chloe’s Quake in the second half of S5, but apparently it didn’t stick, so no Deke in space. Pity, because he and Elizabeth Henstridge (Jemma) actually had a good thing going-on in the second half of S5…

Back within MCU, Fitz is shown at the episode’s end, being dominated, somehow, by someone (or something) called the Controller. In Marvel, it is a man named Basil Sandhurst, who is…an Iron Man villain, actually, but in MCU, Stark is dead – for now, at least – so it is an open question if this is going to be a real-life version of the man, somehow. The point is that Fitz is having his own problems – again…so, it is nothing new. The more interesting question is – where is Enoch? He was not bad back in S5, did liven up AoS somewhat, and it would be exciting to see more Chronicoms in the future AoS episodes too. The fact that Fitz is in trouble, is mentally dominated, does things that are probably morally ambiguous at best, and needs Simmons and the team to help him is nothing new – remember the S4 Framework mini-arc, anyone?

This brings us to the other half of the season’s premiere – Mack’s version of S.H.I.E.L.D. on one hand, and the appearance of ‘Sarge’, (Coulson’s look-alike) on the other. There are several characters called ‘Sarge’ already in Marvel; the main ones are Nick Fury Jr. (and now that would be an interested character to introduce to MCU proper), and a mutant for a secondary universe (earth 2099 A.D.) now more usually called Travesty.

…Yes, in S5 already AoS took its’ characters to the future, and yes, there are gifted individuals of some sort, working for Gregg’s Sarge character, so it’s always possible that S.H.I.E.L.D. will be dealing with time travellers from a new future – the old one got derailed when S.H.I.E.L.D. blew up the alien space shift and defeated Talbot/Graviton in final S5 episodes, remember? The time loop is broken, the future is free from grabs – and MCU has introduced, sort of, the concept of a multiverse in ‘Avengers: Endgame’ movie, and it might be developing this concept further in the upcoming ‘Spiderman’ movie, just look it up at the IGN YouTube channel. IGN is not perfect, but it does deliver. What is next?

The main twist here is that as contrasted by a deliberately misleading clip released earlier, this version of Coulson/Not-Coulson is no friend of S.H.I.E.L.D. at all; the man he took down was a new S.H.I.E.L.D. agent instead, but on the other hand, despite their rugged appearances and crazy behaviours, he and his people aren’t trying to intentionally & deliberately hurt people, so maybe they’re not actually evil? In this case, Mack and co. will need to invent a new strategy beyond throwing armed forces and armored vehicles at them, while dealing with new drama: Mack and Yo-Yo have broken up, and now Yo-Yo is beginning to flirt with a new character named Keller, while Mack is with May…yes, because Coulson is dead now, (so far, Sarge is being set up as someone who’s not S.H.I.E.L.D.), and because AoS had thrown them together on occasion, especially in S4. What will come out of that, aside from the generic answer – more drama – is currently unknown.

…Also, speaking of drama, Mack and May managed to persuade an old friend of Dr. Garner to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. while the FitzSimmons are in space. Since Dr. Garner was revealed to be Lash, a killer InHuman, (who got redeemed, supposedly, by rescuing Daisy from Hive and dying in the process), it’s possibly safe to take the newcomer’s moral alignment with a grain of salt; after Radcliffe and the Darkhold disaster it is better to be safe than sorry, right?

Anything else? Gabriel Luna will return to his role as the Ghost Rider…this time, on his own show. Since it will be on Freeform, his show might have more in common with C&D that AoS, so (tentatively) welcome back, Mr. Luna, to MCU! Hopefully, you will have better luck here than Blood and Palicki did – by now, they are firmly in the past/recurring character sector of AoS, alongside Dalton and Campbell; ah well, ce la vie.

As for ‘Missing Pieces’ as a whole, it did a good job by bringing out the best aspects of AoS – special effects, a decent plot, great acting and decent dialogue. Now all they have to do is to keep it up and to win back their strayed fans. Between ‘the Gifted’, ‘the Runaways’, C&D, and ‘Legion’, (though it is supposed to have its final season this year, hah), it will be a tough job, even with Netflix’s series gone, and the Ghost Rider show still being in production…

This is it for now; see you all soon!

CD, 'B Sides' - May 2

Obligatory disclaimer: real life is not very good, to put it lightly. Now onto C&D.

