Quarantine entry #42 - May 2

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Sometimes it sucks so bad, that it burns. The good news that things change, they transform, and so life becomes something new. Only death is eternal, and no, I’m not talking about G.W. and his shooting rampage – yesterday or so, (May 1, 2020), Mr. Trudeau the PM banned 1500 types of assault rifles, or 1500 assault rifles period, or whatever. That is understandable – he had a rough time lately, first his wife got sick, then his mother, and now G.W.’s rampage… and on top of it, during NATO’s practice in the Mediterranean, a Canadian helicopter crashed, everyone on board of it is dead, and some of the people are from Nova Scotia again… yeah. April was not a good month for this Canadian province. What else?

I have watched the ‘Gorilla vs. Leopard’ episode of AFO, and I have watched the chimpanzee episode of David Attenborough’s ‘Dynasties’. I am struck how Africa’s great apes are very much like us, if we were polygamous, that is. Pause.

Here is the thing. When it comes to sex and families, the animal kingdom is varied and various and deserves a separate discussion of its own, but among the mammals? You usually have the females raising the young alone, or you got a main mated couple and their offspring, (and sometimes younger siblings), instead. There are various versions of those scenarios, but the basic designs are those two – the lemurs have a female in charge, (usually the main mother), while the monkeys like the marmosets and the night monkeys are monogamous – and then we come to primates such as the howler monkeys, that actually have harems led by males. Pause.

Let us get down to terms: ‘matriarchy’ – females are in charge. ‘Patriarchy’ – the males are. ‘Matrilineage’ – families are designed following the maternal bloodlines. ‘Patrilineage’ – same as before, but following the paternal. Among many mammals, males tend to come and go, (whether we’re talking about deer, lions, or even baboons), while the females stay, raise the young, and shape the family’s culture, (in a manner of speaking).

…And then we got the gorillas and the chimpanzees, where the males are very much in charge, especially among the more peaceful gorillas, and act not unlike the more polygamous human cultures. Yes, female chimpanzees can stand up for themselves, and among the ‘other’ chimpanzee species, the bonobo, the society is largely matriarchal…and much more peaceful than the society of the common chimpanzee, more like the gorillas’… pause.

A semi-popular theory states that the chimpanzee and bonobo lineages split when the gorillas, (there are several species of them, actually), appeared on the scene. They are more herbivorous than the common chimpanzees were, and scientists believe that when the ancestral gorillas encountered the ancestral chimpanzees, they forced the latter to become the more omnivorous common chimpanzees, and in places where they were absent, the ancestral apes become bonobos instead. The latter are more closely related to the common chimpanzees than to the gorillas, but they behave more as the gorillas do instead. Evolution sometimes acts in strange ways.

…The orangutans, it can be noted, have evolved in apparent isolation from the other types of great apes; the gibbons, or the lesser apes, also live in the jungles of Southeast Asia, but the two groups of primates tend to avoid each other period. Orangutans live where the gibbons typically do not, and vice versa. In Africa, the gorillas and chimpanzees avoid each other, but because they live on the ground rather than on trees, they aren’t as shy as the orangutans and the gibbons are, (proportionally speaking); the common chimpanzee, in particular, may be the most violent of the all great apes, as well as the second smallest, after its’ bonobo cousin. The bonobo, it should be noted, is a very peaceful mammal, and nowhere as violent as the common chimpanzee is…

…Well, this is all that I wanted to say for now. See you all soon!

Doolittle-2020 - Jan 23

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. It sucks just because, and your family, as well as yourself, are a part of it. Yes, every new day is different, one way or another, but as a rule – real life sucks. You may want to discuss the long-tailed duck or something, but you cannot, simply because real life sucks, and your personal life sucks, and you suck. Plus – priorities. No matter how much you love nature, sometimes you just cannot master the enthusiasm to write about the ducks, (or the woodpeckers, hedgehogs, squirrels, etc.). So, let us talk about something else – the doctor. He, (i.e. Doolittle), is in the house!

…And apparently, he sucks almost as much as real life does, according to many reviews and critics. They are wrong. ‘Doolittle-2020’ is not bad. It is insipid.

Does anyone remember Marvel’s ‘InHumans’ that’d aired several years back? If not, it is not surprising – the show lasted for a single season, and it numbered only eight episodes. Yes, in the pre-Disney+ era Marvel TV shows didn’t last for more than two or three seasons, (AoS is the exception, period), but even so, ‘InHumans’ stood-out: they were that bad.

