Crawl - July 14

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. That said, this goes for everyone, and everyone is connected to everyone else in proportions, and thus, no matter how much my life is bad, the life of those people in the apartment building down the street that caught fire earlier today is probably worse than mine is, right now. Now onto the movies!

This time, since we are talking about life, its’ unpleasantness and disasters, let us talk about ‘Crawl’. It was released in theatres on July 12, 2019, and we have talked about it earlier, when the trailer had been released. It is possible that people forgot about both our discussion and the movie – unlike ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home’, for example, it never made much of an effort to catch the attention of potential viewers, who knows why…

As for the plot, it is a disaster movie: the main character goes home to check on her estranged father, and the two of them end up trapped in their house, as the hurricane brings the flood – and the flood brings at least two American alligators. And?

And this is it, actually – ‘Crawl’ is a horror movie, not that different from ‘The Shallows’, for example, and many other films, except that its’ monsters are American alligators, not sharks. Hence why it is worthwhile to be mentioned – you do not get too many movies that feature alligators (or crocodiles for that matter) these days.

As for the American alligator these days… First, we have discussed it not just as the monster of the ‘Crawl’ movie in question, but also as one of the contestants/combatants on AFO, remember? On that show, the American alligator fought the American black bear and lost. Why it lost specifically is a different question, but what interests us right now is that it was depicted very accurately, from a scientific point of view; before it faced-off with the black bear per se, the two animals were compared and contrasted to each other very succinctly, and we saw the differences between these two carnivores shown to us professionally. To be more precise, like its’ crocodile cousins, the American alligator (or the American caiman, in Spanish), is a crusher: unlike carnivorous mammals, (or sharks, actually), crocodiles, alligators and caimans slam their jaws shut on their victims, and then shake their heads or even go into death rolls to rip smaller chunks from their meals – if they can’t swallow their prey whole from the start, that is. Next?

Aside from AFO, the American alligator has also appeared on the ‘River Monsters’ TV series, on the episode 1x03, aka ‘Alligator Gar’. This episode, not surprisingly, was about the titular fish, but the American alligator appeared there too, as part of JW’s effort to clean-up the alligator gar’s reputation as a man-eater and a river monster. It worked, at least as far as JW and his show were concerned, but what is important to us is that the American alligator can, and does, (or did), attack people, contrary to its’ reputation as a meek and mild-mannered creature, as compared to its’ cousins, the Nile and the saltwater crocodiles. No argument here, the American alligator is smaller than those two, but it is still the biggest member of the alligator and caiman side of the crocodilian family and must be treated with respect. When compared to another one of its’ crocodile cousins – the so-called American crocodile, the American alligator is bulkier, more angular, less streamlined, with a proportionally shorter and broader muzzle. As such, scientists have determined that that means that the American alligator eats less fish and ambushes more animals from the shoreline than the American crocodile does. I.e. the stereotypical crocodile lies in wait in the water and waits for animals to come to the river to drink, after which it strikes. This happens in real life, but there are always other options – sometimes the Nile crocodile, (which is the stereotypical crocodile, FYI), hunts fish in the African rivers; other times it lunges at birds that are skimming the water surface instead; and so forth. However, its prey of choice are land animals that come to the water edge to drink and therefore the Nile crocodile has a large, broad, almost angular head that has plenty of anchoring space for muscles and has a very powerful bite. The skull of the American alligator is smaller, (because it is smaller than the Nile crocodile is, period), but it is built along the same lines, much more so than the American crocodile or the alligator gar skulls, so yes, the potential for the American alligator to be a man-eater is there.

…That said, ‘Crawl’ is still a fully fictional movie, as we’ve discussed it earlier: American alligators may be aquatic reptiles, but their eggs – unlike the eggs of frogs and newts – need to stay high and dry, and not be water-logged; this puts the reptiles at something of a disadvantage against fish and amphibians; if it hadn’t been for the smaller mass extinction at the end of the Triassic period, the world might’ve been a very different place from what we know it to be. (Or not, given that the Mesozoic, the Age of Reptiles, ended on a much bigger mass extinction event than the Triassic did). Where were we?

As a movie, ‘Crawl’ is a decent horror movie, and it is certainly worth going to it once – by itself, with your family/friends/significant other/etc. to enjoy it. Otherwise, you might as well watch ‘Stuber’, or re-watch ‘Spider-Man 2019’ movie instead, period. The conflict feels forced and contrived at times; the half-assed basement of the protagonists’ family home may be the least realistic element of the movie; and the character development is pointless and distractive, not unlike what we have seen in ‘The Shallows’, but this is neither there nor here. Go to the movies and enjoy it. Or not. It is your call.