In this week’s episode, ‘B Sides’, the script writers took ques from the C&D comic arc ‘Shades of Grey’, complete with a villain who enslaves others by getting into their minds and draining them of their energy, in a matter of speaking. Put otherwise, this is a variant vampire mixed with Killgrave from Netflix’s JJ, complete with a female minion (ala JJ), who has been completely brainwashed, in a matter not unlike how Kara/agent 33 was brainwashed on AoS S2.

…Yes, AoS S6 is returning to TV next Friday, (May 10, 2019), and from the current trailer, we can already see that Gregg’s new character is a villain of some sort, rather than a hero; or at least – an anti-hero. Gosh! How new and exciting! Not.

Since S1, AoS had had the following themes in its plot: doppelgangers with different alignments often played by the same actors. Dalton did it with Ward…period, and also with Hive in S3. (Hive was never Ward; Ward may not have had any powers ever in AoS TV canon, but he was the more dangerous villain out of the two by far; I am a fan of his, but how he destroyed Coulson’s morals at cost of his own life? Brutal. This is what Coulson got from messing with a suicidal man – but we have digressed). Wen did in S2 as Palamas, (primarily in the first half of the season), and then in S4 as the LMD version of herself. Actually, everyone in the ‘main cast’ of AoS S4 got replaced by LMDs at that time – and later on they got to play slightly different versions of themselves, (including Dalton as Ward, cough), so Gregg playing a different character that just happens to look like someone else, cough, from the past is nothing new.

…Furthermore, Gregg’s new character just happens to look exactly like the old main male lead who had conveniently died between S5 and S6, so there’s no conflict of interest, and no need to juggle two roles and being the showrunner for at least the S6 premiere episode either. Consequently, odds are he will not be killed-off in the first few episodes, because AoS needs Coulson.

Well no, not really, but the cast and crew of AoS clearly consider Gregg to be an integral part of the team or something, so he is going to stay at AoS for S6 at least. I may be wrong, but I am still making this bet. (There are noises that AoS is going to be cancelled in summer 2019, but considering that it just got revamped by being associated with the MCU’s CM movie, it is not very likely). Ergo, his new character will probably be redeemed or something along those lines, as the AoS S6 title promo implied. AoS already planned to do something like that in S2 with Ward, but then they threw a curveball…the end of that. Coulson/not Coulson will probably be luckier, cough, but where were we?

…Talking about movies, I suppose. A trailer for yet another film came out today – ‘Crawlers’. Basically, it is a monster movie about an Anglo-American heroine, her father and dog, getting stuck in a hurricane-driven flood with some monstrous alligators who eat people. Oh Hell.

Where to begin? First, there are supposedly three species of crocodilians living in the U.S.: the American Alligator, (2-5 m long), the American Crocodile (2-4 m long) and the Spectacled Caiman (1-2 m long). The latter is an introduced species, yet another exotic reptile that escaped into the wilds of Florida and the rest of the southeast USA. Of the three, the American Alligator is the most common, but also – is the most retiring and does not like to attack, kill and eat humans as a rule. The American Crocodile and the Spectacled Caiman are more aggressive, but they also have a smaller range than their Alligator relative does; plus I am honestly not sure that there are wild/feral Spectacled Caiman living on the USA territory – the sources are controversial and can go either direction. What is the point?

…My point that the alligators of ‘Crawlers’ are unrealistic, and given that we see the movie’s main character destroying their eggs, they are unreal. Unlike the eggs of fish and amphibians, the eggs of reptiles must be kept dry and out of water; the nest of crocodilians, (including the gharials, the most aquatic of them all) are always kept well away from the water, and the mother crocs and gators bring the young to the water via a journey, (short or otherwise), in their jaws – just look at a BBC or a NatGeo crocodile special, for example. If there was a flood in a crocodile or alligator nesting area, it would be a disaster, as their nests and eggs would be lost. (Yes, just as their bird/dinosaur cousins’ crocodilians make nests. They are different from bird nests, but still nests). Ergo, no gator (or croc, or caiman) nests in a hurricane/flood area – they do not really exist. ‘Crawlers’ reptile monsters’ offspring just wouldn’t be able to survive – baby crocodilians are really fragile and vulnerable, unlike their parents…

Back to C&D, since on one hand, they already have a doppelganger of their own – Mayhem, via detective O’Reily – and on the other, they are located in the southeastern USA, where alligators and etc. live, but not really. It is already clear that Dy is in trouble and Ty is going to save her, and she will save him, and together they will rock, as they rocked in the ‘Shades of Grey’ comic. Good luck to them!