And yet… there did not appear to be something that was specifically damning that prevented them – in theory – from continuing from another season or two. (Marvel’s ‘Runaways’ ended after 3 seasons, for example). Instead, it was an entire assimilation of small flaws, including bad script and rushed acting that did Marvel’s ‘InHumans’ in. In different hands, under different management and circumstances, they could have been good, but because real life, they failed to launch instead. ‘Doolittle-2020’ is in the same boat, even though it is a single film and not a TV series instead.

On one hand, it had a lot going for it, actually, starting with the Iron Man being the titular character and a story plot that sounded good on paper. On the other, with such an illustrious name playing the main lead in a film that just couldn’t be anywhere near the level of the last two Avenger films, (let’s be honest – even in the best of circumstances ‘Doolittle-2020’ wouldn’t be anywhere near the level of ‘Infinity War’ and ‘Endgame’), enough people would feel gipped, as if this was a step down or something – and they were probably right.

 …And top of those failed expectations and the subconscious feeling of being cheated out of something that is Avenger-level film, the film itself is flawed, let’s be polite. The plot felt rather like Stark’s new Welsh accent – completely unnecessary and a straight-out failure. Queen Victoria is poisoned, so Stark – er, Doolittle – is off to bring back the miracle cure? What is this – the Avengers, Victorian era? Well, maybe – we did also get Sony’s current version of Spider-Man voicing a dog, so it could have been a start. Instead, we got a failure with a bunch of grown-up jokes in a decisively pro-child film, (children under the age of 10 will enjoy ‘Doolittle-2020’ moreso than their parents, yes), the titular character farted by a dragon, (what is this – mockery of GoT? If so, then ‘Doolittle-2020’ is excessively late for this party), and, oh yes, a gorilla fighting a tiger, (sort of) among other things.

Off topic, if a gorilla fought a tiger for real, who would win? In AFO, when a gorilla faced-off with a leopard, it actually won, but a tiger is much bigger and heavier than a leopard is and carries a much heavier punch than a leopard does. In a feline clash, tiger will triumph over a leopard, as ‘Jungle Book-2016’ showed openly and clearly – even though it is fiction, it actually did a good job of being realistic, at least to a point. But a gorilla is completely different beast than a leopard is. A tiger is a professional hunter and killer, but if it fails to get a drop on the modern world’s biggest and strongest primate, period, then it can go either way – and, of course, ‘Doolittle-2020’ went in a completely different direction to begin with. What next?

Well, for me, Chee-Chee the gorilla brought back memories of the Soviet adaptation of Doolittle, (where Chee-Chee was actually a capuchin monkey instead). To wit, this adaptation consisted of one large poem where the Soviet Doolittle went to Africa to cure all the cute animal babies there, because they all were sick; and of another large poem, where the good doctor comes to Africa to rescue a couple of human children from the Soviet analogue of Rassouli; and also a couple of novellas for children where the good doctor crosses swords with the pirate leader time and again, until he defeats the villain for good. Not such a small assimilation, especially by children’s standards, after all.

…And then the Soviet cinematography produced a cartoon series, and a couple of movies, all about the good doctor confronting the wicked pirate and his crew, and frankly, one of them, ‘Soviet Doolittle-66’ is just as crazy, but much more coherent and enjoyable than the U.S. 2020 version. Not unlike the gender-flipped ‘Ghostbusters’ reboot, ‘Doolittle-2020’ is just bad as in uninspiring and insipid, which brings us back to Marvel’s ‘InHumans’ TV series – they had the same problem and collapsed, though compared to them, ‘Doolittle-2020’ is better, (and it is certainly better than ‘Cats-2019’, cough), simply because the younger children will enjoy it with all the poop and fart jokes as well as periodic clothing, and, hey, the Iron Man is riding an ostrich in this universe, while a giraffe is talking to him in voice of Selena Gomez. Fun! Anything else?

Well, the second ‘To all the boys…’ movie is coming out on Netflix on Feb 12, 2020. Why before 2020’s Valentine Day – who knows; who cares, too – while the first film had its’ flaws, clearly, the entire franchise has proven to be tough, enduring and popular enough to bring forth a second movie. (Jenny Han wrote a trilogy about LJ’s adventures, so there is at least one more movie in store for LJ and her love life). By comparison, ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ franchise apparently hadn’t – so far there’s no news about a second movie in this franchise; maybe because it tried to be a pro-American propaganda piece among other things back when it aired and ‘Boys-1’ didn’t? Who knows, but ‘Boys-1’ was a very good romantic movie, surprisingly so, given all the flaws of both it and the original novel…but it was not insipid. It delivered. It gave enjoyment to the views. It made real life slightly more endurable than it is on its’ own. I am actually looking forwards to ‘Boys-2’ coming to Netflix next month. Yay.