This is it for now; see you all soon.

PS: And in conclusion, here is a couple of customized carnivorous plants from Pathfinder First Edition RPG, (just because). Enjoy!

ERUPHYTE ASSASSIN VINE CR 4

XP 800

N Large plant

Init +0; Senses blindsight 30 ft., low-light vision, thoughtsense 60 ft.; Perception +1

DEFENSE

AC 15, touch 9, flat-footed 15 (+6 natural, –1 size)

hp 30 (4d8+12)

Fort +7, Ref +1, Will +2

Immune electricity, plant traits; Resist cold 10 and fire 10

OFFENSE

Speed 5 ft.

Melee slam +7 (1d8+7 plus grab)

Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft.

Special Attacks constrict (1d8+7), entangle, thoughtspear (2d8; Will DC 18 half).

STATISTICS

Str 20, Dex 10, Con 16, Int 6, Wis 13, Cha 9

Base Atk +3; CMB +9 (+13 grapple); CMD 19 (can't be tripped)

Feats –

Skills -

Language telepathy 60 ft.

SQ bardic knowledge (CL 2^nd), camouflage

ECOLOGY

Environment temperate forests

Organization solitary, pair, or patch (3–6)

Treasure incidental

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Camouflage (Ex): Since an assassin vine looks like a normal plant when at rest, a DC 20 Perception check is required to notice it before it attacks for the first time. Anyone with ranks in Survival or Knowledge (nature) can use either of those skills instead of Perception to notice the plant.

Entangle (Su): An assassin vine can, as a free action, cause plants within 30 feet of it to animate and grasp at foes. This ability is otherwise similar to entangle (CL 4th, DC 13). The save DC is Wisdom-based.

RAMPANT BASIDIROND CR 6

XP 1,600

N Medium plant

Init +1; Senses low-light vision, tremorsense; Perception +0

Aura growth

DEFENSE

AC 18, touch 11, flat-footed 17 (+1 Dex, +7 natural)

hp 80 (7d8+49)

Fort +8, Ref +3, Will +2

Immune cold, plant traits; regeneration 5 (negative energy)

Weaknesses cold lethargy, negative energy

OFFENSE

Speed 20 ft.

Melee slam +10 (1d8+7 plus spores)

Special Attacks hallucination cloud, spores

STATISTICS

Str 20, Dex 13, Con 20, Int —, Wis 11, Cha 1

Base Atk +5; CMB +10; CMD 21 (25 vs. trip)

SQ verdant genesis

ECOLOGY

Environment any non-cold underground

Organization solitary, pair, or grove (3–8)

Treasure incidental

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Hallucination Cloud (Ex) As a standard action once per minute, a basidirond can release a cloud of invisible spores in a 20-foot radius. All creatures within the area must succeed on a DC 16 Fortitude save or be affected by powerful hallucinations as long as they remain in the cloud plus 1d4 rounds after leaving the area. A new save must be made each round a creature remains within the affected area. A hallucination cloud persists for 5 rounds before dispersing—a strong wind causes it to disperse immediately. The save DC is Constitution-based. To determine what hallucination is suffered each round, roll 1d6 and consult the following table.

d6 Hallucination

1 You're sinking in quicksand! Fall prone and spend 1 round flailing your arms and legs as if trying to swim.

2 Attacked by a swarm of spiders! Spend a full round action to attack the floor near you with your weapon.

3 An item you hold has turned into a viper! Drop it and flee from the item at top speed for 1 round.

4 You're suffocating! Stand in place, hold your breath, and clutch at your throat for 1 round.

5 You've shrunk to 1/10th your normal size! Take no actions for 1 round and monsters won't see you.

6 You're melting! Grasp hold of yourself in an attempt to hold yourself together, and take no actions for 1 round.

Spores (Ex) Any creature struck by a basidirond's slam attack is coated with spores. The creature struck must make a DC 16 Fortitude save or these spores take root in his flesh, and particularly in his lungs. The save DC is Constititon-based.Basidirond Spores: Disease—inhaled; save Fort DC 16; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect 1d2 Con damage; cure 1 save.

Cold Lethargy (Ex) Although a basidirond is immune to cold damage, any cold effect it is exposed to slows it for 1d4 rounds. During this time, the basidirond cannot use its hallucination cloud or spores.

Any comments? Criticisms?