Big Paul, a story - Oct 8

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, so here's a story for you instead:

 It was dark now. Big Paul, a veteran sheepdog, was already at guard, guarding the sheep. (Hey, what did you expect?) It was still relatively early after sunset, so everything was quiet, though not too quiet, and Big Paul could already smell someone familiar.

“Red,” Big Paul called out to that specific someone. “Come out of the grass – I can smell you!”

“Yes you can,” Red, a male red fox, did look out of the grass, though he kept his distance, given the size difference between himself and Big Paul. “So what? I am not harassing your sheep, and there are not even any lambs. Piss off!”

Big Paul frowned. “This is what I want to talk to you about,” he told Red. “Everyone and everything seem to be more on edge lately than normally; is it because of the dry spell, or not-?”

Big Paul did not finish, as a breeze brought a wisp of a scent to him – bobcat! Big Paul had his own opinion of the wildcat – unlike red foxes, bobcats were quite capable of killing even adult sheep, (if they got lucky), and this particular bobcat, after Big Paul barred her path, went after him, and almost killed him, if the sheepdog hadn’t been able to break out of her grasp and bark a frantic alarm, bringing forth his master with the gun. The bobcat got away, regardless, and Big Paul was in no hurry to relive this experience, and so he immediately whirled around, ready to bark an alarm – but there was no sign of the bobcat.

A dry branch cracked under a heavy foot – this was no fox or even wolf, let alone a wildcat. Big Paul whirled back – Red was long gone, it looked like – and came face to face with a bear.

“Hello,” he said evenly, trying to keep his voice from shaking and himself from backing away. Big Paul succeeded at this, mostly.

“A dog,” the bear – a black bear rather than brown, but it did not matter here, not particularly – did not sound impressed, for his part. “A sheepdog. Step aside, dog, for I want to eat a sheep”. Even as he was speaking, the bear was standing upright, upon his hind legs, giving himself a further height advantage – one that was uncalled and unnecessary, in Big Paul’s opinion. 

Big Paul took a deep breath. “I cannot let you do this,” he began, when the bear grabbed him with the forepaws and lifted the sheepdog up to his own eye level. 

Looking into the bear’s eyes, all but glowing from insanity and hunger, Big Pau realized that this was it, the end of the line, he was going to be eaten alive in the line of duty, and the bear’s grasp of him over the ribs was so firm that Big Paul could not even bark a warning-

The bobcat came flying out of the night, a ghost of grey and reddish-brown colors. She dug all of her claws into the bear’s shoulder and bit down with all of her disproportionate might into the bear’s ear. 

The bear roared – and unlike the bobcat, he was overly loud… or maybe it was just Big Paul’s opinions, as the infuriated giant flung him away. Still, every cloud has a silver lining, theoretically, as the sheepdog’s master appeared on the scene and discharged his gun.

The bear dropped.

On all fours.

The gun in question was loaded with small shot, more suitable for smaller animals such as foxes and bobcats, (also the occasional hare, squirrel, and gamebird, but due to his loyalty, Big Paul ignored his master’s lapses), not so much for wolves or deer, and certainly not for bears. 

To make matters worse, the bear’s hide was covered in all sorts of things, from pine needles to pine tar, and so he felt the shot, but little more – and so he charged at Big Paul’s master.

It took every bit of the sheepdog’s strength and speed to slam into the bear, only for the better to slam him away with barely a recognition before biting into the master’s gun – hard. With a fading sight, Big Paul was barely able to register-

BAH

-the herd of sheep, led by the rams, slamming hard into the bear’s flank, knocking him over and trampling him.

“Say what?” was the last thing the sheepdog thought, before he fainted.

<i>Epilogue…</i>

It was night once more. Big Paul – bandaged over the ribs – was standing watch over the sheep once more. The sheep, the entire herd, were in their enclosure once more. Red the red fox was sniffing around the neighbourhood once more.

“What happened?” Big Paul asked the fox now that the bear seemed to be gone.

“After I helped the muzzles open the sheep gate, the sheep charged and trampled the bear, distracting him long enough for the rest of the humans to arrive and deal with him,” Red replied.

“The muzzles?” Big Paul blinked as he looked around – and sure enough, there was the bobcat, flanked by two or three younger and smaller versions of her. This was not the best situation Big Paul wanted to be in.

“Bah!” one of the younger rams bleated through the fence of their enclosure. The bobcats immediately whirled around and stared at him – and the ram promptly fled from the fence.

“Listen,” Big Paul sighed. “For better or worse, I owe you one, so here’s some advice – don’t.”

The bobcats immediately whirled back to him. Unlike the ram, the sheepdog did not back down. “Listen, me and my master, we aren’t alone right now, we got back-up because of the bear attack,” he pointed, with his muzzle, at the human dwelling – lights and human voices were coming through the window, and two younger and less experienced sheepdog were playing next to it. “You won’t be able to handle everyone, especially with a sheep-“

“The summer is a bad one, and a dry one. There’s almost nothing left to eat now,” the bobcat vocally responded to Big Paul for the first time since they learned of each other, and her voice was emotionless and dry. “We have to eat or we’ll starve.”