…This is it for this time; see you next time!

The Gifted: Monsters - Feb 19

Let us start with the obvious: real life… well, sucks. However, it is also confusing, and messy, and then there is the financial angle…but the less is said about money and taxes and the like is better. Let us talk about ‘the Gifted’ instead.

This week we learned… well, actually, we learned that Netflix is done with Marvel – even JJ and ‘Punisher’ are cancelled, done, finished. Why that is happened is another story, Disney is likely to be involved, but after the SW fiasco, Disney isn’t likely to be openly involved in another mess, especially one that involves money, (yes, money, again), so odds are that we won’t hear about ‘the Defenders’ or any of their associates for a while now, at least until all the copyright and ownership kinks are smoothed out.

Secondly C&D is returning this spring, (AoS is returning this summer instead). The S2 trailer showed us…not just Ty and Dy, but also detective Mayhem, who returns a full-on vigilante with her own powers, and odds are? She is going a) to rock, and b) cause more friction between Ty and Dy. (That said? The chemistry between them is great, and was part of the reason as to why C&D S1 was a success to begin with).

Finally, on this week’s episode, ‘Monsters’, we learn…that the strength of ‘the Gifted’ lies in the actors and acting and the drama that they manifest in their characters, as the plot itself can be holey. The most obvious hole in ‘Monsters’ is the time skip: one moment Lauren and Caitlin are hiding in an abandoned building during the day, with no one in sight, the next moment it’s night and there are cops outside of it already. The cops, of course, are right there with SW’s storm canonic troopers – lousy shots and are scared off by some feeble return gunfire too. Reed and Marcos were able to free Caitlin and Lauren by burning a hole in the building’s back wall without any interference. Score one for the mutants.

The second point is for Ted. He is dead. Reed killed him. With his powers. Considering that Ted had been the closest thing that Jace had had in the Purifiers for a friend you would think that he would be genuinely affected by Ted’s death, but instead? No one in the Purifiers seem to realize that Ted is dead, and Jace is having his doubts regarding the Morlocks’ massacre. Of course, he is right to do that, as the Purifiers are being manipulated, or even managed by Reeva, who is THE mutant villain of the S2, but still…Ted is dead and no one cares about him, not even the other Purifiers. Poor Ted.

Of course, Clarice is also dead, and the Morlocks are gone, their leader has schooled John in the ways of leadership again. Mind you, John is not a villain, he is a genuine good guy, but he is a terrible leader and had spent almost the entirety of ‘Monsters’ doing nothing but mourning Clarice. This makes him sympathetic and a figure of pity on some level, but also? Something of an annoyance…and a failure as a leader. There is a good reason as to why this corner of Mutant Underground fell apart when Lorna left them for the Hellfire Club/Inner Circle, and John is a part of it.

Speaking of Secret Agent Lorna? Sigh. Her and Andy’s escape from the Inner Circle was something else. Basically, the two of them just up and left – Lorna because she was planning to do with Marcos a while by now, and Andy because he had a pep talk with his father. The actors do their best to liven the lackluster departure and the CGI nighttime storm setting helps, but somehow? It still feels ridiculous. Reeva even had the nerve to be surprised when she, Esme, and Esme’s sisters discovered Lorna and Andy’s escape. Seriously, just who did she think she is? Other than a fantastic manager and manipulator? Mesmero the mind-bending telepath?

Of course, the Mutant Underground itself isn’t much better, plot-wise: the way that Lauren, (well, her character) mourns Clarice? It is impressive, but it does not negate the fact that ever since S2 of ‘the Gifted’ began, Lauren and Clarice spent less than two or three full episodes and did not even properly interact with each other at all. ‘the Gifted’ is an amazing show, but it still has limitations, sadly…

Anything else? Andy is back with the Mutant Underground, ditto for Lorna, and John…either heard Clarice say his name or he’s began to hallucinate. Either way, he owns the most impressive tomahawk (Native American battle-axe) that I have seen ever since DW S2 episode ‘Comanche vs. Mongol’ – but that is another story. For now let’s just accept that the Mutant Underground gang is together again, (almost), Jace is having his issues, and Reeva is almost ready to initiate the final stage of her plan to take over America.

This is it for now; see you all next week!