…This is it for now, see you all soon!

SW: TROS - Jan 5

Obligatory disclaimer: real life sucks. Our family’s holidays were the pits, and my family are bleeps that I hate with all my life and soul. I myself am no prise, but regardless I hate them, I hate them, I hate them forever!.. Gollum, ‘The Hobbit’. What next?

SW9, that is what. As far as escapes from real life go, this one was only marginally better than ‘Cats 2019’, but that is because nothing is as bad as ‘Cats 2019’ were. SW9 is… bad. It is not too bad, but neither it is that great. It’s ‘fan service’, according to the official statement that explains as to why SW9 proved to be so bad. Here is my response: that is a lie. What do fans want? For Rey to have a relationship with anyone, (with whom exactly is another question), but what do they get? Rey pulling an Elsa from ‘Frozen 2’ and ending up single and free as a bird instead. Did the fans want this? Judging by their reaction – no. So, how is this ‘fan service’? The honest answer – it is not. So, what is it, instead?

Let us start with the beginning: from the SW7 onwards, the SW sequel trilogy was a mess, especially from the plotline P.O.V. As for relationships… do not start – the SW7 movie had ‘shipped’ Rey with Finn, (not Ben or Poe), so hard! So, why didn’t it work, and instead Finn was ‘shipped’ with Rose in SW8? …It is anyone’s guess, but the fact that Hollywood and the rest of America’s elite has plenty of issues with interracial relationships, probably played a role. In SW9, we get briefly introduced to a character named Jannah, who is former Stormtrooper who is aiding the Resistance against the First Order. Now, why does it sound familiar? We look at Finn, who decisively ignores Jannah in favor of his Rose. Good for him. In the canon, Jannah was shown interacting with Lando Calrissian, maybe because she is supposed to be his long-lost daughter, but Lando’s own role got diminished severely in SW9, as did Rose’s own, BTW. …Yes, on one level it can be explained by the fact that Rose’s actress, Kelly Marie Tran, received her own amount of hate, as did Rey’s actress, Daisy Ridley, after the SW 8 film, so it’s probable that she didn’t want to appear in SW9 one, but the fact is that many characters, not just her and Lando, got diminished in the SW9 movie, which implies that the SW9 film is a bad, unsatisfying one, not just to the viewers, but to its’ crew and cast too. Why? Moreover, what next?

Firstly, the conclusion – the entire main cast of SW films four through six is dead, and it is now a blank slate, with or without Ben Solo. Fair enough, but considering that the problems of the franchise began precisely because of this – after the merger, Disney/SW promptly dismissed all of the old info, declaring them to be ‘Star Wars: Legend’ instead, and it promptly began to fracture SW’s original fan base – and not because of U.S.A’s current racial or gender problems. The old SW fan guard got angry, didn’t back down or mince words, and by the time of the SW8 and ‘Solo’ films things were quite bad, especially by Disney’s standards. They tried to alter this situation by flooding the comic market with the SW comics, but apparently it was not enough, especially on its’ own. ‘The Mandalorian’, of course, is a different thing entirely – emphasis on ‘different’: it does not appear to connect with the SW sequel trilogy at all!.. Anything else?

For now the SW universe is calming down; instead we got Robert Downey Jr. returning to the silver screens this month, (January 2020) as the titular character in the ‘Dr. Doolittle 2020’ movie. So far, it is a mess, the final trailer shows a gorilla fighting a tiger and later on – the Iron Man and his new animal Avengers – some sort of a dragon, straight from an RPG (think Smaug from the ‘Hobbit’ trilogy earlier this century). So far, the next most memorable thing after the Iron Man himself is Selena Gomez, who will be voicing Betsy the giraffe, (CGI, not real life). Considering that Ms. Gomez herself was down in the dumps lately, this is a step up for her nevertheless. Real life sucks, remember? Even for Disney & SW, it seems – SW9 tried to be a soft reboot ala ‘Frozen 2’, (remember, we discussed it in November 2019?), but it failed. The two franchises are just too different, and the similar approaches to them were different as well.

Ergo, for now this is it. Maybe real life will perk up further down in 2020, but I am not so sure. Until then – see you soon!

Rampage II - Feb 14

And so, I got a look at the second ‘Rampage’ movie trailer. And?

And it is still a crazy mess, with a giant gorilla, and equally giant crocodile/alligator/monitor lizard, and a giant wolf makes it an even three. But now, there is also a newer development that had become obvious only now: this is a kaiju movie rip-off!