“It is out of my paws,” Big Paul said sadly, even as he sat down onto his haunches and howled. “Ahoy there, Big Dog in the Sky! Can you help them – can you help us out, please?”

The wind picked up. It blew through the skies, bringing storm clouds with it, and then they burst with rain. The rain washed away the dust and the dirt, invigorating the plants and the small animals – frogs and toads, newts and lizards, mice and voles. When it stopped, night flowers were opening, moths were flying around, and everything felt more invigorated and lovely already. 

“…I didn’t expect this to happen,” the sheepdog told his interlocutors, but they were already gone.

<i>End?</i>

Sun bear vs. moon bear - Jan 9

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, and family can always be counted on to make you feel worse. I hate them. So, let us talk about something else: bears. Yes, the wild mammals that inspired Winnie the Pooh and Paddington Bear, among other characters.

There are currently eight species of bears found in the world, so, in the spirit of 2023, let us have a face-off between just two bear species: the sun, or the Malaysian bear, and the moon, or the Asiatic black bear.

Where, and how, to begin? The sun bear is one of the smallest modern bears, right there alongside the giant panda. It is about 120-150 cm long, (the tail, less than 10 cm long, does not count), and weighs about 35-80 kg. Those are dimensions of a large dog breed, put otherwise.

The moon bear is somewhat larger out of the two: it is about 120-180 cm long, (plus an equally short tail), and weighs about 65-150 kg; the American black bear may not be much bigger, but it is certainly quite a bit heavier than its’ Asiatic counterpart, up to 400 kg heavy – but we’re talking about the sun bear instead.

Physically, the two bear species differ in that the sun bear has a yellow patch on its face and chest, while the moon bear has more of a white napkin on its’ chest. In addition, despite the similar-sounding names, the moon bear is more reminiscent of the sloth bear instead – but we are digressing.

Habitat-wise, the two bear species are similar: the sun bear lives in the tropics of Southeast Asia, whereas the moon bear lives further up north, in South and East Asia instead, where the climate is more temperate instead. Regardless, the two bear species behave more like each other, than like the sloth, the American black, or the giant panda bears: both are tree-dwelling animals, which feed upon… what?

The tropical sun bear is more of a specialist, (though not as much as the giant panda): it eats fruit, honey, termites, ants, beetles, bees, and their larvae. The temperate moon bear is more of a generalist, as it eats vegetation, fruits, nuts, insects… and big, hooved mammals, including domestic livestock. There’s a reason as to why it is considered more closely related to the American black, the brown, and the polar bears than to any other modern bear species, you know?

Lifestyle. The sun bear is one of the more arboreal of bear species: it finds most of its’ food (see above) in trees, and it finds escape from its’ own predators in trees, in particular humans and tigers. It actually got a big attitude for its’ small size and can usually hold its’ ground against such smaller carnivores as big snakes and leopards.

The moon bear spends more time on the ground than the sun bear does, but moreso than the brown or the American black bears do, for comparison. It even hibernates in trees sometimes, for it lives in a seasonal climate, especially in the northern half of its’ habitat. It is less aggressive than the sun bear is, but proportionally it is the more stronger and powerful bear species out of the two.

Weaponry… Both bears are armed with teeth and claws, but the moon bear has more powerful teeth and jaws, out of the two, as it eats more red meat in its’ food rations. By contrast, the sun bear eats more of softer, squishier foods, such as honey and fruits, where less chewing is required. Hence, it does not have such impressive teeth and jaws, and actually looks a bit like an anteater, with its’ extra-long tongue. It also has an extra-large jaw gap, but while it looks cool to us humans, the other animals are not as impressed by it.

The moon bear, on the other hand, has teeth and jaws typical of a bear: it is a relatively large and powerful omnivore, and so its’ teeth and jaws are designed to handle tougher stuff than just fruits, insects and honey.

The paws and claws, on the other hand, (pardon the pun), are more similar between the two bear species, as both are, well, tree-climbing bears and their limbs have evolved along similar lines: strong, powerful, with claws that are reminiscent of grappling hooks.

Combat style? Also reminiscent of most, if not all the bears: stand upright and pummel each other with the forepaws and claws. Teeth and biting are more secondary, (though still important, obviously) – and so, which bear would win?

I am still going with the Asiatic black/moon bear. While the two bears are mostly equally matched, the Asiatic black bear shows an edge, however slight, over its’ sun bear cousin. The sun bear may have a better fighting attitude, but among the animals, size and physical strength often matter more, and the moon bear would just be better able to absorb the physical punishment of its’ tropical cousin than vice versa. Still, opinions may differ, and I’m open to listen to them.

That is all for now, see you all soon!

Quarantine entry #87 - June 16

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. On the one hand, the official U.S.-Canada border will remain closed until July 21^st at least, because reasons. On the other,… wait.