The Gifted: eneMy - Jan 1

And so, we have finally made it to 2019. It was tough, those last few weeks/days/months etc., but we have reached a new year. Yay! No, really – yay. Let us see now what greets us.

Well, many new movies/TV series/online series and etc. ‘Runaways’ S2 has premiered on Hulu, but we’ll have to see if we’ll be able to see them on TV because of real life reasons. Talk about ‘the Gifted’ in its place?

Well, we can always talk about the upcoming S2 of ‘the Punisher’ instead – on Netflix. With ‘the Defenders’ being down, (save for JJ), it is up to Frank Castle to carry the Marvel for Netflix. It also further complicates the Disney-Netflix Marvel relationship, and as it was said back in 2018, until it is resolved, it is unlikely that Daredevil or any of his immediate cohorts will appear in MCU because otherwise? There might be real life conflicts and even lawsuits. Disney already got issues with SW, it does not really need problems with MCU, especially now that it finally got its’ act together with FOX – and yes, this brings us to ‘the Gifted’.

In this week’s episode – ‘eneMy’ – the Mutant Underground has technically teamed-up with the Inner Circle to rescue John/Thunderbird. In reality it were just Andy and Lorna returning to their old families and friends to, well, rescue John, even though Lauren is still upset in regards to Andy’s initial defection, and Lorna & Marcos’ relationship is still a mess. Of course, in ‘eneMy’ they actually work together to take down the Purifiers, but so do the Strucker siblings, alongside Clarice/Blink…who appears to be more skillful with her powers than how she initially looked. Go her, though odds are that this hidden knowledge will somehow cause trouble for the Mutant Underground in the future.

That is actually a worthwhile point to mention – ‘the Gifted’ really doesn’t do internal conflicts all that well; the new/old/renewed conflict between Andy and Lauren Strucker feels decisively contrived and forced; the script just doesn’t come naturally here; neither it does when the Strucker parents calm Lauren down in their car: the acting feels just thin here; the actors are being just actors, not their characters, as they usually are on the show.

As the script, so the visual effects – a large chunk of ‘eneMy’ was executed in sepia tones of some sort. Were they supposed to add to the atmosphere, to make it more dramatic and intense? It did not really work, it looked strange rather than oppressive, so yes, when they vanished, the viewers did feel relived, just for the wrong reasons than the show’s crew and cast were going for.

Back to the plot? Jace has gone full Sith here, torturing John with psychological warfare and eventually trying to kill him by shooting him full of lead. Hopefully, John will survive, as there is no indication that ‘the Gifted’ are bringing in a replacement character for him. Again, however, the show will set new conflicts for him and Clarice, because this is how ‘the Gifted’ appear to run in S2. It is doubtful that it is a good strategy, as the numbers of the show went up and down and all over the place, and the December hiatus did more harm than good for them, as such hiatuses often are. Ah well, it is still a good reason to enjoy the ride until it is over and the lady sings.

Yes, AoS is coming back for S6 in summer 2019, but so far, the information is sparse, and the shots of Daisy being a blonde-haired woman now are not encouraging either. AoS has driven itself into a tangled knot and while it had tried to untangle itself, true, it did not really work: the show got stuck with the character of Deke Shaw, who is even less popular than Kasius and Sinara had been, and they were villains, plus the titular agents have established themselves as a bunch unsympathetic gits…but that is another story. ‘The Gifted’ is doing something different: it took an original narrative and is now trying to diversify it with a bunch of contrived conflicts that make the show less derived and more drawn-out instead; plus…

Plus ‘the Gifted’ is more like AC than AoS; it still has a tightly knit, relatively small main cast with which it works: ‘eneMy’ brought them all together, albeit on different sides; Jace is still the odd man out, as he usually is. No Inner Circle, no new kids, no nothing. (Also, Andy did not go over to the Inner Circle because of their money and power as Lauren claimed on this episode – he left because he felt that he could do better over there instead, as did Lorna – now we will just have to see if he and Lorna made the right choice). Sadly, for ‘the Gifted’ this sometimes borders on ridiculous, again, and the show tries to do something about it – in 2018, for example, we’ve seen Marcos trying to contact other Mutant Underground members, but all in vain: everyone else became afraid of what the Inner Circle had Lorna and Andy set in motion to do something about it. That said, it would be nice to see more new mutant faces; instead, ‘eneMy’ barely acknowledged the chaos unleashed by the Inner Circle, Andy and Lorna and was all about John’s rescue instead. That is justifiable, but the way that John had rammed the Purifiers’ track back in 2018…not the smartest move either, not even by him; (the fact that it felt almost like DW the combat simulation part hadn't helped the episode either - it was that contrived). Anything else?