…Or an imitation clone, fair enough, but still. In the last few years, the ‘shared kaiju universe’, (or whatever it is properly called), is centered around both King Kong and Godzilla, as well, as their upcoming conflicts, both with each other and King Ghidorah, another giant monster, (a giant three-headed variant dragon from space). Ergo, now we have ‘Rampage’, which has a giant gorilla to substitute for KK, a giant reptile to substitute for Godzilla, (and the second trailer shows that this duo will fight), and a giant wolf because… he was in the original video game? (I believe that the wolf’s name in the game was Ralph, so it is a ‘he’). Not the best reason to star in a movie, but there were worse ones, so there’s that. Anything else?

The thing is that as far as movies go, ‘Rampage’ seems to be simply lazy. When the aborted ‘Dark Universe’ spawned the new version of the ‘Mummy’ movie it did precisely that – yet another reboot of the franchise, at least in part because the trilogy about Nick, Evie and their family became clearly exhausted by the time of the third movie, (dealing with a crazy-evil resurrected ancient Chinese emperor for a change), so something new had to be done – and it was done, and the last ‘Mummy’ movie version also featured a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, so it did try to be different; it just wasn’t very good at it, it seems – but it tried to be original, (to a point, because by now the ‘Mummy’ is a classic for an obvious reason – everyone knows what it is about), and if it didn’t work, it still tried. 

‘Rampage’ on the other hand, currently seems to be shaping into a ‘Kong vs. Godzilla’ movie – before the actual ‘Kong vs. Godzilla’ movie gets aired. …Oh wait, this movie was made and aired in the 1960s, so this version of the kaiju universe is just another reboot. What a surprise! Not.

On a more serious note, the ‘Mummy’ reboot was exactly that – a mix of the time-tested and original and it has failed. It happens. By contrast, ‘Rampage’ is an imitation of a ‘Kong vs. Godzilla’ kaiju movie in the trappings of a 1980s/90s game, which consisted of monsters smashing buildings… period. Not very highbrow, and even an imitation of a kaiju movie is a step upwards here, though not by much, and ‘the Rock’ has stolen the trailers, both of them, so far.

He does get around – he was in the ‘Baywatch’ reboot, (not exactly a success either), and he will be in ‘Rampage’, and he was in the ‘Jumanji’ reboot…which, not unlike the ‘Mummy’, was a franchise reboot, trying to package an old story in a new, different package. Here, the franchise succeeded; the new ‘Jumanji’ is not really like the original movie, aside from some basic similarities, of course, so there is that. Yay for it…and it did not try to imitate the original movie either, so there is a lesson to be learned… other than that ‘the Rock’ can make anything look good, especially in a trailer. Is that it?

Yes, although there is a new ‘Warhammer’ game coming forth – ‘Vermintide 2’. We already saw one of the new PCs of the game – the ‘Kerillian’. This is an elf warrior, whose options include a stereotypical elven archer, (and a very good one), an assassin-type rogue, armed with twin swords, reminiscent of FH’s Shaman and a spear-wielding fighter, who is more like FH’s Valkyrie instead. Go FH team Viking, then! The ‘Black Panther’ movie is coming forth this week too, and AWE Me YouTube channel released a new video of ‘Men-At-Arms’, as they made a spear from that franchise. Actually, it too is similar to FH’s Valkyrie’s spear – a weapon that is designed for stabbing, rather than slicing. Go FH team Viking times too! In addition, of course, the conclusion to ‘Fifty Shades’ movie trilogy will be released this week… and odds are not in its’ favor.

…Well, this is it for now; see you all later!

AFO & For Honor VIII - Feb 13

With all the excitement of fictional TV shows old and new, I neglected AFO – but not really. 

Recently I have rewatched yet another one of its episodes – ‘Gorilla vs. Leopard’, and several things hit me this time.

Firstly, why did the leopard have to fight the gorilla? Whereas the tiger is found only in Asia, and lions live in Africa – and also in one tiny spot in India – the leopard is found on both of these continents; it is a more versatile cat than either of them, so why is it that the nature documentaries depict the leopard only as an African cat?

Maybe it is because the Western world views Africa and Asia in two different ways, these days. For the West, Africa remains wild and challenging in this sort of way; almost like ‘the Old West’ cliché of the American fiction (not sure about the European, though). Asia, these days, is certainly not – rather, that is where the new big business lies, the hope for the future civilization lies, etc. The leopard has no place there – pity that no one has told that to the leopards, who are actually making a living alongside people, as racoons do in North America and red foxes in Europe – but the leopard has a much bigger punch than either of them, speaking both metaphorically and literally.