…Let’s talk media, for a second. These days, at least some of mass media sites, such as Yahoo News, tend to illuminate such important events as the border closure and the prolonging of CERB very sparingly – they just tell us about the happening of one fact or another, and that is it. What and how it all went down – we do not know.

Instead, we are given brief polls on that site, basically the standard yes-or-no question with some minimal variations. Are those questions supposed to matter? In the West, true, people do believe that their opinions matter, but the fact is that if their opinions are handled in a sufficiently detached manner, then it suddenly becomes much harder to understand as to how precisely it does matter.

In the RF, the situation is different – people, the common people, know that the higher-ups in the Kremlin and etc. don’t care about their opinions, unless it is backed-up by force, so when they have enough, they go into the streets… therefore, the aforementioned higher-ups in the Kremlin and etc. do their best to appease their ‘electorate’ just enough to prevent the aforementioned revolution… usually. Right now, with their own COVID-19 epidemic on hands, this system is breaking down…sucks to be them…but real life sucks to begin with.

Elsewhere in the world, it is different. In the U.K., (and the rest of the EU), news about COVID-19 and the like are much more sparse than they are in the U.S. In Canada…well, we have just talked about how the Canadian government handles COVID-19 – apparently, they make all the decisions, but give polls to their electorate to reassure them that their opinion still matters and they can always vent, of course, online. Put otherwise, Canada may not be the RF, (thank God), but neither is it the U.S., (captain Obvious says ‘No duh!’). What next?

I admit that I wanted to talk to you about our old favorites, the elephants, today, but then I caught a glimpse of a cartoon. It was about bears, fair enough. The titular character is a grizzly bear, who used to be a circus actor slash jack-of-all-trades in his youth, but then settled down. He is also a bachelor, (because plot reasons), but has a girlfriend, also a grizzly/brown bear, who comes and goes throughout the show’s episodes. He also has a romantic rival, a male black bear, who is something of a jock, but who appears very rarely in the show, because it is a children’s cartoon… so what’s my point?

My point is that in this episode, the male grizzly’s old flame from the circus came to visit him. She was a spectacled bear from South America, a real party animal, (pun intended), and she is much smaller and more petite than the other bears of the show, (mostly brown and black, though there is a giant panda cub as a distant relative of the titular character too). And-?

And that is actually realistic – the spectacled bear is smaller than the brown bear is: about 120-200 cm, with the males being larger than the females are, (but that is a common trade of all the bears, especially the modern ones), and much heavier – up to 115 kg on average, while the female spectacled bears usually weigh – on average – only 65 kg. Apparently, this sort of discrepancy puts the spectacled bear right alongside the polar bear for being one of the most sexually dimorphic modern bear species, even though the latter is only a very distant cousin to the spectacled bear; both are true bears, of course, but the spectacled bear is much more closely related to the now-extinct giant short-faced bears of the previous epochs. (In particular, the short-faced bear Arctodus simus was featured in one episode of ‘Prehistoric Predators’, and had cameo appearances in some other, remember?) Ironically, however, diet-wise, the spectacled bear has only 5% of meat in his overall diet; it might be the next most herbivorous modern bear after the giant panda! Maybe that is how it was able to survive the last Ice Age when the short-faced bears died out, and keep in mind, that the American tropics are also home to the jaguar, which might be less physically formidable than the spectacled bear is, but much more formidable and carnivorous – the spectacled bear manages to avoid it by living in places where the jaguars are rare – mainly in the Andes mountains of north and west South America. If given the chance, spectacled bears are just as ecologically dexterous as the brown bears of the Northern hemisphere are, but these days, while the brown bears are Least Concern, the spectacled bears are Vulnerable instead, so there is that. Real life sucks for those fascinating creatures, it looks like, but that is real life.

…For now, though, this is it. See you all soon!

Quarantine entry #82 - June 11

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks, and I cannot even escape into AoS, because I am currently trapped where it is not available, (because there is no TV and all). Pause.

Well, because I do not want to tackle reality just yet, I will acknowledge that for the moment the final season of AoS is still staying in the AC time period – aka the post-WWII USA and they have already encountered their very first racist – a certain Mr. Sharpe. Right now, the character is mostly a comic relief, (this is the first time he has appeared in MCU period, and given AoS’ record of accomplishment, and it is possible that he will soon die anyhow… where were we?)

Ah yes, the racist. AC itself fiddled with the issue of racism in the USA post-WWII, especially in the second season, when agent – now chief – David Sousa suddenly had a non-captain Rogers’ rival for agent Carter’s heart of an Afro-American descent, cough – but now…

Well, now it seems that the final season of AoS is stealing plot ideas from the third season of AC that never was, which is good. Marvel’s ‘InHumans’ actually did manifest despite AoS’ present, and the result was insipid, and also cancelled after a single season, even though despite its’ flaws, it had a better, more compact plot than AoS usually had. Disney rocks?