Ted of the Purifiers’ isn’t dead, Andy and Lorna are back with the Inner Circle, (if Reeva and the others even realized that they were gone – hopefully this issue will be addressed in the next episodes), Jace continues his holy/unholy war and descent into the dark side, and the Strucker siblings are setting forth to have a confrontation of their own. Sigh. ‘The Gifted’ tried to give them character development back in 2018, but instead they keep coming back to being full Lannister. Let us just hope that they will resolve their issues before S2 of ‘the Gifted’ is finished and we all can move on…somewhere. New, that is.

Well, so far, this is it. See you all soon!

The Gifted: gaMe changer - Dec 4

The obligatory disclaimer: sometimes real life sucks, and sometimes it does not. Yay, really. Now onto ‘the Gifted’.

…This week’s episode was called the ‘gaMe changer’, and it certainly lived up to its’ name. The Inner Circle has destroyed the control center for the mutants’ control collars, and now many mutants are free. With the ‘regular’ society already inflamed and divided on the mutant issue, Reeva’s plan for taking over USA is beginning to take shape and it is a workable one, too. Whether she will be able to keep the United States once she captures them, is another story, and, moreover, one that we will get to see later, after the winter break, (technically speaking). For now, more new mutant characters will be appearing on the show; whether they will stay, or go, as Rebecca did, is another story.

…Rebecca got killed off in this week’s episode, incidentally. Judging by S1, no return from the dead for her; ‘the Gifted’ are not like AoS in that fashion. (With AC, there is not enough material to make a statement). This brings us to Daredevil, or rather – to ‘Daredevil’, who got cancelled at the end of last month.

Is this noteworthy? Well, yes – ‘Reverie’ might have also gotten cancelled during November 2018, (albeit in the beginning, rather than the end), but ‘Daredevil’ lasted longer – for 3 seasons rather than 1, and it was much more exciting, proportionally speaking, than ‘Reverie’ had been. ‘Reverie’ was not a bad show, but it was very heavily influenced by AoS on one hand, and kind of… not exactly insipid, but certainly lackluster on the other. ‘Reverie’ got cancelled with a whimper; the exit of ‘Daredevil’ was more noticeable.

Yes, in part this is because ‘Iron Fist’ and ‘Luke Cage’ were cancelled earlier in November 2018 too; with only JJ still up for grabs on one hand, and with ‘The Defenders’ proper being the weakest of Marvel/Netflix shows, things aren’t looking up for the Defenders team. However, that is acceptable: right now, the most popular theory is that with Disney establishing its’ own version of Netflix/Amazon/Hulu/etc., and as such, it is no longer too interested in cooperating with Netflix proper. (And maybe its’ counterparts as well).

Of course, until Netflix’s copyright for the Defenders’ team run out, Disney will have to tread carefully here, to prevent any conflicts back in the real world. It is already in a bad place regarding its’ other takeover, of SW, so it does not really need to add any of its’ Marvel properties into the mix. With Sony, (regarding its’ universe of Marvel characters or Earth-TRN688), making its’ boundaries clear and established, it might be Netflix’s turn next – or it and Disney might do something completely different, who knows?..

Back to ‘the Gifted’? So far, it is still going strong, with the ‘gaMe changer’ trying to go for something epic, as the Inner Circle releases captured and subdued mutants, the rest of the Strucker family destroying anti-mutant research, and John, from the Mutant Underground, getting captured by Jace and his Purifiers.

Well, technically, the Purifiers’ are not Jace’s, but are more of a free-ranging secret society, like the Freemasons or the Illuminati, but Jace is shown to be taking charge of them lately. Again, it is a question of just how big the Purifiers are, as a movement, but we’ll probably see more of them in the future episodes; right now, John got captured by probably no more than three or four of them, including Jace. Of course, John’s strategy had been to run at their jeep and hold it in place, until he got exhausted, but John has been in a bad place lately, as he and Clarice constantly fought lately, and Marcos was more of a comic relief than anything else.

Pause. This brings us to the fact that by now episodes of ‘the Gifted’ got somewhat, well, disassembled into separate plotlines; Jace capturing John at the end of ‘gaMe changer’ is really the first sign that they are coming together again, and maybe we’ll get something more along the lines of ‘the Gifted’ S1 in the next episode…

And this is it, for now. See you all soon!