Yes, the African population of leopards is probably bigger than that in Asia; yes, the African leopards have greater swathes of wild habitat to live in, but still. The last time someone talked about the Asian leopards properly and in detail was the National Geographic magazine, in December 2015, when they published an article on leopards – on all of the leopards, African and Asian. Given how humans treat the rest of the planet, including the big cats, it is about time that someone did that! (I.e. publish the article and bring the public’s attention to the big cat issue).

…Wait. This doesn’t have anything to do with AFO; you can just as well go on a tangent about how the apes have a similar situation to the big cats: gorillas and chimpanzees are found only in Africa, orangutans and gibbons, (called the lesser apes by the scientists in modern times) – only in Asia. True. One can also get back onto the proper topic by pointing out that the real reason why ‘Gorilla vs. Leopard’ episode was so problematic is because the two animals in question was so different, a fact that the show itself had to admit in passing…so why did the leopard lose?

Let us step back from AFO for a moment and return to ‘For Honor’. After making the nodachi sword for Kensai, the ‘Man at Arms’ group at ‘AWE ME’ channel made…not Warlord’s Viking sword as I expected, but the Dane axe of Raider. The process of making the axe was interesting, the ‘field testing’ even more so. Unlike the nodachi, which was a slicing weapon, the Dane axe also smashed – through bricks and the like. Thus?

Well, here lies a difference between Viking and Samurai methods of fighting in the game. The nodachi itself is not a light weapon, just as with the Dane axe, you have to use two hands to wield it, (hence why the Westerners called their version of this blade a greatsword), but still, it is thin. It is sharp, it is strong and resilient, but it is thin. The Dane axe is not – yes, its’ cutting end is thin, but everything else about it is thick. If the nodachi struck you with a flat side, it would still sting, but you would be safe. If the Dane axe hit you, you would still be knocked prone, probably with several broken bones too. The Vikings, of course, did not let such facts of life stop them, they were that bad ass, but this point still has to be made. Unlike the nodachi, in fact, unlike even the Viking sword, the Dane axe could be used not just as a weapon of war, but also as an axe, used to cut down trees or whatever. Hence, why it is different from the nodachi; also – how is it different, too.

So, how does this bring us back to AFO? Let us look at the gorilla and the leopard once again. The leopard is a killer and kills monkeys and apes, including humans and gorillas; the gorilla is not. It isn’t really a fighter either, the fights between silverbacks (mature gorilla males) tend not to end in violence; flatly, the gorilla is a much more peaceful animals than its’ cousins, humans and chimpanzees, are. So, why did the gorilla win?

Let us return to the Vikings’ Dane axe. When DW has put the Viking against the Samurai in S1, the put the Samurai katana against the Viking sword; but the Viking axe was put against the Samurai kanabo – a wooden club with iron rivets stuck on it. As DW showed in its own experiments, the Viking axe was powerful and heavy, but the kanabo was more so. (In ‘For Honor’, the kanabo is the weapon of the Shugoku, remember?) That was one of the reasons why the Viking lost in DW – but lost it fairly.

…Of course, throughout S1, DW did make a point to judge it all fairly – and it did so, (save for the ‘Shaolin Monk vs. Maori Warrior’ episode, but that is another story). Sadly, this fairness revealed that the American Green Berets were worse than the Soviet/Russian Spetznaz, so post S1 DW did its’ best to be prejudiced instead, so after S3, when George Washington and Teddy Roosevelt defeated Napoleon Bonaparte and Lawrence of Arabia, the show got cancelled – for the lack of funds, (and maybe sponsors): the Americans aren’t that dumb to believe that sort of propaganda – and we’re talking about a nation who says that most of its’ evil immigrants come not from the South, Mexico, from the North, Canada – so the DW cancellation was just sad. Prejudice just does not deliver in the long term.

The same goes to AFO, only because it was depicting animals, rather than people, it was less obvious, but the principle was the same. That is why the gorilla won its’ face-off, and the anaconda – with the jaguar. (According to Luke Hunter, the giant otters of South America sometimes eat anacondas, and honestly, they tend to stay away from jaguars instead). Not because they were more efficient fighters/killers/etc., but because the cast of the show decided it so. DW used real actors; AFO – CGI’d animals and robot models, so AFO’s prejudice was less obvious, again, but the end result was the same: both shows got cancelled.

And ‘For Honor’? ‘For Honor’ is a computer game, not a TV show, so it is subjected to a different set of standards – and as such, it is a different story.