Getting back to the issue of racism in the States, in particular – now, listen: the George Floyd situation manifested because of management and mismanagement of the protests, the Americans wanted a diversion from COVID-19, and so they got it! Now, people are talking about reforming the police, (a major federal organization, putting it mildly), Confederate statues are being pulled down, (seriously, what the Hell?!), and COVID-19 was put on a backburner, though now it is coming back – either because the George Floyd narrative has ran its’ course, the man has been buried, and, hopefully, at least some people on the top of the American society have begun to think as to what COVID-19 will do to American population now that the self-isolation was effectively torn down.

…As we have said before, in Canada the situation is different, less intense, and more artificial-feeling. It is possible that Trudeau is using it as a smoke screen… period, because he isn’t handling the COVID-19 chaos very well, but then again, right now, Canada is supposedly run by a Liberal/Conservative/NDP joint effort, and where are the other two? Scheer keeps on fighting with Trudeau, the end, and Singh, (for whom and whose NDP party I have voted, FYI), is simply a no-show. The Hell? Trudeau is flawed, (though he is better than the American Donald is by default), but at least he is trying to do something, which is more than you can say about the other two. Sigh. Canada may be better than the U.S. is, but these days? That is not much to go on about.

Now, today I actually wanted to talk about bears, but somehow I was never able to get into the right frame of mind. Pity, because actually bears are quite fascinating mammals, hailing from the Eocene epoch, aka practically the very beginning of the Cenozoic. Their various species and genera came and went, but in the modern times? There are only eight species in three genera, including the giant panda that we have discussed earlier. It is the most ancient of the modern bears, and one of the most specialized, and probably one of the smallest ones too, (I am sorry, but compared to a brown bear? The giant panda is not that huge).

At the other end of the spectrum we have the polar bear, the most recent of the modern bears, that we have already discussed on this blog, for it was featured on AFO, where it’d lost to a walrus, as well as its’ closest cousins – the brown bear, (defeated a Siberian tiger), and the American black bear, (who took down the American Alligator). This leaves with the spectacled bear, the sloth bear, and the sun and the moon bears.

The moon bear is the Asian black bear, which is an ecological counterpart to the American black bear, and whom we have discussed in the past, largely because of the conjunction to the American black bear, (the American alligator and the Chinese alligator were featured as well).

The sun bear is also called the Malaysian bear, and it is one of the smallest bears, possibly smaller than even the giant panda is – and is one of the most arboreal of all the modern bears. Unlike the moon bear, its’ patch on the chest is yellow rather than white, hence the ‘sun bear’ moniker.

…Conversely, the sloth bear, (aka the true bear from the ‘Jungle Book’) usually has no patch on its’ chest, but when it does, it is white. The same goes for the American black bear, actually – usually, this bear is colored in a single color, but sometimes it does have a white patch on its’ chest instead, (though it ought to be noted that an American black bear can be of any color actually, not just black, but also cinnamon brown or creamy white).

…The spectacled bear usually doesn’t have a mark on its’ chest – instead, it has ‘spectacles’ on its’ face, and it is the only modern survivor of the short-faced bear lineage, (remember, it was featured on the ‘Prehistoric Predators’ series?). That said, those ‘spectacles’ can look very different from one spectacled bear to another, and some can reach the chest area, I suppose. In fact, physically speaking, all bears look like each other, and aside from the brown and polar bears, (which are each other’s closest relatives out of all the modern bears), and the giant panda too, I suppose, all of the modern bears are colored similarly too – in black, with lighter patches of fur on its’ back. Even the giant panda’s black-and-white checkered coat might have evolved from a similar design as well; what do you think?

…For now though, this is it. See you all soon!

Quarantine entry #14 - April 4

…It came to pass to my knowledge that I’ve talked about the alligators – especially the American alligator – a lot in the past entries; much more so than about the bears, so yeah, my apology, if yesterday’s material was something of a re-use, but while we’re down in the lockdown, we don’t have too much of the new material to go on about. What next?

Firstly, real life sucks. (Cough obligatory disclaimer cough). Second, what should we talk about? Should we talk about them bears some more? In AFO, the three best-known species have some –up – the brown bear, the American black bear, and the polar bear. The other bears species are quite famous themselves, (cough giant panda cough), but the aforementioned trio is the big three. Did you know that the polar bear is also known as the ice bear? I did not know, not until recently, anyhow. And-?

And if we are going to talk about trivia, let us talk about bats instead. Those small mammals are the only mammals that truly fly; everyone else is a glider instead. They do not even look anything like bats – seriously, compare a bat and a flying squirrel. The duo do not even have superficial similarities! Rather, a bat’s superficial similarities is with the bird and the extinct pterosaur; the three vertebrate groups are not really related to each other, but physically they seem to have more in common than with anyone else. Next?

The bats’ classification is a mess. Initially, they were thought to be more closely related to primates, but now they are considered to be a sister group to true carnivores, true ungulates and cetaceans. Sometimes scientific logic is hard to discern, and the fact that bat evolution isn’t much clearer than the modern bird one, isn’t helping – bats: appeared in the Eocene already…as did bears, for comparison, but whereas bears took some time acquiring their modern shape, the bats already sprung up largely primed and ready, save for the echolocation, of course.