Daredevil S3 - Oct 23

The changes come and changes go, in real life they suck, but you can adapt and try something new, just because you do not want to go crazy or worse. On TV, on the other hand…well, ‘Iron Fist’ was cancelled, as we knew even before ‘Daredevil’ S3 was released, and now, it seems, ‘Luke Cage’ is as well.

Still, there are some differences between ‘Iron Fist’ and ‘Luke Cage’ – while theories about the former continue to abound, (most consider the fact that it wasn’t making enough money to be the key fact here), with ‘Luke Cage’ it is more straightforward – differences between Netflix, the crew, and co. It shows too – ‘Iron Fist’ ended with some sort of a resolution, at least; ‘Luke Cage’ – in mid-swing, (so to speak), just as the Deadly Nightshade or whoever was rising to challenge Luke in her turn. Ouch. What next?

‘Daredevil’ S3 has arrived last week, we got introduced to this version of Bullseye, and it was interesting. At least at some point the team of ‘Daredevil’ made Bullseye to be the antithesis of the titular hero – guess Matt really needed it. Of course, with ‘Iron Fist’ and ‘Luke Cage’ gone, ‘the Defenders’ appear to be even less unlikely than they did after ‘Jessica Jones’ S2, where no mention of them really appeared; well, now with the cancellations, they may be the next to follow. Anything else?

‘The Gifted’ may or may not air tonight, due to the World Game (or whatever) it is called – real life sucks, see above. The Americans, of course, and especially their current president are still one-step ahead from the rest of us, in regards to ‘the migrant caravan’ or whatever. In the U.K., on the other hand, no actual evidence of Russian temperance was found, meaning yeah, that all of those cries of ‘Wolf! Wolf!’ were a fabled lie. How will the U.K. get out of this revelation? Ask the wading birds, such as the avocets, in the swamp – they will tell you how!

(Yes, I watched the ‘Miss Peregrine’ movie online. Miss Avocet was not a bad character, but the avocet is a wading bird, built almost like a mini-heron or stork. Rather than short and plump, Miss Avocet should have been tall and skinny instead, but who cares? She was just an episodic character anyhow, and regardless of her appearance? She was still neurotic).

Anything else? Frankly, no. Real life still sucks, and while you can try to manage it, sometimes you just cannot. Of course, on TV, things are not always so rosy either, as ‘Daredevil’ S3, (featuring no mention of ‘Jessica Jones’, ‘Luke Cage’, or ‘Iron Fist’) can attest. Still, let us wish Matt and co. the best of luck and move on.

…This is it for now; see you all soon!

FH: Nuxia - Oct 14

Firstly, real life sucks. It sucks in different ways, and for those people who died during hurricane Michael it sucks worst of all, because of obvious reasons, but for the rest of us? We got all sorts of issues, each of our own, and they are not very pleasant, because change usually always hurts – someone. On one of the sides, at least…and very often they are unavoidable. You can try to figure out ways to soften the blow, but as often as not they do not work, especially if you do not want to make things worse and to break the criminal code of your country. On the other hand, maybe you do, on both counts – in which case, good luck to you, you are a greater and/or braver person than I am…

What next? Leaving my life/real life aside, (the mess with/in the Saudi Arabia is growing nastier by the day), we got, well, ‘Iron Fist’. The show got cancelled. The end. Moreover, no one really knows why. With P: NW a while back, at least, you got the entire ‘Impossible Pictures’ getting cancelled/annulled by BBC because reasons. Considering that ‘Impossible Pictures’ was good, this was a bad decision by BBC; certainly after the not-very-impressive ‘Walking with Dinosaurs’ movie, they didn’t try anything new with dinosaurs any time lately…

Back to ‘Iron Fist’? We don’t know, again, as why Netflix ended the series; ‘Daredevil’ is coming back for S3 later this month, ‘Jessica Jones’ and ‘Punisher’ seem to be returning too, ‘Luke Cage’ is up for grabs…

Maybe it is just the matter of money – there is just not enough of it to allow Netflix keep all of their Marvel shows…at least for now. Apparently, they made a statement that ‘the immortal Iron Fist never dies’ or something similar. What does that mean I have no idea.

On that note, let us get to FH. Earlier this week they released the Nuxia, one of the new characters. In real life, Nuxia is a genus of plants that grow in Africa, Middle East, and on some islands in the Indian Ocean, meaning that this word does not have anything in common with China or the rest of the Far East region of Asia…

Now, I must admit, I was genuinely surprised – I have never heard of these plants…and given the sparse information about them, I am guessing that this is because these are some of the more obscure plants, not much known to people outside of professional botany, such as myself. Ergo, let us not stay with Nuxia proper for now, and move onto her signature weapons – the hook swords.

They were shown in DW, S1, as one of the weapons of the Shaolin monk, (who is also featured in FH – or will be, soon enough, properly). As it was mentioned before, that episode – ‘Shaolin monk vs. Maori warrior’ – was one of the more bizarre/lopsided episodes: the hook swords were the only Shaolin weapon that were better/scored higher than their Maori counterparts did, and they were the one who won the day for the Shaolin monk via points – they scored higher than any other weapon on that episode, Shaolin or Maori. Why, how so – the field-test of the hook swords was not that impressive, honestly – remained unknown, though on that episode follow-up, none of the team Maori showed up. Again, we do not know what went behind the scenes of that episode, but something certainly did, though it did not affect DH at that time…

Back to FH? Why not. Nuxia uses her twin hook swords very efficiently, and ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’ should be mentioned here too – we’re talking the original TV cartoon series, not the travesty of the movie that Mr. Night Shamalayan did: one of its’ recurring characters, Jet, also used twin hook swords very efficiently, making himself stand out of the crowd, (since he wasn’t a ‘bender’, by the way). So, I guess – go twin hook swords!

Anything else? No, not really. Nuxia does appear to be an interesting character, and FH is clearly upgrading and redesigning itself, doing its’ best to make itself even better, so good luck to them. Ergo, as for us – see you all soon! (Hopefully).

To All The Boys That I Have Loved - Aug 21

…And, since we have talked about Jenny Han and her LJ trilogy before, let us talk once more about the movie.

Why? Firstly, because of timing – it isn’t known if it was intentional or not, but it came out just as the ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ did, and so it got to ride their wake, because the LJ movie is also a movie about the Asian-American people, who actually live in a mixed-culture family: their dad is Anglo-American, while their mom was from Korea, and now she’s dead. There is the spectre of Jane Austen hanging over the entire LJ trilogy, and it is likely to be intentional for whatever reasons the author has.

The movie has toned down that influence: the film’s LJ is much more spunky and athletic than the novels’ version is. Jenny Han did her best to show LJ as a young woman who is just coming into her womanhood throughout the trilogy…with some humor, but also some drama and tragedy. The movie has that too, but the humor is more boosted, just as it is in the ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ film.

True, we did discuss it before: the LJ novels feel more like a ‘Maid in Manhattan’, not ‘Fools Rush In’ or ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ (mostly, in the latter case). The author put the emphasis on romance, not on humor, while the movie feels more like a mixture of two. This makes it better than the ‘Insatiable’ series, as far as YA Netflix productions go, while ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ differ from it by trying to go international and beyond their rom-com parameters.

Listen: there are still plenty of accolades for ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ coming from…within the U.S. Abroad, even in Canada, there are more sceptics than in the U.S., and it is beginning to show. ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ is an American movie, or maybe even an Asian-American one, but it isn’t an Asian one, and if the American society doesn’t understand the differences, then it has problems. The American society, not the ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ movie. The latter does its job – it entertains. So does the LJ film, as well as the original novels, (in both cases). It’s just that LJ is less ambitious in its message or scope than ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ are, which makes sense, because Netflix isn’t Disney, and it isn’t as formidable as the big league movie companies are, either.

(Apparently, Netflix did offer to make ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ a part of its’ menu, but the director decided to go for the big screens instead. Small world).

Finally, about ‘Reverie’. So far, it is still uncertain if it will be renewed for a second season or not. That is not surprising – it got potential, but little excitement, and on occasion, it was known to focus on Sarah Shahi, (who plays Mara) and her legs a little too much. It is not exactly a hot mess, nor is it insipid as Marvel’s ‘InHumans’ had been; it is just rather lackluster and sometimes – it felt hollow, unsupported, loose.

That and the fact that it ripped-off Marvel’s AoS’ framework plotline, of course. Cannot forget that either. Not surprising, then, that the face of ‘Reverie’ is still hanging in the balance. Good luck to it, though.

This is it for now; see you all soon!