Pause. There are eight species of existing bears (yet), and several extinct ones. All of them – the extinct cave bear and short-faced bear, the ancient giant panda and spectacled bear, (the only surviving relative of the short-faced bear family), the modern polar bear – they all are built around the same lines; the polar bear actually has viable hybrids with its’ closest relative, the brown bear, and that isn’t something that happens in nature very often. But what about bats?

So far, there is no case of bat hybrids – not in the wild and not in captivity. On their own, bats divide into megabats and microbats. The former are better known as fruit bats or flying foxes. Their echolocation is less derived, and their eyesight and sense of smell are better. That is because they eat mostly tropical fruits (and sometimes pollinate flowers), and you do not need echolocation to find them.

Some of the microbats also pollinate flowers, but most of them are carnivores and insectivores of one type or another. That said, they also differentiate into horseshoe bats and their relatives, who have elaborate nose leaves on their noses, and such bats as the free-tailed bats that have plain noses instead. (This division is not so clear-cut, but you get the gist). Otherwise, ecologically, the two bat groups are similar; there are bat species that are outright carnivores rather than insectivores, and the three true vampire bat species feed on blood, but in general? The majority of microbats eats insects and other invertebrates, just as most of megabats eat fruits. Is that it?

Yes, pretty much. People are pointing out that if I talked about Batman, my blog would be more popular, but I do not like DC, I do not like DCEU, and I do not really feel like talking about it. Maybe some other time instead. (Cough WW1984 movie cough).

…Well, this is it for now, then. See you all soon!

Quarantine entry #13 - April 3

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. It goes on, but it still sucks. I am tired of reiterating it, but there is only so much fresh material that I can use, and what is left, anyhow?

…Well, not DW – I am putting it on hold again, maybe AFO? Therefore, I watched its’ penultimate episode – ‘American Alligator vs. Black Bear’, and again, I was hit that the Black Bear won where the lion had failed – in luck: the Nile Crocodile was able to get a good grip, and the American Alligator was not. That all it took.

…Now, when we have discussed this episode for the first time, I made something of a comment that it was important that both of those animals were American, because otherwise? There’s a Chinese alligator that lives in China, (i.e. only in the Yangtze River) and there’s an Asian black bear, also known as the moon bear, which is roughly the same size as the American black bear, save that it has a white spot on its’ chest. Now, the American black bear is usually monochrome in color – the basic color is black, but there is also cinnamon, brown, even white – the spirit bear of the West Coast. However, it is all solid color, no spots or anything else. As a matter of fact, only the American black bear, the brown bear, and the polar bear are all-monochrome: the giant panda, (which is lately been identified as a true bear once more), is decisively chiaroscuro, while the other bears, while usually black, also usually have a splash of white on their chests or muzzles.

The main coloring exception is the Malaysian bear, probably the smallest (physically) bear of them all: its’ spot on the chest is not white, as in case of the Himalayan bear, but yellow. Hence, the whole sun/moon bear dichotomy, I suppose…

Back to the alligators? Of the alligators and caimans, the American alligator is the biggest, while the Chinese alligator is slightly over two m in length and weighs about 45-50 kg – that is compatible with a grown-up human man. Considering that without firearms bears kill humans easily enough – well, the brown and the American black bears do – I doubt that the moon bear is any different, as it is the Old World counterpart to the American black bear. Plus, the Chinese alligator is less confrontational than its’ American relative, so, again, I doubt that it would’ve went after any bear the same way that the American alligator went after the American black bear on AFO. Anything else?

Well, the Chinese alligator is the only member of the alligator and caiman branch that lives in the Old World, while the New World has several species of true crocodiles living alongside alligators and caimans in the American tropics. However, aside from the American crocodile per se, they are fairly shy and retiring creatures, and they are much harder to see than the crocodiles of Africa and Australasia, especially the Nile and the saltwater crocodiles.

…The Old World also has the gharials, the final members of the crocodilian family. Previously, they were thought to consist only of the ‘true’ gharial, as opposed to the ‘false’ gharial, which was supposed to be one of the ‘true’ crocodiles’, but now it is also part of the gharial group. Sometimes animal classification can have some real twists and turns – just look at the pandas, (getting back to the bears). I.e., these days the aforementioned giant panda is a true bear once more, while the red or lesser panda belongs to its own family, and apparently consists of two species, rather than just one. And yes, the two species of red panda are very similar to each other, only a specialist can distinguish between them, but, nevertheless, there is two of them. Hah.

…Well, this is it for now. The lockdown still sucks. Life still sucks. Anything else is up for discussion. See you all soon!

Crawl - July 14

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. That said, this goes for everyone, and everyone is connected to everyone else in proportions, and thus, no matter how much my life is bad, the life of those people in the apartment building down the street that caught fire earlier today is probably worse than mine is, right now. Now onto the movies!

This time, since we are talking about life, its’ unpleasantness and disasters, let us talk about ‘Crawl’. It was released in theatres on July 12, 2019, and we have talked about it earlier, when the trailer had been released. It is possible that people forgot about both our discussion and the movie – unlike ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home’, for example, it never made much of an effort to catch the attention of potential viewers, who knows why…

As for the plot, it is a disaster movie: the main character goes home to check on her estranged father, and the two of them end up trapped in their house, as the hurricane brings the flood – and the flood brings at least two American alligators. And?

And this is it, actually – ‘Crawl’ is a horror movie, not that different from ‘The Shallows’, for example, and many other films, except that its’ monsters are American alligators, not sharks. Hence why it is worthwhile to be mentioned – you do not get too many movies that feature alligators (or crocodiles for that matter) these days.

As for the American alligator these days… First, we have discussed it not just as the monster of the ‘Crawl’ movie in question, but also as one of the contestants/combatants on AFO, remember? On that show, the American alligator fought the American black bear and lost. Why it lost specifically is a different question, but what interests us right now is that it was depicted very accurately, from a scientific point of view; before it faced-off with the black bear per se, the two animals were compared and contrasted to each other very succinctly, and we saw the differences between these two carnivores shown to us professionally. To be more precise, like its’ crocodile cousins, the American alligator (or the American caiman, in Spanish), is a crusher: unlike carnivorous mammals, (or sharks, actually), crocodiles, alligators and caimans slam their jaws shut on their victims, and then shake their heads or even go into death rolls to rip smaller chunks from their meals – if they can’t swallow their prey whole from the start, that is. Next?

Aside from AFO, the American alligator has also appeared on the ‘River Monsters’ TV series, on the episode 1x03, aka ‘Alligator Gar’. This episode, not surprisingly, was about the titular fish, but the American alligator appeared there too, as part of JW’s effort to clean-up the alligator gar’s reputation as a man-eater and a river monster. It worked, at least as far as JW and his show were concerned, but what is important to us is that the American alligator can, and does, (or did), attack people, contrary to its’ reputation as a meek and mild-mannered creature, as compared to its’ cousins, the Nile and the saltwater crocodiles. No argument here, the American alligator is smaller than those two, but it is still the biggest member of the alligator and caiman side of the crocodilian family and must be treated with respect. When compared to another one of its’ crocodile cousins – the so-called American crocodile, the American alligator is bulkier, more angular, less streamlined, with a proportionally shorter and broader muzzle. As such, scientists have determined that that means that the American alligator eats less fish and ambushes more animals from the shoreline than the American crocodile does. I.e. the stereotypical crocodile lies in wait in the water and waits for animals to come to the river to drink, after which it strikes. This happens in real life, but there are always other options – sometimes the Nile crocodile, (which is the stereotypical crocodile, FYI), hunts fish in the African rivers; other times it lunges at birds that are skimming the water surface instead; and so forth. However, its prey of choice are land animals that come to the water edge to drink and therefore the Nile crocodile has a large, broad, almost angular head that has plenty of anchoring space for muscles and has a very powerful bite. The skull of the American alligator is smaller, (because it is smaller than the Nile crocodile is, period), but it is built along the same lines, much more so than the American crocodile or the alligator gar skulls, so yes, the potential for the American alligator to be a man-eater is there.

…That said, ‘Crawl’ is still a fully fictional movie, as we’ve discussed it earlier: American alligators may be aquatic reptiles, but their eggs – unlike the eggs of frogs and newts – need to stay high and dry, and not be water-logged; this puts the reptiles at something of a disadvantage against fish and amphibians; if it hadn’t been for the smaller mass extinction at the end of the Triassic period, the world might’ve been a very different place from what we know it to be. (Or not, given that the Mesozoic, the Age of Reptiles, ended on a much bigger mass extinction event than the Triassic did). Where were we?

As a movie, ‘Crawl’ is a decent horror movie, and it is certainly worth going to it once – by itself, with your family/friends/significant other/etc. to enjoy it. Otherwise, you might as well watch ‘Stuber’, or re-watch ‘Spider-Man 2019’ movie instead, period. The conflict feels forced and contrived at times; the half-assed basement of the protagonists’ family home may be the least realistic element of the movie; and the character development is pointless and distractive, not unlike what we have seen in ‘The Shallows’, but this is neither there nor here. Go to the movies and enjoy it. Or not. It is your call.

This is it for now; see you all soon.

PS: And in conclusion, here is a couple of customized carnivorous plants from Pathfinder First Edition RPG, (just because). Enjoy!

ERUPHYTE ASSASSIN VINE CR 4

XP 800

N Large plant

Init +0; Senses blindsight 30 ft., low-light vision, thoughtsense 60 ft.; Perception +1

DEFENSE

AC 15, touch 9, flat-footed 15 (+6 natural, –1 size)

hp 30 (4d8+12)

Fort +7, Ref +1, Will +2

Immune electricity, plant traits; Resist cold 10 and fire 10

OFFENSE

Speed 5 ft.

Melee slam +7 (1d8+7 plus grab)

Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft.

Special Attacks constrict (1d8+7), entangle, thoughtspear (2d8; Will DC 18 half).

STATISTICS

Str 20, Dex 10, Con 16, Int 6, Wis 13, Cha 9

Base Atk +3; CMB +9 (+13 grapple); CMD 19 (can't be tripped)

Feats –

Skills -

Language telepathy 60 ft.

SQ bardic knowledge (CL 2^nd), camouflage

ECOLOGY

Environment temperate forests

Organization solitary, pair, or patch (3–6)

Treasure incidental

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Camouflage (Ex): Since an assassin vine looks like a normal plant when at rest, a DC 20 Perception check is required to notice it before it attacks for the first time. Anyone with ranks in Survival or Knowledge (nature) can use either of those skills instead of Perception to notice the plant.

Entangle (Su): An assassin vine can, as a free action, cause plants within 30 feet of it to animate and grasp at foes. This ability is otherwise similar to entangle (CL 4th, DC 13). The save DC is Wisdom-based.

RAMPANT BASIDIROND CR 6

XP 1,600

N Medium plant

Init +1; Senses low-light vision, tremorsense; Perception +0

Aura growth

DEFENSE

AC 18, touch 11, flat-footed 17 (+1 Dex, +7 natural)

hp 80 (7d8+49)

Fort +8, Ref +3, Will +2

Immune cold, plant traits; regeneration 5 (negative energy)

Weaknesses cold lethargy, negative energy

OFFENSE

Speed 20 ft.

Melee slam +10 (1d8+7 plus spores)

Special Attacks hallucination cloud, spores

STATISTICS

Str 20, Dex 13, Con 20, Int —, Wis 11, Cha 1

Base Atk +5; CMB +10; CMD 21 (25 vs. trip)

SQ verdant genesis

ECOLOGY

Environment any non-cold underground

Organization solitary, pair, or grove (3–8)

Treasure incidental

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Hallucination Cloud (Ex) As a standard action once per minute, a basidirond can release a cloud of invisible spores in a 20-foot radius. All creatures within the area must succeed on a DC 16 Fortitude save or be affected by powerful hallucinations as long as they remain in the cloud plus 1d4 rounds after leaving the area. A new save must be made each round a creature remains within the affected area. A hallucination cloud persists for 5 rounds before dispersing—a strong wind causes it to disperse immediately. The save DC is Constitution-based. To determine what hallucination is suffered each round, roll 1d6 and consult the following table.

d6 Hallucination

1 You're sinking in quicksand! Fall prone and spend 1 round flailing your arms and legs as if trying to swim.

2 Attacked by a swarm of spiders! Spend a full round action to attack the floor near you with your weapon.

3 An item you hold has turned into a viper! Drop it and flee from the item at top speed for 1 round.

4 You're suffocating! Stand in place, hold your breath, and clutch at your throat for 1 round.

5 You've shrunk to 1/10th your normal size! Take no actions for 1 round and monsters won't see you.

6 You're melting! Grasp hold of yourself in an attempt to hold yourself together, and take no actions for 1 round.

Spores (Ex) Any creature struck by a basidirond's slam attack is coated with spores. The creature struck must make a DC 16 Fortitude save or these spores take root in his flesh, and particularly in his lungs. The save DC is Constititon-based.Basidirond Spores: Disease—inhaled; save Fort DC 16; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect 1d2 Con damage; cure 1 save.

Cold Lethargy (Ex) Although a basidirond is immune to cold damage, any cold effect it is exposed to slows it for 1d4 rounds. During this time, the basidirond cannot use its hallucination cloud or spores.

Any comments? Criticisms?

AFO: Alligator vs. Black Bear - June 29

This week is proving to be much more exciting than the past ones; a new ‘DM’ movie is coming to the cinema at last; this is primarily a children’s franchise, so I cannot say that I am the biggest fan of these films.

Then there is the new TV promo for the new ‘Marvel’s InHumans’ series. So far, the viewers are not being impressed, let alone overwhelmed; many think that Lockjaw the dog is the best character of them all, and he is CGI’ed. In addition, he is a dog, not a human, so does make him an InDog instead? Never mind; my point is that I am more excited about the upcoming ‘Jumanji’ movie, and I am not its’ biggest fan either. I remember the original film very enough, it was good, and it was also less controversial than the upcoming rehash is, because it was more child-friendly and less sexualized and edgy. (Does ‘Jumanji’ even need that?)

…As for the upcoming new movie of the ‘Jurassic Park’/’Jurassic World’ franchise… so far we got some single shots and a poster – not too much to go on. The original JW movie was not bad, just… somewhat reminiscent of the SWII movie – not bad, but still nowhere as good as the original SW trilogy was.

This probably brings up back to the TV land, as ‘Killjoys’ S3 is coming to TV tomorrow, (June 30, 2017), or so. ‘Killjoys’ are a very enjoyable TV show, and I am honestly excited about seeing the S3 in the future, (hopefully. Things will be chaotic at our house in the near future, so I do not know how well I will be able to keep up with the series. In the meantime, though, I have been re-watching AFO – the ‘Alligator vs. Black Bear’ episode, so let us talk a bit about it instead.

Firstly, a dash of classification. The proper name of the episode is the ‘American Alligator vs. American Black Bear’, because overseas, in Asia, lives a Chinese Alligator, (possibly the closest relative to the American species), as well as an Asiatic Black Bear, (whose relationship with the American Black Bear is more vague).

The Chinese Alligator lives only in China, and may be extinct in the wild. It looks like its American cousin, but it is smaller, and has an armored belly, (and the American Alligator does not). The Asiatic Black Bear looks basically just like any other bear, (including the Giant Panda), but it is usually black, save for a large white patch on its’ chest, hence it is also called a moon bear – as opposed to the sun bear, which lives in southeast Asia, (and the Asiatic Black Bear lives – these days – in Bangladesh, China, and Russia, more to the north), is called a Malaysian bear for that reason, and the patch on its’ chest is yellow instead. The American Black Bear usually does not have a patch on its chest…but sometimes it does, and it is not always black; sometimes it is brown or even creamy white. Isn’t taxonomy fun?

But the science of classifying animals (and plants) aside, one of the reasons why the crew of AFO chose the American Alligator and Black Bear for this episode is because it is far more likely to happen in the wild, because the Chinese Alligator is virtually extinct in the wild on one hand, and on the other it is far too timid to attack something as big and dangerous as a bear. Come to think of it, so’s the American Alligator. So?

So we come to realism & suspension of disbelief, the storytelling elements that help people believe a story, whether it is AFO, AoS, or anything else. AoS, for example, seemed to have outlasted its’ welcome; certainly the S4 finale was met with very low audience numbers – people just weren’t excited about the titular characters winning against the last villains of the season anymore. Not when there is an entire platter of DC shows to choose from at the same time, for example.

But AoS is fiction, just as the aforementioned ‘Killjoys’, or ‘Marvel’s InHumans’ are. AFO was based on facts, conversely, and… they had their own pitfalls. They did their best to run the show only via facts and data, but they had only a limited amount of it from the start. The format of AFO was largely dependent on various big carnivorous animals – mammals, reptiles and fish – and most of them are physically similar to each other. A bear and a big cat are related to each other only distantly, but physically, they are built similarly, their skeletons have more superficial similarities to each other than the bones of a bear and a walrus do, even though the walrus is closer related to the bear (and the wolf) than a big cat is.

With crocodiles and alligators, of course, the similarities are more than just superficial – the two are twin twigs of the same branch of the tree of life: not only they occupy the same econiche, they can coexist – the Chinese Alligator lives on the same continent as do several species of crocodiles, and South America is home not only to the various caimans, (essentially the local versions of the alligators), but to several species of ‘true’ crocodiles as well. These reptiles can get along, and much better than the big cats of Africa, Asia and the Americas do, in comparison, and – they all have the same hunting & fighting technique, which was actually shown on AFO as part of the episodes’ footage. There are physical differences between crocodiles and alligators, but they are fairly minor, and from a technical P.O.V. – bare bones and the metal replicas built from these bones – they are non-existent.

With bears these similarities are not as extreme, but for the sort of experiments that AFO did with its’ machines, this was enough. Even in RL, all bears behave similarly, the only exceptions are the polar bear, (which is completely carnivorous and lives part of its’ life in the water), and the giant panda, (which is completely herbivorous instead). The brown bear has its’ differences from the black and the moon bears, but AFO does not focus on them, (and they are outside its’ data collecting criteria, anyhow).

This probably brings us to the actual face-off. In theory, just as DW did, AFO used the data that the staff collected via the models to determine the winner, but in reality, this was not so. In the ‘Jaguar vs. Anaconda’ episode, the jaguar lost. In RL, this would not be so; a jaguar has jaws powerful enough to bite through skull bones of peccaries and caimans, so, once it pinned down an anaconda and bit it, it would probably be able to rip the snake in two, if it got especially lucky. And yet it lost on AFO. Why?

Well, why not? On DW, the staff actually showed the various numbers of the various weapons, wins and x-factors; AFO did not even do that. DW actually raised an issue – who was correct, who was more important, the data or the experts/hosts; AFO did not have that. Moreover, while this ensured that there was no controversy surrounding their decision…there still was, at least in the ‘Lion vs. Tiger’ episode, (and so I probably will not be touching it at all). Instead, the viewers got the option to take the AFO’s decisions regarding the face-offs at a face value, (pardon the pun), and while some had accepted it, the others had not – and so the show was not renewed for a second season for this reason as well. AFO’s approach had its virtues, but it had its’ flaws too; not even the season’s/series’ finale ‘Sperm Whale vs. Giant Squid’ could save it…

Well, that is that for this entry; see you all soon!